Released in 2008, this romantic-fantasy film based on the Stephenie Meyer novel grossed
an absolute shit-ton of money from horny teenage girls looking to fantasize about Robert Pattison's
gorgeous face.
Combined with DVD sales, this epic cinematic masterpiece of broodingly handsome vampires
grossed over a half-billion dollars.
And quite frankly, it should come of no surprise to you, since everything about this movie
is perfection.
April Fools!
Twilight obviously isn't the best movie ever made, but - no joke - I actually found myself
enjoying most of this rather childish film, but lets continue with this sarcastic review
just the same.The first in an eventual trilogy of epic proportions, Twilight is the story
of sexy 17-year-old Bella Swan, who besides being total jailbait, moves to a small down
in Washington State to live with her father, and have premarital relations with a 126 year
old bloodsucking vampire.
Her first day at her new high school Bella, played with just the right amount of constipation
in her facial expressions by Kristen Stewart, bumps into her beautiful co-star, and the
only person in the entire movie that can actually act, Oscar nominee Anna Kendrick who plays
some dateless loser nerd at Forks High School.
Later, Bella meets Pattison's character, Edward Cullen - a pale faced loner who is more awkward
around Bella than 24's Chloe O'Brien on her menstrual cycle.
With a look on his face that screams, "I need to take a wicked poop right now", Edward skips
town for a week, and by the time he returns, Bella is seemingly in love with him.
Poorly written and acted from the outset, Edward's character is absolutely average - a
vampire for over a century he is able to expertly disguise him true identity and blend in with
teenagers, and win over the love of Bella - that is of course until she does about an
hour of research on Google and discovers that he's really a vampire.
But don't worry, he doesn't bite humans, and he has the ability to read minds, invoke a
motion-blur effect on command, and sparkle in the sunlight!
As cheesy, and as a pussy-whipped as the vampires in Twilight are - I found this movie to be
quite enjoyable.
Sure, the acting is god-awful at times, the SFX need lots of work, and these vampires
are nothing like Count Orlok from Nosferatu - but I actually found myself caring about
the outcomes of the characters in this story.
There is nothing impressive about a single aspect of this movie, but for it's trying
to accomplish - a romantic fantasy film involving vampires... it definitely succeeds.
The story itself of a vegetarian vampire falling in love with a pasty underage girl is also
one of the more original plots Hollywood has adapted in a while.
Well, that's what I thought about Twilight - and while nearly all of you were much harsher
on this film than me, lets take a look at the YouTube comments just the same.
GourmetCandyChef A horrible film with horrible acting and a horrible storyline, it give Vampires
a bad name, worst movie i have ever wasted time on, and i didn't even sit through the
whole thing, 1/10
JRFWhatIsItNow A very interesting novel with mysterious characters.
However, it does not work well as a movie at all.
Questionable scene transitions, uneven performances, and sub-par directing make this vampire better
off dead.
Well, our scores seem to be all over the place, so lets go ahead and rate Twilight!
A 5 and a 1!
In a rare instance, my score is actually significantly higher than yours!
Twilight wasn't a great movie by any means, but I also didn't think it was nearly as horrible
as everyone is saying.
It may have been awkward, but I was able to enjoy it for what it was, I scored it an "Alright".
You folks vehemently insulted this film, hating everything from the sparkly vampires to Stewart's
atrocious acting - scoring it a Garbage.