Hello, everybody. My name is Markiplier, and welcome to I wanna run the Marathon.
Now, I wanna run the Marathon is a version
of "I wanna be the Guy", and I wanna be the Guy is a game that's gonna
make you rage your intestines out.
Not really, if you know what you're doing and you have some patience
But when have you ever known me to have that sort of stuff?
But some say this one's even better than the original. in fact, It was a game that was played during "Games Done Quick"
I don't know if it was this year, or if it was recently
But, there have been others that have been made, and this is one of them.
This game is really simple, right?
I wanna be the Guy is a game where you're a little kid and you've got
a gun and
the means with which to jump and shoot. You've got a double jump,
And that's all there is to it. So, once we get going with everything
you'll see what it's a--
ooohh
Alright
AH! (sad markimoo)
Alright, that's okay
I should've known something like that was going to happen
I should've known the tree was going to descend on me
This is actually the first screen of I wanna be the Guy
How do I start over?
wait
wait, hang on
Wait wha? No! hey!
*nervous laughter* Wait a minute!
Wait a minute, I just closed the game. Ohh come on now!
I just started! *laugh-crying*
*Laughs sadly* I just started
Okay, I know there's got to be a w--
There is a way to not have to exit the game.
I know that's a-- *laughs*
It's gotta be a true!
Please tell me that's a true! Alright.. (focus time)
*random noises of markimoo struggling*
Okay, that's... that's pretty--
AHH! ...oHHH!
How do I go again?? oh there we go! wait...
I just... I don't know what I did
Aaahaha
Now this isn't 'I wanna be the Guy'
This is I wanna run- MOHH!
This is I wanna run the Marathon
Which just means that I need to be a biiiit more intelligent about this. Okay.
HahoHAHoHA Oho, bon oui!
eEH OOo UHH
Okay!
*Laughs in pain after death*
Okay...NOOOOOO!
That's not what I wanted at all.
*Markimoo's inner noises of focus and failure*
Oh no! Oooh no! oHH come ooon! I'm really trying!
Yeah, are you all clenched out there? Because I'm gonna need it, a lot
This- ooooh baby!
I don't like it-- *cries of struggling* I DOOnNNTT LiKKE THATT
No, no, NO! Okay, it's like the ghosts from MARIo BROOOThers! Don't like that.
Oh, come on!!
*very high voice* Why didn't I do the full jump?
Ugh...
Ooooh!
Okay, we're just gonna go for it. We're gonna go for it. We're gonna go for it!
NOO!
Ahh, you sack of poop. Ahh, you sack of poop
No.
No!
Oh come uh - oo - o - oo - oonn
And shoot! Nooope, it's- surprisingly, It don't work.
Hooop
Okay. Heh! Hoh!
HEHOUHH
OH COME ON, how was that not doing it?!
How's it not doing it? :(
oh no, uh oh
Uhh!
Come on!!
That's gotta be...
That's gotta be the onnnnne! And so, I just gotta trick this one thing.. *Mark's evil laugh*
Okay, now I got it. Okay, this last one!
Willing to bet.. OH!!
HEEEYY! *crying* I can't believe this is working so well for meeeeeee
*sad laughter*
Alright, we're gonna get through this. How am I gonna get through this??
Ooh! Noooo, but that's how you do it! that's how you do it!
Okay, hop! Easy peasy!
*Very shocked and angry Mark*
Ohhhh, you turd sandwich, you... oh you turd sandwich you... Oh no you- ooh
How? UGhh, hOOW?
Oh boy!! ohHH BOY!
Ahh, you just need to go all the way over. Okay, I got this. Okay, I got this
I-Guuhu, I got this
*crazed laughter*
Ha ha oh no
Oh no, oh no
my brain can't handle this timing. All the neurons are firing in my brain, telling me to run!
Run, Markiplier, run! Run away from this, never return! And yet here I stand- okay.
Ohhh, I didn't even make it all the way! Oh... Tit my sprinkles...
Oh God
Alright, run. Run, Markiplier, run. This is a terrible place to be-
AAHHHHH
Sorry, just need to get my vocal lessons out of the way
Man, you ever just remember how much you suck every day? Day in and day out?
You're just constantly reminded that you're just a garbage human being and that everything you do is always gonna
be trash so why even bother in life?
Do you remember that, do you ever think that guys? You ever look in the mirror and just are recognized by nothing?
except your own failures as y- ohhh
-as you go through life day by day, being reminded of all the things that you didn't do right in your life? You ever-
*cries as he slowly loses his sanity*
This is gonna be a loong night by the way, so everybody better buckle up
You better get some goddamn snacks because it's gonna be, ohh, it's gonna be a major overhaul
Before I get out of here, ooh yeah
*orgasm of sorrow*
*random accent* Like a gentle butterfly
oof, I slam myfelf- faith- fathe firtht into deeaafth...
Ohh boy, how many times I'm gonna land on this spike, directly on my butthole?
Ohh man, I mean it's no wonder I explode into a spear of blood. It's like straight spearing me in half
No, this is wrong. Oh, tha- that was right. Okay. Nooo, I g-
hesitated, I was fine!
Why did I think I was safe there, for even but a moment?
Why did I think my butt was safe there, even for a butt moment?
Ehhh, one more- ooh! AH! Oohoohoo!
Well, I'm never gonna be able to make this. How in the frick frackin' fucker duck...
How? How would I do this, I ask?
No--! *sobs silently*
You assho-o-ole
You asshooole! You asshooole!
You assHOOOLE
You ASSHOOOLE
ohh...
Man, my asshole! My asshooole is being speared on spikes.
Ay-ay-ay-ay... one of these days I'll get it in my brain for the timing of this. Nope, not that time.
You know, I said one of these days; that day could be infinity time from now, when I actually learn my lesson.
Ohh, if I could just get my brain to work, you know
You know some people say you only use 10% of your brain? I'm operating at a cool
2%. It's basically like the consistency of milk inside my noggin, and it's just as delicious
*whispers* oh god dammit--
Ohhh God I hesitated, why did I hesitate? I just need to not hesitate on that one moment. That's all I got to do
Aaall I gotta do-- ohhh
oh
You're-- ffffff
Frick. You fricker. Ooh, yes, okay!
Uh, ooh! Tricked ya
I'm just gonna... tricked ya-- ohhhh!
Ha hah!
What am I doing here? What am I even doing?
What- how are you gonna mess with me next, is my answer. Because if I fall down that hole, I am boned--
NNOOOO
Ah...
Alright, I got this. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so--
I don't know why I did that, everyone asking why. You think I know why?
I don't, I really don't. I don't know why I did that.
I panicked.
I had opportunity inside my claws and I just- I did nothing with it.
Oh god, right on my ballsack, again!
Again, on my balls
Ohhh, wow. Yeah, right there. Right there.
*shouts of regret*
Why? Why am I doing that?
Why am I doing that, why? Why am I doing that?
Noooo...
No, no noooo...
No, I'm angry, grrr... Look at how ang- why? Why am I doing that? I...
I'm just being a big old sack of poopie
Oh God, I'm doing it again and again. Getting better at it though, that's a nice thing
--I say as I smash my taint upon the rocks once more, twice more... How about a third time, there we go.
That's the charm.
Ohh, new one, huh?
Oh really?
Okay, alright y--
Ookay, alright.
Oh
What's weird about this game is I start to become dissociated from the character, like for some reason my brai- ughh, my brain isn't quite like
translating that this guy is what I'm controlling. For some reason every time I respond, it like throws me off.
Ohh man, just to give another excuse to how my brain doesn't work right. Now how in thee hell...
Does it expect me to do this?
Okay
AAH! I slammed right into it, I didn't even try!
I didn't even try! I didn't even try!
Oh, I didn't even try- ohhh I'm not even trying anymore
Come on!
I'm doing it as gently as I coould
Ohh boy, oh boy. Oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy!
Oh, I'm as gentle as a but-TER-fly
ohhh
OOOHHH
Sorry; another one of my vocal warm-ups that I just had to get out of my chest. Okay, that's- what do you want from me? Huh?
What--
Okay
No!-- oh
Okay, what trick? What trap? There's gonna be a trap. huh! huh! hoh-h!
Heh, whoo, ha, ee!
Hoh!
I mean, I know it's gonna be hard enough as it is. Oh boy... That looks awful.
Here we go.
Huh--AAHH WHAT?!
You dickhole!
You dickhooole, oh you dickHOLE.
Oh you hooole of dick, you whole dick!
Ohhh you whole dick. Okay, okay.
And jump-- noooooo!
I didn't trigger it enouuugh
Gotta have faith in my own skills, which I do not have and nobody should have
Man, if my skills were a stock, it would be tanking right now
Oh boy, I hate liiife!
I hate li- I hate life. I hate--ohh, I hate life!
Okay
You guys just ever think about life, and how much you hate it?
Ooh, there we go.
[operatic singing] NOOOOOOOOO!
Sorry, I thought I'd practice my new hit single. Oh, I don't like that it takes me 10 tries to just get past the beginning
every
Goddamn time
No! God, why doesn't it--
Ohh!
Is it like on a random timer or something? Is that what you are? Is that what you are to me?
Is that what I am to you? Why-- it wasn't time to go, so why did I go? I'll never know.
Look at the snow. Oh, I-- watch me blow- UP
Whoa ha ha, I just wanted to catch that little point on my bowel right before it goes in the ground!
I wanted to make sure I got a sweet taste of that one! Oh, I never knew when it was gonna come around again
Oh boy, and just to set the record straight, yes, I did enjoy it. I did, I did. I really did
Come on... Don't.
*cries of pain and sorrow*
Ohhh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god! Oh my god!
Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! OHH MY GOD!
Alrighty then
Whahahahahat
That's the mating call of the what-the-fuck bird. I can't get this to save my life
I mean obviously, 'cause I keep dying so much
I can't get this, cuz my life is over. Okay.
There we go- oh that time you work great? Okay--
NOOOOO!
Give me a second. You can't tell me that that left jutting son-of-a-bitch right over there isn't
finicky, like
What the hell?
What kind of attitude
adjustment do you need?
Okay
Oooh-UHH! OOOHHH GOD DAMMIT
*mating call*
EEE!
AAHHH!
OH, oh, oh, oh, oh!
Yes, yes yes, yes! I did it!
I d-- *smooch smooch smooch smooch smooch smooch smooch smooch*
With these big ol' bad boys! *smooch smooch smooch*
*Crazy La Paint outro music playing*
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