uh Dear Dave uh letter number one begins do people on the NBC Studios tour get to stop
by your office and snap a quick photo with you regards Ernie geech Garofalo uh War ax Nebraska
uh yeah I think the answer to this question is obviously sure they I mean you know the tours are
always just the other day as a matter of fact I was in my dressing room right this way and
here's his dressing room right down here do you think we could get a quick photo with Dave sure
so there you go that's what it was 14 years okay huh I don't got something I don't get what
something I don't understand it's a problem why are NBC tours coming to your office we're on CBS
NBC are you crazy we've been on NBC we started on NBC we're still on NBC and we'll finish up right
here on NBC we've been here since the beginning I'll get it we're on CBS Biff back me up on this
we moved to CBS in 1993. yeah uh yeah right Paul 1993 is seven years from now seven years
from now but this is no this is 1999 now Paul it's 1986. you're set my mindset my clothes
am I going crazy this installment of let's screw with Paul shaffer's mind has been brought to you
by Bounty the quicker picker upper back to you Dave you get that this had a nice sponsor Bounty
I know I was nicely sponsored this is something we don't get at all they got a sponsor Bounty paper
towels a little Millennium company I have nothing Red Cross yeah but thank God for Larry King did
you get that thing that out that screw with your mind did you get that it's a surrealistic thing
yeah I'm not sure I get it either uh Dear Dave I really need tickets to your show to give to my
wife for our 25th wedding anniversary on October 26 1999. can you bypass some of the red tape and
help me get the tickets Kenny Clark Elizabethtown Kentucky uh you know when we got your letter I was
taken by and I thought well you know 25 years what is that you know that thing was each anniversary
has a special kind of yeah so I got to put it together for a chart take a look at this here
candy let me see okay start off with tradition 15th anniversary Crystal Crystal how long have
you been married Paul I'm coming up on nine years oh okay well this chart doesn't apply then
we started off at 15. I know I wish I could help you out I'm way
down right now just coming overnight all I'm waiting for is a talking dog
20th anniversary uh the gift is China okay now 25th let's see two tickets the light
show and Dave Letterman yeah that's right now let's see what the 30th anniversary is
if your 25th anniversary gift is a pair of Late Show tickets there ain't gonna be a 30th
Anniversary my friend you know what I'm saying yeah show me the dog show me the dog there you go
uh hey Dave if you were the first man on the moon what words of wisdom would
you have said when you took that first step Mark Crown Point Indiana you know
this is kind of a coincidence because in our balcony tonight commemorating
man's Voyage to the Moon 30 years ago is lunar Pioneer Apollo 11 astronaut Buzz Aldrin Buzz
is everything okay Buzz found this piece of gum stuck to the surface of
the balcony who knows how many Mysteries of the universe it will unlock marvelous
This truly is America's most American hero Buzz Aldrin ladies and gentlemen
maybe a crimp in Buzz's air hose
letter number four Dear Dave have you ever eaten
cheese with a baboon in the afternoon Megan Cottrell Brighton Michigan um
doesn't mean anything you know what that means that's one of those euphemisms does that mean
something not sure about that uh but yeah I think as a matter of fact earlier today I think exactly
another coincidence here is this what happened earlier today take a look there look at that
I have a cheese plate there and that's our announcer uh
excuse me Jay what the hell have they done to Alan calter's head what is that all about good Lord
that's either his head but not his body or his body not his head is that what have they
done there huh yeah please do check that wow that that looks like beginning surgery it's just like
oh my God okay anyway yeah so there you are I mean what is it Alan
so I'm a baboon yeah yeah I guess so is that the joke you gotta learn to laugh at yourself yeah
right Dave Dave which writer is responsible for this was it Tom rubric no I don't think
it was Tom uh it was Steve Young no no no as a matter of fact so it was it was a director's idea
Gary Foley's idea you know to be honest with you Allen is my idea I thought it'd be funny
it was your idea yes it was my idea I just thought it would be funny we get the picture we call you
baboon and then we go on that's all oh it's got to be funny excuse me for a minute Dave sure
foreign
oh hi Alan
you feel better
Alan Crawford all right let's close up the CBS mailbag here we go