This video is not intended to invalidate the importance of control.
In some cases, control - especially self-control - is necessary.
We need it to plan, to work, and to engage in relationships.
But too much of it is counterproductive and a waste of energy.
In many cases, instead of exerting control, it might be a better idea to let go.
Moreover, letting go at the right moment will lead to much more satisfaction and better results.
Control freaks.
We all know them.
They think that by pulling all the strings in their environment they will, somehow, improve
it, or at least, make it bearable.
But their very string-pulling is making their life unbearable in the first place.
And not only their lives; the lives of others as well.
The core motivator for control freaks is fear.
They fear that when they do not pull the strings, everything will fall apart.
Well, probably some things will fall apart when they stop controlling them.
But, most likely, it won't be the catastrophe that they fear.
They cannot bear to be out of control, and surrendering to the moment isn't an option.
But letting go is actually a powerful tool lying in their tool shed.
They just never used it.
First of all, it is understandable that people do not value the power of letting go.
Because letting go - or doing nothing - is seen as a form of passivity.
Especially in this age of prestige and achievement, passivity is looked down upon.
Some people are so afraid to do nothing that they rather just do something, even when this
makes a situation worse, than just letting it be, knowing that this is probably the best
option.
Because when you're doing something, people at least perceive you as useful and you might
experience a sense of control.
While, when not doing anything, people might see you as passive, uninterested or, even, weak.
So, the power of letting go is hidden in a paradox.
And to discover this power we need to understand how the paradox works.
This is where a sage named Lao Tzu comes in.
Lao Tzu is the author of the most important scripture in Taoism, called the Tao Te Ching.
This book is a short manual for life, that contains an overlooked philosophy also known
as ‘Wu Wei’.
Wu Wei can be translated as effortless action or, simply, non-action.
I quote:
One who seeks knowledge learns something new every day.
One who seeks the Tao unlearns something new every day.
Less and less remains until you arrive at non-action.
When you arrive at non-action, nothing will be left undone.
Mastery of the world is achieved by letting things take their natural course.
You can not master the world by changing the natural way.
End quote.
Now, if we put this into practice we'll notice a few things.
First of all, we discover that problems often solve themselves.
In many cases, they do not need our intervention.
Moreover, by intervening we often make things worse.
Beyond the things we do control, which is, in a nutshell, our own actions, everything
lies in the hands of a universe that is completely out of control.
We can also apply this idea to situations in which people say nasty things about us:
this is not in our control.
So, why not let it go?
Time heals all wounds.
And by taking a step back and just observing, we create a space for nature to let things
play out as they will.
Anger we might have will dissolve, and people's opinions change all the time.
The power of letting go applies to very simple and mundane things, like cooking a meal or
flying an airplane.
A great part of these activities involves non-intervention.
Another example is a wound on the body, that we seem to have great difficulties with to
keep our hands off.
Also internal wounds like grief over a breakup, often heal quickly by just sitting with it
and letting it erode naturally.
I quote:
Who can be still until their mud settles and the water is cleared by itself?
Can you remain tranquil until right action occurs by itself?
The Master doesn’t seek fulfillment.
For only those who are not full are able to be used which brings the feeling of completeness.
End quote.
Letting go means that we do not grasp for something.
This doesn’t mean that we should never do that, but in many cases, it is unnecessary
to find a sense of fulfillment and completeness.
Also, in many cases, keeping our hands to ourselves will create better results.
The reason for this is not only that the universe takes care of itself, but also that the very
act of clinging often has a detrimental effect.
It's not a surprise that, in general, people do not like control freaks, and in their presence,
they often do the exact same things that the control freak fears: lying, deception, talking
badly behind their backs.
Control freaks often experience problems with interpersonal relationships, because the people
around them feel controlled.
And in the workplace, more often than not, a control freak is destructive to the overall
performance of the team.
That's why Lao Tzu states that the best leaders are the ones that are not overly controlling.
I quote:
The best leaders are those the people hardly know exist.
The next best is a leader who is loved and praised.
Next comes the one who is feared.
The worst one is the leader that is despised.
End quote.
The key, according to Lao Tzu, is trust.
Because if we don't trust people, they will become untrustworthy.
And we can only let go, sit back, and relax, if we trust the universe enough to become
receptive to what it throws at us, knowing that we will cope.
This trust also plays a part in any activity we engage in, from writing to sports.
By letting go of our mental blocks and just do it, we become the activity.
We experience this when we are completely immersed in something, which is also known
as the flow state.
In this flow state, it's almost like the poem writes itself, the song sings itself and the
dance dances itself.
There is no separation anymore between us and the action.
The action takes no effort, as it goes naturally and without the intervention of thought.
In my opinion, this is one of the most profound examples of letting go.
By letting go, we create space for the universe to do its thing.
The workings of nature will not cost us any additional energy.
And if we are really able to tap into this force, we can get a free and effortless ride,
like a sailor on the sea.
Thank you for watching.