>> AND NOW IT IS TIME TO PLAY "WHAT EVEN MATTERS ANY MORE?"
WITH YOUR HOST, VERONICA ELDER. >> HEY FOLKS, WELCOME TO "WHAT
EVEN MATTERS ANY MORE?" THE SHOW WHERE I TELL YOU
SOMETHING OUR PRESIDENT DID OR SAID, AND YOU HAVE TO TELL ME
DOES IT EVEN MATTER ANYMORE? FIRST, LET'S MEET OUR
CONTESTANTS. >> HEY.
>> HI. >> GREAT, FIRST QUESTION, THE
PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES REFERS TO AFRICAN COUNTRIES AS
POO-POO HOLES, AND SAYS ALL HAITIANS ALL HAVE AIDS.
DOES IT EVEN MATTER ANYMORE? [ BUZZER ]
>> THAT'S REALLY BAD, YEAH, SO THAT HAS TO MATTER.
[ BUZZER ] >> ACTUALLY, IT DOES NOT MATTER.
ZERO CONSEQUENCES AND EVERYONE JUST MOVES ON.
NEXT, THE PRESIDENT HAS AN EXTRAMARITAL AFFAIR WITH A PORN
STAR RIGHT AFTER HIS WIFE GIVES BIRTH TO HIS SON.
THEN HE PAYS THE PORN STAR TO SHUT UP.
DOES IT EVEN MATTER TO SAVE HIS EVANGELICAL BASE?
[ BUZZER ] >> TO EVANGELICALS, OF COURSE IT
MATTERS, IT'S AGAINST EVERYTHING THEY STAND FOR.
[ BUZZER ] >> YOU'D THINK SO, BUT NO.
THEY JUST SAY HE'S REPENTED AND THEY FORGIVE HIM AND MIKE PENCE
IS LIKE, "THAT'S MY DUDE." NEXT, THE PRESIDENT FIRES
ROBERT MUELLER, THE VERY MAN INVESTIGATING HIM FOR TREASON.
DOES IT EVEN MATTER? >> HE HASN'T DONE THAT YET.
>> YEAH, BUT YOU KNOW, HE'S GONNA.
SO WHEN HE DOES, WILL IT EVEN MATTER?
>> I'M GOING TO SAY YES, THAT WOULD MATTER.
THAT'S A CLEAR LINE THAT HE'D BE CROSSING.
>> OH, SO CLOSE. YOU WERE RIGHT THAT IT WOULD
CROSS THE LINE, BUT YOU WERE WRONG TO THINK IT WOULD MATTER
IN THE LEAST. REPUBLICANS WOULD JUST SHRUG AND
MUMBLE SOMETHING ABOUT HILLARY'S EMAILS.
>> YEAH, BUT THEY HAVE A CONSCIOUS.
>> JUDGES, DO THEY HAVE A CONSCIOUS?
[ BUZZER ] SORRY, WE CHECKED AND THEY
DON'T. >> I'M SORRY, IS THIS STILL PART
OF THE GAME? >> IT DOESN'T EVEN MATTER
ANYMORE. >> ARE THERE LIKE POINTS?
>> NEXT QUESTION! THE PRESIDENT BUILDS A WALL, BUT
HIRES ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS TO BUILD IT AND HE ACCIDENTALLY
PUTS AN UNLOCKED DOOR EVERY TEN FEET.
WOULD THAT MATTER? >> OKAY, I'M SENSING A PATTERN
HERE SO I'M JUST GOING TO SAY IT WOULDN'T MATTER.
[ RINGING ] >> YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT,
GREG. >> IT'S BERNARD.
>> YOU'D THINK TRUMP SUPPORTERS WOULD GET MAD, BUT THEN TRUMP
BLURTS OUT, "CHUCK SCHUMER DID IT."
AND EVERYONE BELIEVES HIM. THEY JUST BELIEVE HIM.
>> OKAY, WELL, YOU KNOW THAT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN, RIGHT?
>> DOES IT EVEN MATTER ANYMORE? FAKE NEWS!
FAKE NEWS! >> ARE YOU OKAY?
>> I'M GREAT! OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT, YOU GUYS,
WHY DON'T YOU JUST WRITE DOWN WHAT YOU THINK WOULD MATTER,
WHAT YOU ACTUALLY THINK WOULD LEAD TO ANY KIND OF
CONSEQUENCES. 10 SECONDS ON THE CLOCK.
AND WHILE YOU'RE WRITING, I'M JUST GOING TO DRINK.
ALL RIGHT, WHAT DO YOU GOT? >> I WROTE, "TRUMP PUNCHES
POPE." I THINK THAT WOULD BE LIKE
REALLY BAD. >> YOU'D THINK SO, BUT A LOT OF
PEOPLE STILL HATE CATHOLICS. NEXT.
>> OKAY, I WROTE CANCELS OLYMPICS BECAUSE FLAGS ARE
"GAY." >> ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
HIS APPROVAL RATINGS WOULD JUMP FIVE POINTS.
NEXT. >> I WROTE, "SEX TAPE WITH
DON JR." I MEAN, THAT WOULD LIKE CHECK A
LOT OF BOXES. >> YOU'D THINK SO, BUT FOX NEWS
WOULD JUST REPORT THAT HE'S A FAMILY MAN BECAUSE TRULY NOTHING
MATTERS. NONE OF IT MATTERS.
>> JESSICA. >> IT'S VERONICA --
VERONICA ELDERS. >> JESSICA, YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO
THIS. >> YEAH, JESSICA, WE KNOW YOU'RE
UPSET ABOUT THE WAY OUR COUNTRY IS GOING, BUT YOU CAN'T JUST
LIKE BUILD A WHOLE GAME SHOW SET AND MAKE US PRETEND TO BE
CONTESTANTS. >> EVEN THOUGH SOME OF US RELISH
THE OPPORTUNITY TO BECOME BERNARD.
>> I'M SORRY GUYS, IT JUST SEEMS LIKE NOTHING MATTERS ANYMORE.
>> YEAH, YEAH, WE GOT THAT FROM THE NAME OF THE SHOW AND HOW YOU
KEPT SAYING IT OVER AND OVER. BUT IT'S GOING TO BE OKAY,
JESSICA. COME ON, YEAH, THERE'S ANOTHER
ELECTION IN 2018 AND DEMOCRATS HAVE A REAL CHANCE OF TAKING
BACK -- >> OH, MY GOD, YOU'RE RIGHT,
DOESN'T MATTER. >> HOW DOESN'T IT MATTER?
>> WELL HEY, I MEAN AT LEAST THE STOCK MARKET IS UP.
>> NOW! KENAN YOU GO NOW!
>> WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT, KENAN WILL LEAVE, BUT BIRDIE WILL
STAY. >> WELL, THANKS FOR WATCHING AND
AS ALWAYS, THE HOST OF TONIGHT'S SHOW GETS A HUG BECAUSE HE
REALLY NEEDS. >> ARE WE SUPPOSED TO HUG YOU
NOW? >> YES.
>> YEAH? OKAY.
>> THANKS FOR WATCHING "WHAT EVEN MATTERS ANYMORE?"
CONTESTANTS ON THE SHOW STAY AT -- TRUMP TOWER, THAT'S NOT
GOOD. AND TONIGHT'S EPISODE IS
SPONSORED BY -- LITTLE BALL.
WHEN YOU CAN'T TAKE THE NEWS ANYMORE, JUST CRAWL UP INTO A
LITTLE BALL AND ROCK YOURSELF TO SLEEP.