Days, weeks, and even years of contemplating is considered a normal part of the INFJ door
slamming process. With the tendency to give one too many chances and the uncertainty when
it comes to their own emotions, the process leading up to a door slam is never easy.
So, what are the most essential questions an INFJ needs to ask themselves before
taking the leap and never looking back? Welcome or welcome back PSYCH-Os! That’s exactly
what we’ll be discussing in today’s video. Before we get into it, we’d love it if you liked and
subscribe to our channel, as well as to click the post notification bell so you never miss a video!
Alright, let’s jump right into it starting with..
Number 1: What do I really need? The forever-asked question of the INFJ..
“What do I really need?” Notorious for people-pleasing and putting others
before themselves, INFJs are usually much more absorbed in what other people need to be happy.
However, due to their analytical nature, their need for constant self improvement, and their
secondary extroverted feeling function that causes them to absorb other people’s feelings,
this selfless personality type rarely really knows or questions what it is they need to change in
their lives in order to be happy. Sure, it’s easy to avoid tension in the moment, or stay blissfully
ignorant to the things that truly need to be adjusted, but INFJs need to keep in mind that
it’s the little things left unattended-to that will eventually snowball into serious unhappiness
and dissatisfaction in the future. So what is it that you ‘need’ as an INFJ? Well, we’ll help
you get started. Most INFJs need things like supportive family members, like-minded friends,
ample amounts of alone time, the ability to creatively express themselves, proper work-life
balance, and work that allows them the freedom to use their creativity. What else can you add to
that list? What do you really need from life aside from what your connections are or aren’t giving?
Number 2: What is my minimum requirement of others
Sometimes it’s not what someone did to an INFJ, but rather what they didn’t do for the connection.
Although boundary-crossing may be considered the one-way track to door-slamville,
(which we’ll discuss later in the video), sometimes it’s more-so about the short-coming that
INFJs sense within their surrounding connections that encourage them to ultimately door slam.
The tricky thing is that INFJs know themselves to have unnecessarily high-expectations of themselves
and others at times..so high that some say they’re unattainable. Not only that,
but this extroverted feeler may not even know how strict their requirements of others are,
or what those requirements even are. So, in the simplest of terms, INFJs need to
figure out what it is they expect of people in general before concluding that someone deserves
to be door slammed. Once this analytical type stops placing requirements on their connections
on a whim and actually sets a foundation for what they want like we discussed in the first step,
then they can go ahead and begin to decipher what they need from others. Not only is it considerably
easier to communicate these expectations to people once you’ve gone through them yourself,
but it also gives the INFJ the ability to either rationalize the requirement if not ultimately
cut it out from their pickiness all together. Number 3: Did I take significant time and space?
We’d hate to say it dear INFJs, but maybe it’s your fault. Maybe you want to doorslam certain
people because you didn’t take the necessary time out of the connection for yourself. Maybe you
didn’t take the time to really question whether or not you've communicated the necessary balance
within a relationship that you need to be happy. Heck, maybe burnout has you sensing conflict where
there is none to be found. Now, we don’t want to gaslight ourselves into thinking we’re going crazy
and that there isn’t a doorslam to be contemplated. However, before taking the leap,
every INFJ needs to ask themselves if they’ve personally taken the necessary time and space
to think things through with a clear conscience. This is so crucial for this type in particular
because even the slightest hint of conflict can drive them into defense mode. And although INFJs
aren’t known for lashing out or reacting without thinking, they need to constantly be questioning
whether or not their inner reactions are out of an attempt to shield themselves from deeper injuries.
So, if an INFJ were to find themselves in the heat of the moment where they think a door slam
is the only option, stop, drop and run! If it’s possible, it’s best to seize the raw emotion of
the moment in order to later pair that emotional information with their strong intuitive skills
in order to get a true and accurate projection of the matter. After all, introverted intuition
is the INFJ’s inner compass-like superpower for directing them out of harm's way. And if
it’s given the space to work it’s magic, you’d be surprised at how trustworthy it really is.
Number 4: Did they cross any serious boundaries?
Speaking of boundaries, INFJs have a difficult time with boundary setting and boundary keeping,
and it seems to be a difficulty that follows them through life in different ways.
They may not be the clearest or most stern when it comes to personal bounds within their connections,
but that’s because most of the INFJ’s boundaries are considered common sense in most instances..
or, at least to them they are. And because of these unspoken-of, common sense-rooted boundaries,
there are some offenses that INFJs find merely unforgivable right off the bat. When it comes
to threats or crimes against their bodies, financial independence, personal voice,
mental health or family, INFJs will resort to door slamming to avoid any further disruption to their
ability to move through their lives with full, comfortable range of motion. In these instances,
there’s not much thinking or analyzing going on, but rather the infj’s unique approach of the fight
or flight mode. It’s as if it’s not even up to the INFJ in these situations whether or not the
circumstance calls for a true doorslam, because once the threshold for what they cannot tolerate
has been reached, INFJs subconsciously give themselves all the permission to bolt that door
shut no matter what their people-pleasing instincts are pulling them to do. In reality,
this self-sufficient type will always put their security, safety and freedom above all else,
especially in terms of boundaries with others. Number 5: Are they genuinely sorry?
Crossing clearly communicated boundaries is one thing the INFJ will most likely never come
back from, especially if it’s happened more than once. However, for other instances and fallouts,
sometimes INFJs can find a soft spot in their hearts that allows them to avoid
the door slam completely. With the ability to sense when someone is being distrustful,
most people with this personality type will be able to sense the difference between genuine and
disingenuous remorse. So, the next most important question an INFJ can ask when deciphering whether
or not they should finally slam that door is simply, is this person actually sorry?
Are they sorry just with their words or also their actions? Because INFJs know first hand that
apologies only count if there is changed behavior that follows. In other words, to the INFJ, saying
sorry opens the door to healing but it only does just that. It’s up to both individuals to play
their part in the forgiveness process once that door has been cracked. And with that information,
INFJs are able to slowly choose whether or not the door ‘slammy’ in the situation is
really due for another chance. Plus, the INFJ specifically needs to keep in mind that it’s
okay to ask for more than just a couple of words in exchange for the pain someone caused them,
especially if it’s for the sake of avoiding an abrupt ending to the connection.
Number 6: Have I reached my limit of chances given?
Even with all the genuinity in the world, sometimes INFJs can see that
the other individual truly believes their wrong doings won’t ever happen again.
They genuinely think it’s the ‘last time’ and that’s when INFJs know to
see their genuinity for what it is rather than what they personally want it to be.
Once this analytical type can sense a pattern forming through past disappointments with the same
individual, no amount of emotion and empathy will surpass their logical perception. The kicker to it
all is that INFJs subconsciously choose to forgive and forget for the sake of their own mental peace.
This means that when the time comes to mentally gather up the data they’ve collected through
past experiences, they’ll find that the picture they’ve painted may be biasedly leaving out a
few key negatives. However, when this empath type allows their logical side to take over
it’s easier for them to take note of just how many “last times” and “second
chances” have been given. This is when the harsh realizations and ah-ha moments occur that maybe
Well PSYCH-Os, that’s it for today’s video.. So, have you asked all 6 questions before door
slamming in the past? Let us know in the comments below! Also, make sure to leave us a like,
share with your friends and also subscribe to our channel so that you never miss a video!