Good evening.
Danny had to hit an emergency Summer Society meeting, so it’s just me today.
And I know that some of you watching think that we’re overreacting,
but you’ve got to admit it looks pretty hinky.
The under the sea party.
And yes, that is Sarah Jane dancing with a gentleman who apparently thought a shirt didn’t go with his seahorse crown.
But the interesting thing is about five feet behind them where Carmilla is at a swim team party.
This,
is...
the psychology wine and cheese.
So what the hell is a third year philosophy dilettante doing there,
giving Natalie the stalkerest-y stalker eyes ever?
And then, there is the nail in the proverbial coffin:
Carmilla talking to, possibly even arguing with,
Elsie.
Or as you may remember her:
[Flashback]
study buddy.
I may have no idea what’s going on here,
but it seems pretty damn clear that my sleeps all day, chocolate pinching replacement roommate
is up to her ultra thick eyeliner in it.
And if she is, well,
confronting her has historically been about as effective as using bug spray on Voldemort.
[Flashback]
[Hits Kirsch] Maybe I just don’t enjoy being hauled in front of the dean because of your ridiculous [hits Kirsch] project.
Oooookay.
So,
So, do I start not just surveilling her but actively investigating my own roommate,
completely disregarding anything like interpersonal boundaries and essentially stalking her?
We started yesterday.
And the best part is,
she’s too lazy to even watch these videos, so I can keep you guys in the loop and she’ll never even know.
[Cheesy electronic music]
Or if she is watching, then she’ll have to confront me.
[faint sounds of an angry mob]
What the..?
[Danny runs in and locks the door behind her]
Are you okay?
Did they try to get in?
Who are “they”?
The Zetas.
They were trying to walk the women’s swim team home from the gym, but then one of the girls called us for help.
But then someone shoved someone, and now it’s turned into this big turf war
over who’ll protect the gym or the track
or who knows what else! I didn’t know if it made it this far. I had to know if you were okay.
Oh, wow. That’s… Why are you wearing warpaint?
[Knocking at the door]
Hey, little nerd! Laura! Are you in there?
Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me.
Laura? Laura! What are you doing?!
It’s only Kirsch! [opens door] We’re fine.
I was really worried about you because—
[Danny grabs his ear and drags him to the bed]
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!
Danny, geez!
Come on! Why are the hotties in this room always trying to hurt me?!
Karma?
Uncool, Summer Psycho. Not Mark of Kingsberry rules.
That’s boxing, dumbass.
I can’t believe you let him in here. For all you know, he was trying to take this dorm for the Zetas!
Hey, we’re just trying to protect hot people.
The only threat to the girls in this dorm are you and your fratdaddy frats.
Okay, maybe we should just…
That is unfair.
Ok ‘cause I’m here out of the, like, bro-ness of my heart, alright?
I’m not even trying to hook up ‘cause I got a girlfriend, alright?
So why is everyone so pissed at us because we’re trying to keep the campus safe?
Because safe for you goons does not mean safe for everyone else!
Okay, no, no, seriously…
If you weren’t such a hottie, you’d be in big, big trouble.
[Pushes Kirsch onto the bed]
[Raises fists] Bring it, popped collar.
Okay! Stop it! Stop it, both of you!
I get it. You both wanna protect the campus.
So, has it even occurred to you that while you’re duking it out,
nobody is actually out there protecting anybody at all?!
But he’s the one who started—
He started it?! Really?!
We totally didn’t start it!
Not helping!
All I’m saying is that the actually useful thing to do might be to skip the smackdown in the middle of my bedroom
and go talk some sense into the idiots setting fire to security carts over who gets to protect people.
I knew from the first day of English Lit that you were smart. [to Danny] She is so smart.
Yes, she is.
And a hottie. That’s—
Aaaaand it’s time for you to go now.
[Danny pushes Kirsch out the door]
Laura, are you sure you’re gonna be okay by yourself?
Im fine.
Besides, she doesn’t know that I know anything. I should be worried about you, turf war and all.
Ah, it’s mostly just paintballs and anchovies. I’ll talk them down.
Take care!
[Danny leaves]
Take care? Really?
Not that my excruciating awkwardness should even be a blip right now.
I’ve got a roommate to surveil.
[Turns off lights]
[Gets into bed]
[Later that night]
Okay,
there was nothing there.
Because I left the stupid camera on and I’ve looked through all the surveillance…
There was nothing here.
It just seemed so real...
Like...
that weird moment of clarity during magic hour or
the moment right before a car crash.
I was in my room and there was something in my bed. Something under my bed.
This dark, prowling thing without a face.
And then it was this little girl crying.
I tried to pull the blankets over my face to hide
but the darkness started seeping through them like blood, more and more, until I was drowning in it.
[Scuttling noises, Laura turns]