What do you do when you're a 25y/o who can't stop regretting the past for being a failure now?
Better to waste 25 than 30.
Hit the restart button.
You’re on no one else’s timetable but your own
I felt exactly the same when I was 24 but didn’t know what to do.
I’d always wanted to study engineering at university but I’d messed about too much when I was younger and felt like I’d missed my chance.
I used to feel sick when I checked my bank balance out of fear of seeing the all too common negative number, or having my card swallowed.
I started dating a girl who’d just graduated from university and was looking for jobs and while she was looking she saw an engineering apprenticeship advertised, so I applied.
I started my apprenticeship a few months before my 25th
birthday, working alongside a 16 year old.
One of my tradesman was younger than me.
I went to college with kids who’d caused trouble at school so they were sent to vocational classes at the local college to keep them busy.
I remember trying to concentrate in class while one kid was being sent to stand outside for misbehaving and I felt so disheartened, like why was I there.
I stuck with it, got my trade papers, went on to a college course in Engineering Systems, finished my apprenticeship and was sponsored by my employer through an engineering degree.
I’m 37 now and I’m a senior manager for a FTSE 100 company.
I
earn more than I’d ever have imagined was achievable with awesome employee benefits.
I married the girl I was dating at the start of this story and we have two amazing kids.
We bought the house of our dreams a few years ago and now, we’ve outgrown it and are looking for houses that we still can’t really believe we can afford.
Don’t give up.
It gets better.
You just need to make one change, or take one step then keep going.
Use your age as a strength if you go for an interview.
Explain that you were immature and aimless and now you know yourself
and are resilient.
Employers love to hear that!
Good luck!
I'm going to tell you about my personal journey because I think it'll help you.
And while I could just DM you, I hope it helps someone else too.
Last year, at this time, I was suicidal.
I wanted to die.
I thought I had beep up my son's life, and my husband's life so badly that they would benefit from me dying.
I thought I had beep up my life so bad that the only right thing to do was off myself.
There were days that I woke up so weighed down and horribly sad that I literally couldn't function.
I'm not proud of this, but those days vastly outweighed the good days.
I would cry and cry
and cry.
I would be so nervous and anxious that I could barely breathe.
The only thing that helped me in those times was to throw myself head first into my son's schooling.
I was a pintrest mom.
The sort that would do all the huge projects, and science experiments.
I spent probably 60 hours a week between planning projects and school and actually doing it with my son.
All the while, I was one bad encounter, or wrong word from a stranger, away from killing myself.
The first thing I did was seek out therapy.
With my therapists
help, I was eventually (about 3 months in) able to see what a bomb ass mom I was.
My son was years ahead of his grade level because of me.
And he was genuinely the happiest kid around.
I was able to see that my wife skills were so far above par that it was ridiculous.
(Which is good because my husband's husband skills are just as high.)
After about 6 months of therapy, I had this epiphany that I value other people at a level so far above myself that it was honestly ridiculous.
So I started reading self help books.
I started with "#BestMeEver" and "You Do You".
They helped significantly.
I was able to pinpoint what I wanted from life, what needs weren't
being met, and what my goals moving forward were.
I was also able to identify that setting goals well above what is realistic for me to achieve is toxic behavior, and that I wouldn't tolerate that sort of thing being directed at my son or my husband, so I wouldn't tolerate it for myself either.
About a month after reading those books, I did something I never would have considered before.
I spent money on myself.
A fairly substantial amount of money.
(We could afford it, I just never would have done it had it not been for this particular realization.)
When I say I never used to spend money on myself, I mean never.
I hadn't bought new clothes in 10 years.
If I ever needed clothes, I got them from good will.
They were never what I wanted, or the quality I would have demanded my son and husband get.
I'd been getting $10 walmart shoes for about 15 years.
I used the 98 cent bottles of shampoo, and dollar store deodorant.
My monthly expenses were about $6.
This accounted for dollar razors, dollar hair ties, dollar deodorant and shampoo and conditioner, and anything "extra" I wanted.
After I got myself the things that I wanted *and* did indeed deserve, I started taking better care of myself.
I started paying
attention to how I looked, and that in turn has upped my self esteem in such a dramatic way.
I was never the pretty friend...ever.
I was always the hot mess who just rolled out of bed, and probably hasn't brushed her hair today.
All it took was a little TLC to realize I'm actually very pretty.
I'd just never had clothes that fit, a flattering hair style, or makeup before.
All in all, my life has dramatically improved since starting therapy.
(I actually haven't seen a therapist in 4 months now, because we moved across the country, and I haven't found a therapist near here that will take my insurance.
Even still, I'm happy.
And if I ever get to the point of needing therapy again,
I'll do it.
Because it's extremely important.)
Realise that many successful people weren’t famous until later in life.
Stan Lee made his first comic book when he was 39.
Harrison Ford was a self-taught carpenter until he started acting in his mid-30’s.
Hell, even Colonel Sanders had multiple jobs all his life and was a failing salesman for part of it.
He only started selling fried chicken his 60’s!
The key difference you can make right now is not giving up.
Keep trying and doing new things, keep discovering things about yourself.
When you find the right thing it doesn’t take long to become successful.
Edit: to add to this - It’s easy to think of people more successful than you as having a head start in life.
But remember success ties you down to what makes you successful.
Success makes you complacent and honestly, your 20’s should be spent discovering things, hustling and learning to adapt.
Don’t be surprised if you find people who found success early starting to decline or not understand how to maintain their success as time goes on.
Life is a long term game, and where you are at now is hardly a reflection of how you will spend the rest of it.
But that’s up to whether or not you’re willing to keep searching and adventuring through it all.
Keep it up!
And good luck!
I read a comment on reddit that changed my life.
Can't find it now but have saved it as it have helped me a lot.
Ouch.
Sounds like you're having a tough time max.
That sucks.
I've been there, so I kinda know what you're talking about.
I've been in the ever circling vortex of self doubt, frustration, and loathing.
It's no bueno.
I know.
If you don't mind lemme tell you a couple things.
You can read em if you want, read em again later if you feel like it.
But honestly man, if I spend all this time typing this out to you and you don't let it be a little tinder for your fire, well, you're just letting us both down.
And you don't HAVE to do that.
You don't HAVE to do anything.
But you get to
choose.
Rule numero uno - There are no more zero days.
What's a zero day?
A zero day is when you don't do a single beep thing towards whatever dream or goal or want or whatever that you got going on.
No more zeros.
I'm not saying you gotta bust an essay out everyday, that's not the point.
The point I'm trying to make is that you have to make yourself, promise yourself, that the new SYSTEM you live in is a NON-ZERO system.
Didnt' do anything all beep day and it's 11:58 PM?
Write one sentence.
One pushup.
Read one page of that chapter.
One.
Because one is non zero.
You feel me?
When you're in the super vortex of being bummed your pattern of behaviour is keeping the vortex
goin, that's what you're used to.
Turning into productivity ultimate master of the universe doesn't happen from the vortex.
It happens from a massive string of CONSISTENT NON ZEROS.
That's rule number one.
Do not forget.
Rule number 2 - BE GRATEFUL TO THE 3 YOU'S.
Uh what?
3 me's?
That sounds like mumbo jumbo beep News flash, there are three you's homeslice.
There's the past you, the present you, and the future you.
If you wanna love someone and have someone love you back, you gotta learn to love yourself, and the 3 you's are the key.
Be GRATEFUL to the past you for the positive things you've done.
And do favours for the future you
like you would for your best bro.
Feeling like beep today?
Stop a second, think of a good decision you made yesterday.
Salad and tuna instead of Big Mac?
THANK YOU YOUNGER ME.
Was yesterday a nonzero day because you wrote 200 words (hey, that's all you could muster)?
THANK YOU YOUNGER ME.
Saved up some coin over time to buy that sweet thing you wanted?
THANK YOU.
Second part of the 3 me's is you gotta do your future self a favour, just like you would for your best beep friend (no best friend?
you do now.
You got 2.
It's future and past you).
Tired as hell and can't get off reddit/videogames/interwebs?
beep you present self, this one's
for future me, i'm gonna rock out p90x Ab Ripper X for 17 minutes.
I'm doing this one for future me.
Alarm clock goes off and bed is too comfy?
beep you present self, this one's for my best friend, the future me.
I'm up and going for a 5 km run (or 25 meter run, it's gotta be non zero).
MAKE SURE YOU THANK YOUR OLD SELF for rocking out at the end of every.single.thing.
that makes your life better.
The cycle of doing something for someone else (future you) and thanking someone for the good in your life (past you) is key to building gratitude and productivity.
Do not doubt me.
Over time you should spread the gratitude to others who help you on your path.
Rule number 3- don't worry i'm gonna too long didnt' read this bad boy at the bottom (get a pencil and piece of paper to write it down.
seriously.
you physically need to scratch marks on paper) FORGIVE YOURSELF.
I mean it.
Maybe you got all the know-how, money, ability, strength and talent to do whatever is you wanna do.
But lets say you still didn't do it.
Now you're giving yourself beep for not doing what you need to, to be who you want to.
Heads up champion, being dissapointed in yourself causes you to be less productive.
Tried your best to have a nonzero day yesterday and it failed?
so what.
I forgive you previous self.
I forgive you.
But today?
Today is a nonzero
masterpiece to the best of my ability for future self.
This one's for you future homes.
Forgiveness man, use it.
I forgive you.
Say it out loud.
Last rule.
Rule number 4, is the easiest and its three words.
exercise and books.
that's it.
Pretty standard advice but when you exercise daily you actually get smarter.
when you exercise you get high from endorphins (thanks body).
when you exercise you clear your mind.
when you exercise you are doing your future self a huge favour.
Exercise is a leg on a three legged stool.
Feel me?
As for books, almost every beep thing we've all ever thought of, or felt, or gone through, or wanted, or wanted
to know how to do, or whatever, has been figured out by someone else.
Get some books max.
Post to reddit about not caring about yourself?
Good first step!
(nonzero day, thanks younger me for typing it out) You know what else you could do?
Read 7 habits of highly successful people.
Read "emotional intelligence".
Read "From good to great".
Read “thinking fast and slow”.
Read books that will help you understand.
Read the bodyweight fitness reddit and incorporate it into your workouts.
(how's them pullups coming?)
Reading is the beep warp whistle from Super Mario 3.
It gets you to the next level that much faster.
I applied to go back to school.
I still feel like a failure and my mental health isn’t great but at least I have a sense of stability and accountability, and that I’m moving forward slowly.
Things will get better, but sometimes it takes some work on your part.
It isn’t easy but you got this.
You can start with cleaning your room
Anyone else reading all the “Just start over” comments and not really have a clue what that means?
Like get a new job?
Great, I have no real qualifications, so it’s manual labour/admin/customer service.
Get an education?
Can’t afford university.
Move to a new city?
Now I’m depressed and see my family less.
Please try to be specific in your advice guys.
Broad statements aren’t exactly helpful
Do what you’ve done - ask other people their experiences!
Nobody is a failure at 25.
That’s your time for screwing around and messing up.
We all do it.
You can re-assess when you’re 40.
I felt the same at your age, but looking back, I was too hard on myself.
Therapist.
The best time to plant a tree is twenty years ago.
The second best time is now.
I don’t know but I’m 22 and in the same boat
I Drink till I pass out, but you should go to a therapist
Be a better 26y/o
May your day be filled with joy and happiness.
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