*CLAP* Top of the morning to you laddies! My name is Jacksepticeye
and welcome back to Google Feud,
where we're going to try
to figure out what the Internet is thinking,
which is a harder thing to do than you'd imagine
because the Internet doesn't know what it wants.
The Internet doesn't know how to think.
The Internet is a conglomerate of stupid questions.
So, let's start with "questions."
"Why is my girlfriend is so....." ahhhhh
So in love with me?
Heuhaha
Why is my girlfriend so hot?
Why is my girlfriend so angry?
None of them?!
"Why is my girlfriend so crazy."
Hahahahahaha
Why is my girlfriend so crazy, beautiful, annoying, weird, cute, amazing, stupid, clingy, lazy, and awesome.
Not a good round for you, Internet.
Let's go, "questions" again:
"Can you still buy..."
uhhh... Beanie Babies?
That's not how you spell Beanie Babies.
Can you still buy... ohhhh... ahm...
Can you still buy... day old cheese?
Haha, what the fuck could you still buy?
Can you still buy... what does the Internet want to buy? CD's?
no, why's caps-... caps lock isn't on... CD's.
Really?!
Can you still buy cheese?
I don't know!
Stroh's beer?
Savings bonds?
Windows 7?
Well, of course you can still buy Windows 7.
You can still buy Windows fucking Millennium if you want.
Actually, I don't know if you can- haha.
Can you still buy Tang?
Can you still buy girl scout cookies?
Dunkaroos?
What the fuck are "dunkaroos?"
Let's go to "questions" again:
"Does my boss..."
hate me?
Yeah, number 2!
Hahahahaha!
Does my boss...
get paid more than me?
Really?!
You don't wanna know if-
Well, I guess it's common sense that your boss gets paid more than you.
Ahm...
Does my boss...
Like to, heheh, like to party? Haha!
Does my boss like to party?
"Do ya like to get down? Get jiggy with it, boss?"
I don't have a boss!
Personally.
I am my own boss.
So, I don't know what to say. *thinking*
Does my boss... like it in the ass?
*Sarcastic* Oh, shocker! Hehe.
"Does my boss like me?"
Oh, the opposite!
"Does my boss have a crush on me?"
How could you possibly know
based on a Google search?
Yeah,
all of us random strangers know exactly what your boss wants.
Who makes the best-
Tacos.
*Slightly annoyed* Really?
Who makes the best...
Food?
Come- I need to get out of my own head.
I need to think what the Internet would think!
Who makes the best... *thinking*
Memes!!!
Nobody's asking who makes the best memes?!
Who makes the best... Nineteen eleven.
The fuck is a 1911?
Who makes the best Windows?
Who makes the best chocolate?
Who makes the best brake pads!
I don't fucking know.
Is this a worldwide thing?
Or is this a U.S. thing?
Or a European thing, or is it based on region?
Who knows?
Who knows, man.
Let's go with- ahhhh...
"Culture."
"Football is..."
Shit.
No, I can't put in swears,
'cause Google search engine doesn't allow swears.
Football is... *thinking*
Ahhh, lame.
No!
Stupid.
That's not there.
A- Awesome.
Amazing.
Football is life.
Dammit!
I was actually gonna say, "football is gay,"
just for, like,
what I thought the Internet would say.
because a lot of people use "gay" as like a-
like a negative term for something. Like-
"Oh, you didn't get paid today? That's gay,"
-kinda thing.
Like, not derogatory towards homosexual people.
It's not a great thing to say either.
I- I did say- talk like that in the past as well myself, so
I can't say that I'm above all that
or I'm a better person than that.
I am now!
But, I knew the Internet would just think that way,
especially a lot of dudes in shorts, running around,
You're like "football, that's gay,"
like a-
If you came up to one of your friends.
Argh, dammit!
I need to think like the Internet.
How would the Internet think?
You guys tell me.
"culture," here we go:
All the way to...
What're you guys sayin'? What're you guys sayin'?
All the way... NARNIA!
Got it!
Narnia.
You're wrong!
All the way to...
Argh, God...
Why is no references coming up in my head, either.
All the way to- the bank.
Yes!
That's a popular quote.
All the way to...
Bethlehem?
No.
What would the Internet think?
All the way to... Ah shit.
The chocolate factory.
Dammit!
All the way to Willy Wonka's?! Nah, that's a chocolate factory...
All the way to- Ireland!!
All the way to Heaven.
All the way to Memphis?
Buy stock in- waffles.
Dammit!
C'mon, thats a popular Futurama joke!
I thought that that would be a thing.
Buy stock in Apple®.
There we go...
Uh, Space X.
Ahh, SpaceX is pretty damn popular now.
I thought people would wanna buy stock in it.
Buy stock in... Ostriches!
O-strich-es.
No one wants to buy stock in ostriches?
Tesla!!
I fucking knew it!
SpaceX, Elon Musk, Tesla...
They're all connected!
Buy stock in Elon Musk-
Can I? Can I buy stock in him?
I like how Google is tenth.
"Buy stock in oil."
"Private prisons?"
Well, I guess they do need the funding.
Uhm....
Let's go with "people."
How to kill a- mockingbird.
You can hold your applause.
I know I'm amazing, hahaha.
It was the most obvious one to pick.
How to kill a...
Okay:
So I'm trying to think, in the last episode,
Girl stuff kept coming up a lot,
girls and guys.
So like, how to kill a... woman
Y- you look at me badly.
You're like "Jack, really?!"
I'm thinking like the Internet.
If i type in "woman" or "man," I'll put in man.
Woman.
Fuck.
Now i look terrible, hahahaha.
How to kill...
uhhhhh...oh
How to kill a- How to kill a- How to kill a mosquito!
Fuck.
"How to kill a tree."
Hahahaha!
How to kill a tree.
How to kill a tree stump.
How to kill a Mockingbird movie.
How to kill a raccoon.
Oh, see, I went humans,
What i should have done was went animals.
The way all of these people did.
Let's go, "people" again.
I think life is...
Shit.
Is bad, is fake.
Ahahahahahaha
That's actually one of them?
Ah, God.
I like how it's definitely the Internet,
'cause there's no capitalization in anything.
I think life is- a dream.
Ohh!
Yes!
Oh, doing good now,
Total score: 40- wait.
"This round: 12,000?"
Oh... yeah, okay. Ahm,
awesome.
Nice!
Doing good, not doing too badly now.
Life is a...
box of chocolate- choc-o-lates
No Forrest Gump fans on the Internet?
Apparently not.
Fuck me for even thinking about it.
Life is a farce!
Dammit.
I think life is- a lie...
Wut?!
I think life is always dangerous, hahaha!
What kinda life are you leading?
I think life is pointless.
I think life is Google Feud,-
See, this is the problem.
'Cause people end up playing Google Feud,
and then they start searching for what they think the answer is,
to try to "win the game."
Even though you're not winning it.
So then you'll end up looking up "I think life is - Google Feud,"
and it's like the Google Feud answers they're looking for.
And then they fuck up the search results.
STOP
DOING THAT!!!
If you don't get the answer,
just revel in your shame!
That's what I'm doing.
I think life is- about falling in love.
I think life is a gift Titanic.
Uh, how to make a cake.
How to make a... marriage work.
Hehahahahaha.
Ahaha, fuck!
It would've been awesome if that was there.
How to make a- kite.
How to make a resume,
How to make a smoothie,
How to make a live.ly.
How to make a tutu.
How to make a diaper cake?!
WHAT?
What are you, Internet?!
This game is- crap.
Shit.
Google- *giggle* -Feud
This game is so esey,
This game is rigged,
This game is a nipple!
Hahahahaha!
This game is supposed to be scary.
Okay, go back to questions. Fuck this game, man.
Can you eat- a badger?
Can you eat- a person?
*thinking about moral repercussions*
Can you eat a dog?
I thought people'd be asking questions 'bout that.
'Cause there's always...
references to dog meat and things.
Oooh, can you eat- people?
That's not there?
Maybe Google is actually fighting against me.
Can you eat- PAPER!
God! Can you eat acorns?
Well, of fucking course you can't!
What's wrong with you?!
Actually, can you?
I don't think you can.
Hahahahahaha!
Well, technically you can eat anything.
I can eat this memory stick thing if I wanted to.
Can you eat too much fruit, mango skin, too much fiber?
Can you eat skunk?!
Ewwwww, no wonder i'm not getting these.
I'm not as fucked up as the Internet.
Can you deep fry testicles?
Hehehehehe.
Why does my mind go to the weirdest shit?
Can you deep fry, uh...
No.
I was gonna say, like, chicken or something.
Those are all obvious, the Internet wouldn't be that stupid, would it?
Would it?!
Yeah, it would.
Can you deep fry people?
I'm trying to go for like, the- the weird questions.
Can you deep fry...
Squid?
Octopus.
Uh...
Cats.
Agh, what would the Internet say?
Do you like how I'm trying to...
put off all my weird, crazy answers on the Internet, like,
I'm thinking like the Internet when really I'm just thinking up of really weird, crazy scenarios.
It's 'cause it's where my mind goes!
In real Family Feud, I'd be terrible.
It's like, "what's round and bounces around?"
"BALLS!"
Well, actually that'd be right, but I meant, like, testicle balls.
Can you deep fry chicken?
Can you deep fry skin?
Can you deep fry an egg?
Bacon?
Frozen chicken?!
I guessed chicken!
Can you deep fry with canola oil?
Can you deep fry a ham?
Go fuck yourself, Internet.
I'm not playing your games with you.
I'm too... random,
uh... pretty,
cool.
"I'm too sexy."
"I'm too good to you."
Who are you talking to when your put this shit in?!
I'm too skinny.
I'm too fat.
I'm too hot.
I'm too old for this.
Ah, that was the obvious one!
Why didn't I get that?
Oh, I feel so stupid playing this game.
15 rounds and I've only got 3 guesses.
Ah... at least I'm having fun, though.
Google, are you- tired?
Are you listening?
*x files theme*
Google, are you there?
Ohhhh, it's the top answer!
Google-
are you real?
Shit.
Are you... alive?
Are you...
Feeling pretty-
that's not pretty-
feeling pretty good about yourself?
It's ok if you're not.
It's- argh, I can't put anything else in.
I was gonna say, "it's ok if you're not, I still like you."
Hahahahaha.
"Google, are you better than Siri?"
Google, are you a boy or a girl?
Google, are you racist?
Are you gay?!
Good- good job, Internet!
Asking important questions...
Okay, last one, "names."
Andrew...?
Garfield.
It's all- it's the only Andrew's I know.
it's a- bleh, and bleh, and bleh.
I don't wanna guess any others!
Lemme go!
I don't wanna do names anymore.
Andrew Jackson- Who's that?
"Is it bad to..."
Uhm...
Oh...
Is it bad to kill?
Steal!
Really?!
Well, I guess that it's obviously bad to steal.
Is it bad to- think about girls?
No, think about guys.
Think about girls.
"Is it bad to crack your neck?"
"Is it bad to smoke weed?"
"Is it bad to eat raw eggs?"
"Is it bad to-" smoke weed everyday!
Hahahaha, shit!
Why am I-
'Cause the last episode had a lot of, like, gender specific ones.
I was like "Oh, I think I'm understanding the pattern now."
There's a lot of weed-based ones.
Is it bad to smoke weed? Is it bad to smoke weed everyday?
Another one was, "is it-"
"Can you eat weed?" or something like that.
Argh, I dunno.
Anyway,
I'm gonna leave this episode here!
Google Feud is fun,
I have a blast playing this.
I'm so stupid for it, though, hehe.
17 rounds and I got 3 guesses.
Yay, I got 61,000 score, though.
But again
a lot of these answers are just fucked up and weird.
and there's no way i'm gonna get half of them.
But, it's fun.
Anyway,
Thank you guys so much for watching this episode.
If you liked it,
PUNCH that Like button IN THE FACE!
LIKE A BOSS!!!
And, high fives all 'round.
*Clap* *Clap*
And thank you guys, and I WILL SEE ALL YOU DUDES,
IN THE NEXT VIDEO!
*OUTRO SONG*
Is it okay to swim with... a condom over your face?
Shocker.