♪
>> Jesse: DO YOU REMEMBER JON
STEWART?
HE USED TO HOSTTH DAILY SHOW IT
WAS LIBERAL BUT WITTY.
>> DEMOCRACY, WHEN IT GROWS IS
NOT FLOWER, IT IS A HEALTHY,
STURDY TREE.
[LAUGHTER]
>> NO MAN A ISLAND EXCEPT.
WHERE IS THAT?
DO YOU KNOW WHAT?
[BLEEP] I’M GOING TO GO PAINT A
CAT.
>> Jesse: THEN JON STEWART
RETIRED TO GO LIVE ON A FARM
WHERE HE DOESN’T HAVE TO SHAVE
EVERY DAY.
I’M JEALOUS OF THE NOT SHAVING.
FARMS MAKE ME NERVOUS.
I GET THE SENSE MATH IS INVOLVED
AND I HAVE TO DO MATH TO EAT, I
WON’T.
SO STUART LEFT HIS SHOW TO
STEPHEN COLBERT AND EVERYBODY
REALIZED HOW TALENTED HE REALLY
WAS.
BUT HE WASN’T JUST A HOST.
JOHN DID STAND UP.
HE WAS A WRITER.
HE EVEN ACTED.
>> DID YOU EVER SEE THE BACK OF
A $20 BILL, MAN?
I DON’T KNOW YOU.
>> EVER SEEN THE BACK OF A $20
BILL ON WEED?
>> Jesse: THAT ROLE WASN’T A
STRETCH FOR STUART BECAUSE WE
HEAR HE GROWS ALL KINDS OF
THINGS ON HIS FARM.
HERE HE IS SHOWING A LITTLE MORE
RANGE IN ANOTHER FILM.
>> TOMORROW I’M LEAVING FOR
CHINA TO REPRESENT THE FINE FIRM
OF MORTON AND MANDEL, YES ME THE
ONE GUY THOUGH ONCE SHAVED HIS
ASS TO WIN A $5 BET.
>> STUART HAS SKILLS AND HE HAS
TO BE SMART BECAUSE HE IS RICH.
ISN’T THAT HOW IT WORKS?
SO THIS RICH AND TALENTED SMART
ALLIKE SUDDENLY REAPPEARED ON TV
THURSDAY BUT HE WASN’T TELLING
JOKES.
>> I’M USED TO LIES AND
HYPOCRISY.
I’M USED TO THEIR COWARDICE.
I’M NOT USED TO THE CRUELTY.
SO PAT TOOMEY, THE REPUBLICAN
FROM PENNSYLVANIA, HIS AMENDMENT
ADDRESSES HOW THIS $400 BILLION
IN THE BILL CAN BE SPENT.
HE SAYS AS IT’S WRITTEN THE
MONEY CAN BE USED UNRELATED TO
VETERAN.
>> THAT’S NONSENSE.
>> AND BURN PIT EXPOSURE.
>> IT’S UTTER NONSENSE.
NOTHING MATTERS TO THEM. NOTHING PENETRATES THAT BUBBLE
NOTHING PENETRATES THAT BUBBLE
THAT THEY LIVE IN OF PROCEDURAL
[BLEEP] THERE ARE REAL PEOPLE
WHO FACE TRAGIC CONSEQUENCES FOR
THEIR PARLIAMENTARY [BLEEP]
>> Jesse: WHOA THERE, LITTLE
FELLA.
I LIKE THAT KIND OF PASSION BUT
WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT HERE?
MY PRODUCERS TOLD ME JON IS ON A
PRESS TOUR SAYING REPUBLICANS
ARE BLOCKING A BILL THAT WOULD
HELP VETERANS WHO GOT SICK FROM
TOXIC BURN PITS IN AFGHANISTAN
AND IRAQ.
BUT, BEFORE WE CAN FIGURE OUT
WHAT WAS GOING ON, STUART WAS ON
EVERY CHANNEL, CNN, MSNBC, THE
HOME SHOPPING NETWORK.
ALL THE HOSTS TOTALLY UNPREPARED
BUT ALONG FOR THE RIDE.
IF JON STUART WANTS TO COME ON
THEIR SHOW LAST MINUTE DROP F
BOMBS AND BASH REPUBLICANS FOR
NOT SUPPORTING THE TROOPS.
BOOK IT LAST NIGHT STUART ASKED
US IF HE COULD COME ON
"PRIMETIME" BUT WE HAD A BEING
PAD SHOW.
WE HAD TO COVER HOW THE
PRESIDENT’S COMPROMISED BY
CHINA.
THE COUNTRY JUST ENTERING A
RECESSION, AND WE NEEDED TO HEAR
FROM REAL AMERICANS.
>> FIRST LADY JILL BIDEN
COMPARED YOU HAVE TO THIS, A
TACO.
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THAT.
>> I’M HUMAN.
>> Jesse: WE JUST DIDN’T FEEL
LIKE WE REALLY KNEW WHAT STUART
WAS TALKING ABOUT.
AND BETWEEN "THE FIVE" AND
"PRIMETIME" IT WAS TOO LATE IN
THE DAY.
WE LIKE TO BE PREPARED. IT MIGHT NOT ALWAYS APPEAR THAT
IT MIGHT NOT ALWAYS APPEAR THAT
WAY, BUT WE TRY I WAS DEVOURING
MY I HAVE ISN’T A I NOTICED JON
ON FOX.
>> DO YOU STILL BELIEVE THIS
BILL WILL GET CONDO THE A SOME
POINT.
>> I PRAY IT HAS TO.
THESE MEN AND WOMEN HAVE
SUFFERED FOR SO MANY YEARS
EXPOSED TO THESE AND THE
GOVERNMENT HAS NOT FULFILLED
THEIR PROMISE TO THEM AND IT HAS
TO GET DONE.
TELL SOMEONE WITH CANCER THAT’S
BEEN FIGHTING THIS FOR YEARS
THAT EVENTUALLY THEY WILL GET
THE HELP THAT THEY HAVE EARNED.
THAT IS NOT AN ACCEPTABLE
ANSWER.
IT IS DESPICABLE TO CONTINUE TO
USE AMERICANS MEN AND WOMEN WHO
ARE FIGHTING FOR THIS COUNTRY AS
POLITICAL PAWNS.
>> Jesse: JON STEWART LIVING OUT
OF HIS CAR THAT’S THE DEFINITION
OF A RECESSION.
WE AGREE WITH STUART.
THIS BILL IS BEING HELD UP IN
THE SENATE.
AND THAT’S WRONG.
OUR VETERANS SHOULD GET THE HELP
THEY DESERVE IMMEDIATELY.
JON’S HEART IS IN THE RIGHT PLUS
BUT HIS BLAME IS MISGUIDED.
HIS FRIENDS IN THE DEMOCRATIC
PARTY ARE THE ONES TO BLAME
SCHUMER IS THE ONE PLAYING
GAMES.
YOU GUYS ARE USING EACH OTHER TO
MAKE REPUBLICANS LOOK COLD.
SENATOR TOOMEY POINTS OUT THE
REASON REPUBLICANS SHOT THIS
VERSION OF THE BILL DOWN IS
PAUSE SCHUMER ATTACKED GIMMICK
HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS OF
MANDATORY SPENDING THAT DOESN’T
EVEN HELP VETERANS.
LISTEN.
>> COMPLETELY UNRELATED TO THE
$280 BILLION OF NEW SPENDING
THERE IS A MECHANISM CREATED IN
THIS BILL, IT’S A BUDGET TEAR
GIMMICK THAT HAS THE INTENT OF
MAKING IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A
HUGE EXPLOSION IN UNRELATED
SPENDING.
$400 BILLION.
THIS BUDGETARY GIMMICK IS SO
UNRELATED TO THE ACTUAL VETERANS
ISSUE THAT HAS TO DO WITH BURN
PITS THAT IT’S NOT EVEN IN THE
HOUSE VERSION OF THIS BILL.
>> Jesse: SO REPUBLICAN SENATOR
PAT TOOMEY TO OFFER AN AMENDMENT
TO FIX SCHUMER’S TRICKY
ACCOUNTING GIMMICK.
ONE SIMPLE CHANGE WOULD MAKE
SURE EVERY TAXPAYER DOLLAR GOES
TO HELPING VETERANS AND NOT BAKE
IN $400 BILLION OF MORE
INFLATIONARY SPENDING.
AND SCHUMER SHOT IT DOWN.
SENATE SOURCES ARE TELLING
"PRIMETIME" THAT SCHUMER HAS NOW
AGREED TO TOOMEY’S AMENDMENT AND
THE BILL JON STUART AND ALL OF
US CARE ABOUT IS EXPECTED TO
PASS EARLY NEXT WEEK.
AND THIS GINNED UP DRAMA WILL BE
OVER.
I’M NOT GOING TO BLAME JON FOR
NOT KNOWING ALL THE FACTS.
GOING FORWARD, LET’S DO THIS.
I WILL DO THE RESEARCH, AND JON
STUART CAN HANDLE THE FARMING.
IT’S BETTER FOR EVERYBODY THAT
WAY.
AND WE DO SINCERELY APPRECIATE