>> OH MY GOD!
I SHOULD HAVE PEEED FIRST, I'M SO EXCITED.
MI SO EXCITED, MOSTLY TO GET TO PERFORM HERE IN L.A., MY HOME.
I LOVE THIS CITY.
IT'S SO EXCITING.
MY ONE BEEF WITH L.A. IS THAT IT IS A DRIVING CITY AND WHEN I
MOVED HERE I HAD TO START DRIVING FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME.
AND BOY, AM I BAD AT IT.
IF IS ROUGHER, AN WHEN ARE YOU A BAD DRIVER WITH THIS FACIAL,
IT'S A REAL NIGHTMARE, LET ME TELL YOU T IS NO FUN.
I FEEL LIKE HAVE I SEEN EVERY VERSION OF COURSE, FACE, IN L.A.
AND I WOULD DON'T APPRECIATE THAT FACE.
I DON'T APPRECIATE THAT FACE ONE BIT, EVERY TIME I SEE IT I JUST
WANT TO ROLL DOWN MY WINDOW, EXCUSE ME, SIR, NO, NO, NO I'M
NOT A BAD DRIVER BECAUSE I'M ASIAN, I'M A BAD DRIVER BECAUSE
I DON'T WEAR MY GLASSES AND A TEXT, OKAY T SAY PERSONAL
CHOICE, OKAY, I DON'T WANT TO BE GOOD AT THIS, I WILL DIE IN MY
NISSAN SENT RA.
DRIVING IS SO HARD THERE ARE SO MANY PLACES YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO
LOOK. AND I CAN'T BE BOTHERED.
I'VE JUST GOT COOLER STUFF GOING ON UP HERE, YOU KNOW, I WON'T.
I LOVE L.A.
MENT THE PEOPLE HERE ARE WILD THOUGH.
YOU GUYS CARE ABOUT A LOT OF THIRNGS THAT I DON'T CARE ABOUT.
RECENTLY I GOT IN TROUBLE IN MY OWN HOME FOR TRYING TO KILL A
SPIDER.
MY FRIEND WAS LIKE NO, JOEL, IF YOU SPARE THE CREATURE, IT WILL
KILL THE OTHER BUGS IN YOUR APARTMENT AND I WAS LIKE WELL
THAT SEEMS WORSE, I DON'T WANT TO WORK FROM WITHIN THE BUG
COMMUNITY TO GET RID OF THE BUGS, YOU KNOW T IS SO NEV AR
WHY WHY-- NEFARIOUS, WHAT AM I, A MEMBER OF THE REAGAN
ADMINISTRATION, IT'S TERRIBLE, OKAY.
I'M SO GLAD SOME OF YOU UNDERSTOOD THAT JOKE BECAUSE I
DIDN'T.
I AM VERY STUPID, YOU SEE, BUT I OWN IT IT I FIND A LOT OF PEOPLE
THESE DAYS DON'T OWN THEIR STUPIDITY.
LIKE I'M CONSTANTLY HAVING TO END CONVERSATIONS WITH MY
FRIENDS BY BEING LIKE OH, I'M SORRY, I DON'T THINK EITHER OF
US READ ENOUGH BOOKS TO BE TALKING ABOUT THIS.
WHY ARE WE ARGUING ABOUT THE ESTATE TAX, YOU'RE A DOG WALKER
AND I'M A MUSICAL THEATER MAJOR.
(APPLAUSE) YOU KNOW?
IT'S TOUGH, I WAS RAISED IN A VERY STUPID COMMUNITY SO I DON'T
REALLY LIKE TO GO HOME VERY OFTEN ANY MORE.
THE ONLY REASON I DO GO HOME IS BECAUSE MY OLDER SISTER STILL
LIVE THERE AND SHE STARTED HAVING BABIES AND I LOVE BEING
AN UNCLE AND I LEV SPENDING TIME WITH THEM AND SOAKING UP ALL THE
INSTAGRAM ENGAGEMENT THAT I CAN WHILE THEY'RE YOUNG.
I ALSO THINK IT ST REALLY IMPORTANT TO SPEND TIME WITH
THEM BECAUSE I DON'T THINK THAT KIDS ARE IN THE CARDS FOR ME
PERSONALLY.
DON'T GET ME WRONG, I THINK IT IS SO GREAT THERE ARE SO MANY
GAY DADS IN THE COUNTRY.
GIVE IT UP FOR GAY DADS.
BUT I ALSO THINK IT'S WRONG.
I DO.
AND THAT WAS A TRAP, AND YOU FELL FOR IT.
SO HERE'S THE THING.
I BELIEVE THAT GAY MEN WE WERE PUT HERE AS POPULATION CONTROL
678 AND I THINK EVERY TIME GOD ABOVE SEES TWO GORGEOUS MEN
RAISING A CHILD SHE IS LIKE NO, NO, NO, NO.
YOU HAVE MISUNDERSTOOD THE ASSIGNMENT IT MUST BE
FRUSTRATING FOR HIM BECAUSE WE'RE SO MUCH BETTER AT IT, YOU
KNOW, JUST PUT YOURSELF IN HIS SHOES FOR A SECOND.
YOU HAVE THIS NATIONAL PARK AND
ST OVERRUN WITH DEER SO YOU RELEASE WOLVES INTO THE
NEIGHBORHOOD TO GET RID OF SOME OF THE DEER AND THEN THE WOLVES
START RAISING HIGH FUNCTIONING DEER, OH MY GOD, THAT NAMED THAT
DEER ATIKUS AND OPENED UP A MONTESSORI SCHOOL TRK IS OUT OF
CONTROL.
I CLEARLY, I DON'T ACTUALLY BLOAF, THAT I'M JOKING, ALTHOUGH
MY DAD DID HAVE TWO SONS AND THEY BOTH TURNED OUT GAY AND I
DON'T THINK THERE IS A CLEARER SIDE FROM GOD THAT HE IS DONE
WITH THIS BLOOD LINE, YOU KNOW.
HAD ENOUGH BOOSTERS FOR ONE GENERATION, THANK YOU.
THE REAL REASON I THINK I WON'T BE HAVING KIDS ANY TIME SOON IS
THAT I AM VERY, VERY SINGLE, STOP FREAKING OUT, IT'S ALL
RIGHT THOUGH.
I'M OUT THERE, I'M ON ALL THE APPS IN L.A
RIGHT NOW MY PARM IS JUST A REVOLVING DOOR OF STRANGERS AND
THAT'S FINE FOR ME.
SOME OF MY FRIEND RAISE LITTLE CONCERNED, JOEL, YOU DON'T KNOW
THESE PEOPLE AREN'T YOU WORRIED THAT ONE OF THEM COULD MURDER
YOU. I WAS LIKE YEAH, THAT SAY PRETTY BIG DRAW, BECAUSE MY
THING IS IF I HAD BEEN MURDERED I WAS STILL PICKED.
AND THAT ULTIMATELY IS THE POINT OF DATING.
EITHER WAY I GET TO STOP, YOU KNOW, WHAT A RELIEF.
I RECENTLY WENT ON A PRETTY PROMISING FIRST DATE THOUGH, HE
TOOK ME TO A MEXICAN RESTAURANT HERE IN L.A. THAT HAD SOMETHING
I HAD NEVER EXPERIENCED BEFORE T HAD TABLE SIDE GUACAMOLE AND FOR
THOSE THAT DON'T POA KNOW WHAT TA THAT IT IS, IT IS A LITTLE
CART WHERE THEY MAKE THE GUACAMOLE RIGHT THERE IN FRONT
OF YOU.
AND I DON'T GET IT I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHERE WE ARE PULLING
BACK THE CURTAIN ON GUACAMOLE, IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE TO ME.
LIKE WHY HERE, WHY NOW THERE IS NO THEATER TO GUACAMOLE, IT IS
NOT AN INTERESTING PROSECT-- PROCESS.
I'M SITTING THERE ACROSS FROM MY DADE TRYING TO WALK HIM THROUGH
MY STUDENT LOAN DEBT MEANWHILE DANIELLE CAN'T GET THE PIT OUT
OF THE AVO.
TAND IS JUST LIKE, THERE IS NO MYSTERY THERE, EITHER, DANIELLE.
WE ALL KNOW HOW GUACAMOLE IS MADE.
OF ALL THE THINGS TO BRING BACK OUT OF THE KITCHEN AND REVEAL TO
US BEFORE OUR EYES WHY THE GUACAMOLE.
HERE SAN IDEA, DANIELLE, BRING OUT THE LAVA CAKE AND SHOW ME
HOW YOU GET THE LAVA IN THERE.
SOLVE A REAL MYSTERY!
SO LONG STORY SHORT, I DID NOT GET A SECOND DATE.
YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN SO FANTASTIC.
I'M JOEL KIM BOOSTER, HAVE A GREAT TIGHT.