- [Voiceover] Hey, Psych2Goers,
welcome back to another video.
Ever feel like people aren't listening
or paying attention to you?
Or have you ever wondered, are people ignoring me?
Why?
Being ignored is painful and can be confusing,
especially when it's coming from people you know and love.
Regardless of who it is
that's giving you the silent treatment,
you may want to understand why
and what you can do to remedy it.
So with that said, here are eight subtle habits
that make people ignore you.
Number one, you're trying too hard.
We want to make connections with people
who we find interesting.
We know that that requires initiating
and maintaining contact
and allowing a connection to grow over time.
When you're forcing interactions with people,
it turns them away from you.
They can tell you're being disingenuous
by changing your personality depending on who you're around.
While relationships with friends
are not like those with your colleagues,
when you're trying too hard to be someone you're not,
people can sense your desperation
and might pull away.
Number two, you're selfish.
Even though the word narcissism has a bad reputation,
having healthy narcissism is good.
It's self-confidence and a good view of yourself,
which is normal and necessary.
However, when you only ever talk about yourself
and steal the spotlight from others socially,
that can make people resent you
because you don't contribute to the group
where others share.
If you think that only you deserve the compliments
and the limelight,
and that everyone else must hear about your trip to Paris,
they'll see that as arrogance and disengage.
And if you're the friend
who always conveniently forgets their wallet
and your friends have to pay for you,
oh boy, that might be your last free dinner.
Three, you're disengaged.
When you're around friends or colleagues,
engaging in conversations can bring about increased morale
or just a time to vent.
When you're too socially passive or lack assertiveness,
people could see this as aloofness
or that you're not interested in the conversation
and start ignoring you.
We all enjoy engaging with people who interact in return,
so the passivity could make them ignore you.
Number four, you're extremely negative.
Negative people are tiring to be around.
It's like running a marathon that never ends.
Your energy is depleted and you just want to get away.
Being angry and depressed occasionally is fine
because emotions are normal,
but people will run and hide from negativity.
If you're a person who is hypocritical of others,
never happy, and prefers to be miserable,
then people will ignore you
because the chronic negativity is contagious.
Five, your body language is repelling them.
You don't have to be an expert in body language
to pick up on when someone doesn't like you
or is disinterested in your opinion,
because we are all social creatures.
We generally understand social cues
and what they mean in certain contexts.
If you think that people are ignoring you,
a surprising reason could be
that your body language is uninviting or defensive.
You don't have to have your arms out all the time
to convey openness,
but generally constricting poses like folding your arms,
frowning and looking away is usually a sign
that you're not interested,
and people might pick up on that and choose to stay away.
Number six, you don't take responsibility.
Another habit that makes people ignore you
is being irresponsible and then not owning up to it.
Being an actual victim is a horrible thing to happen,
but when you're the perpetual victim,
people aren't going to want to be around you.
If you're someone who's never guilty
or at fault even when you are,
that behavior is a good reason
for people to have no contact with you.
You can be a victim sometimes,
but you can't be a victim all the time.
Not taking responsibility for your actions
and the consequences makes you undesirable, number one.
Number seven, you're too intense.
Passion is a beautiful thing.
It's the driving force of creation
and an admirable, attractive trait in a person,
especially when their passion
is about something in their life.
The opposite side of that is when a person's passion
leads them to being domineering and controlling.
A social tyrant who wants to micromanage everything
that everyone does.
They don't care about the best place for their friends
to go to dinner collectively.
They will choose one, and that's the end of the story.
This behavior is seen as bossy,
and no one likes being bullied into things.
And finally, number eight, you're too needy.
Asking for advice and assurance from friends is normal,
especially when you're going through something difficult.
It feels good to know that you have someone to lean on.
But if you're the type of friend or colleague
that needs to be constantly validated on their work
or it needs constant unnecessary approval to do something,
that can be a downer and draining for the people around you.
If you're not standing on your own sometimes,
and constantly going to others for help,
people will see that as being clingy and needy
and will start ignoring you.
It might help to take other factors into account,
like how being unable to read and give social cues
could be a reason,
or how having social anxiety can be relevant.
Have any of these points resonated with you?
If so, they may be clues on what habits
might be off-putting.
If you like this video,
make sure to share it with friends
and let us know if you did in the comment below.
As always, the studies and references
are listed in the description box.
Until next time, and thanks for watching.