- What is goin' on here?
Is this a-, is this an Asian spare rib?
(chill music)
- My name is Marquis Sean Miles.
- Hey, what's up, I'm Reuel Belt.
- Hello, my name is Louis Macarthur.
- My name is Top Rope Zeus
and I am here to destroy all barbecue dads.
- All right, so without giving away all my secrets,
what goes into making a special barbecue
is the love you put in it.
You know, I think the biggest thing that goes into it
is just being honest about who you making it for
and what you want their reaction to be.
- I'm in love with the grill.
I kiss it before I start.
You gotta make sure you're connected with it, you're one.
- I also have the sandals, the brown grill sandals,
the Jesus 3000s that all dads wear
with the heel out,
and I make sure to always have a little bit of ash
on the back of my heel.
It's very important for the seasoning.
- (appreciative noises)
I just knew my beans were gonna be so banging
I forgot the ribs.
(chill music)
- These beans already don't look no good.
Little bit of those beans bruh.
(disapproving noises)
Naw.
- This looks like
somebody already took a bite outta this one,
and it look like he just,
he ain't try to give us the whole rib.
I'm a grown man and this like a little kid rib.
- Maybe I am little biased on my beans right now
I ain't even about to play with them things.
That rib is good.
It's like jerky, beef jerky.
- Because this is pink, this tells me
that this is not done, and it's tough.
Yeah we don't even have to go there for that one.
That's not edible.
- I'mma try it out but I don't know, I mean...
That's all right.
I think he went to try to put his foot in it
and maybe just put an elbow in.
- I don't even know if they cooked these beans.
You know how you just cook beans in a can
and just put them in there,
that's what they did.
You got another plate?
We'll put this to the side.
(laughs)
- [Producer] You not gonna try it?
- Naw.
- Yeah let me check these beans out now.
I don't know what he did with them beans.
They taste like nothing.
These taste like absolute, I don't even,
I'm not even going back.
Y'all can just...
Stick to the rib, bruh.
- On a scale of one to ten I'm gonna give this one a six.
It needs some seasoning or something.
- You forgot to say zero.
Zero, not even a one.
You lose.
That one right there, I'm sorry,
you can't even eat that, look at that meat.
Cook the meat, you had all last night.
- If they went back to the drawing board, let it marinate,
let the sauce get up in there, seven.
But he put the bean with it, ugh.
(coughs)
Mm-mm.
(upbeat music)
- Okay, the Denny's box.
- Oh, he got a whole dinosaur leg in this.
And he gave yams and greens.
Listen this definitely looks like one of them
real nice cafeteria places that you take your aunt
after a good church service.
- Let me show y'all this, this is-
Oh, oh, okay, okay, okay, I see you pops.
- I see everything that I wanna eat but some baked beans.
- So even though he gave me a whole Thanksgiving plate
I'm just gonna judge it just based off of what we going off.
We gonna see what's up with this big Jurassic Park rib.
- You can't let dads just be breaking all the rules,
even though he done brought this
big Flintstone rib up in here.
- Look man, say the rib gotta come off the bone,
fall of the bone rib.
- That's a real rib.
- I don't know if it's better than mine
but it's pretty good.
- Damn, he can come to the barbecue whoever he is.
Just bring these ribs and you can come to the barbecue.
- If I had to rate this rib at anything
I'd give it a strong seven.
I don't think you would get canceled at the cookout.
- I'll give this plate a nine
cause he got me thoroughly impressed.
This rib just keeps falling of its bone.
- You get a five out of ten bro,
because the rib is A+.
You ain't got no baked beans, the rib is fire,
so you gone get a five.
(upbeat music)
- Is that a hot dog?
What the...?
(laughing)
- Yeah I smell that,
that's sweet and sour, ain't no barbecue.
- What in the Panda Express is going on here?
Is duck sauce on the side of this?
This came with fried rice and a fortune cookie.
- What kinda sauce is this,
is this some sort of ketchup?
It's not cooked brother.
- This why people are vegan right here.
(laughs)
- I feel like the other dads, we not following directions.
It's barbecue ribs, just we...
You know what, I'm judging it too much.
- I don't know what this is, it should came with a label.
I'll try the sauce.
- We don't got to try it, right?
I think I'm just gone pass on this one.
Don't think nothing bout this look right.
I said I was gone try everything but I lied.
- That's kinda biting back a little bit
as it goes down my throat.
- And the beans...
Oh, naw.
- It tastes like potato salad.
- There is no spice to it, there is no seasoning,
it's onions, but they big onions.
He could've diced it a little bit,
cause if you at the cookout and you talking to a
you know, a little thing right there,
you say, "Hey, what's happening?"
She's gonna be outta there because of the onions.
- I'mma give it a one cause he came, but mm-mm.
I'mma pass on this one.
- I give this a two, I'mma tell you why man.
This is not a real barbecue spare rib.
This came with chopsticks and friend rice.
And if you on the East Coast,
it's a big tea that comes up in a plastic container.
- Scale of one to ten I would have to just give it a one.
(dramatic music)
- Ribs and beans, that-
I thought we were all on the same accord here.
- And I just knew my beans gone be so banging,
I forgot the ribs.
- He just gone bring beans up here, ain't like-
(laughs)
This negro right here man.
- Where the-, did he hide the r-, is the rib hidden?
- Lemme tell you something black dads,
show up to the cookout with a hundred black hungry people
with just beans,
brother you won't see another cookout, I tell you that.
- Let me just shut up and try this dude beans, he got some-
Lemme see what's going on with his beans.
Beans are not seasoned, people forget
you gotta season your beans.
- Mm-hm, this guy I think he tried to steal my recipe
but he left out the hot sauce.
- He probably tried to sprinkle some oregano on here,
either oregano or he dropped a dime bag in this thing.
- Considering that he didn't bring
meat to barbecue,
we're here for, I don't know if he grilled the beans,
let's give him a one.
Cause at least the beans were cooked
and he had something in them.
- I would have rather you shown up
with the ribs and not the beans.
Don't show up with your side chick,
show up with your main chick.
So yeah his overall score man
I gotta give him like a three and a half.
- If you force me to score this
based on the fact that he had no ribs I'm giving you a zero.
- My brother, I love you but...
We gotta do better if we gone raise these babies, baby.
We gotta do better.
(horn blows)
- The marathon continues, happy Father's Day.
I already know I'm the best out there,
that's what I claim every day.
Put love and put soul in your food and you'll win too.
(upbeat music)