-Our first guest tonight is
a best-selling author
and comedian whose new comedy
special, "Revolution,"
will premiere on Netflix December 27th.
Please welcome back to the show one of our favorites,
Chelsea Handler, everybody!
[ Cheering and applause ]
[ Funk plays ]
♪♪
Welcome back!
It's so lovely to have you here.
-Oh, my God, I'm always happy to be with you, Seth.
-And it's kind of -- it was maybe a little angsty
the beginning of last week and here we are, you know,
six days after the midterms. How are you feeling?
-Oh, God. Well, you know, I'm a staunch Republican.
-Yeah. [ Laughter ]
And you keep your spirit up.
-I know. I'm so woke that I've become a Republican.
[ Laughter ]
I was pretty excited.
You know, it's a pretty exciting time.
It's been a long time since I've watched an election
where I was like surprised and hopeful.
And then there are just so many doorknobs
that are also involved in this election, like Herschel Walker
-Yeah. -and Lauren Boebert.
And I'm just like Republicans have completely lost the plot.
So, to see them actively losing their ground
and thinking about just Trump pacing back and forth
at Mar-A-Lago just gave me
so much joy. -I did have empathy for --
[ Laughter ] for Tiffany Trump
on her wedding day, that that was when --
I think Nevada was called
while he was probably at the wedding.
-Yeah, but she was -- I mean, for her to get married
at her father's place was a mistake, to begin with...
-Yeah. -...because, I mean, it's not like --
I'm sure he charged her, you know? -Yeah.
[ Laughter ] Yeah. -So why?
I mean, she's not thinking things through.
She's marrying some guy
who comes from a very rich family.
She needs to cut ties now and just be done with him.
If anything, she should've scheduled
a wedding at Mar-A-Lago,
but had the real wedding elsewhere, right?
[ Laughter ] Get him going to the place. -Yeah.
Because he would've stayed there and it would've taken hours
before he realized the wedding wasn't happening.
[ Laughter ]
-But also, can you imagine trying to celebrate with him
about anything, even if he was in a good mood?
I mean, this is an opportunity for her to find
her real birth father, you know?
[ Laughter and applause ]
Now that she's married, she can sever ties
and go live a full life where she's treated like,
you know, not a marginalized member of a family.
-That's a very -- This is -- See? This is good advice.
And I want to draw attention to the fact that it makes
natural sense to me that you're good at advice.
You started a podcast
where you're now giving advice to people.
-I do. I like to give advice,
whether it's solicited or unsolicited.
[ Laughter ] -I think that's what everyone appreciates about you --
-You know? -you don't have to ask.
You just give it. -No, yeah.
I mean, and I love to like
give girls a little bit more power
when you're feeling insecure.
As women, we go through so many different phases of our lives
where we feel self-confident
and then we second-guess ourselves.
And I'm just like I want women to be empowered, you know?
Also, when you see something, to say something, you know?
And I use a story that I like to tell
as a guideline for all people, you know, to say something,
even if it's a very awkward situation. -Okay.
-I once accidentally had dinner with Woody Allen and Soon-Yi.
-Okay. [ Laughter ]
How does that come about by accident?
-Well, I blame Katie Couric because she's the one
who invited me out that night and then, before I knew it,
I was sitting across from Soon-Yi and Woody Allen.
And, as a woman, knowing what I know,
that was hard for me.
I wasn't -- I was like, "I don't trust myself,"
because I can't really be respectful, you know?
[ Laughter ] And I didn't know what was going to come out of my mouth,
if I was going to be able to control myself,
but I was like, "Just wait, you know, like wait your time
and just bide your time and just, you know,
be pleasant and be respectful during this dinner encounter."
And I waited and I was patient and I exercised patience.
And then dessert came and they put down a blackberry cobbler
in front of Soon-Yi and Woody
and Woody went to take a bite out of the blackberry cobbler
and I leaned in and said,
"How did you two meet?"
[ Laughter and applause ]
-That's real patience. That's an assassin's patience.
[ Laughter ] -I mean, I slept like a baby that night.
You know what I mean?
I was just like, "You know what?"
And then Katie's like, "Okay, Chelsea, time to go."
[ Laughter ]
And, yeah, but I feel like women need
to always be able to because, if I had left that dinner
and I hadn't said anything,
I would've been so pissed at myself for years to come.
So, I think, you know, I'm a good big sister
and I want everyone to succeed and I just want everybody
to be a little smarter and a little braver.
[ Cheering and applause ] -Well, those are -- that's wonderful advice.
You you went out -- We were talking backstage.
You toured this hour. You have a new hour
that's coming out soon, called "Revolution."
-"Revolution," Netflix, two days after Christmas.
[ Cheering and applause ] -Almost -- was it 100 cities or thereabouts?
-Yeah, I did about 100.
I did about 120 days.
I'm still -- I'm finishing up my last bit of this tour.
I'm actually headed to Florida, so I can't wait to see
how that works out. This weekend, everybody.
All the Democrats in Florida, I'm coming!
[ Laughter ] -Yeah, there's a lot of them. -Come see me.
Yeah. There's about four left.
[ Laughter ] So, yeah, I've been touring
and, I mean, first of all, I love touring.
You love stand-up. We both doing it. -I do, yeah.
-Yeah. -And you shot it in Nashville, right?
-Uh-huh, yeah. -That's a great comedy town.
-It's a great theater, the Ryman in Nashville.
So, I loved -- You know, I had so much material from COVID
and from just all the stuff that happens during COVID,
you know, and all of like just how we all behaved,
how embarrassing it was, starting with yourself,
-Yes. -you know? I was Windex ing my food
up until recently, so. [ Laughter ]
You know, and now, you're just like, "What, COVID?
What's that?" I was excited for monkeypox
to take off, but that didn't seem --
[ Laughter ] -I'm sorry. I know you were real--
You were one of the early investors.
[ Laughter ] -Yeah, I know.
It's just like Bitcoin.
It's just one big bubble.
-Yeah. Monkeycoin
did not work out for me. [ Laughter ]
You actually talk a little bit about being a businesswoman
at a very young age in your special
and the fact that you started a babysitting service.
-Oh, yeah. Well, when I was ten years old --
I'm the youngest of six kids, you guys,
so, when I was born, my family was just like,
"You know, let her raise herself, I guess."
[ Laughter ] They were sleeping most of the time
and they just had been exhausted by my other siblings.
So, when I was ten, I took my first plane ride to California
to visit our grandparents
and it was my mom and like two of my brothers
and I had never been on a plane.
So, we walked past the first-class section
and I was like, "Oh, like who are these people," you know? [ Laughter ]
And my mom's like, "Never mind that, you know.
We have six kids in our family.
We can't afford that and we'll never fly first-class."
And I'm just like, "Speak for yourself," you know?
[ Laughter and applause ]
And we went to go visit my grandparents.
We came home and I was like, "I have to start a business,"
so I started a babysitting company.
I was ten years old, but I looked like I was 15,
so, I lied and said I was 15 and ended up babysitting
for kids that were older than me.
[ Laughter ]
As a ten-year-old, I had a regular client who was 14
and I was basically putting this kid in time-outs
all summer long, but I saved up like $3,500
and then the next time we went on a plane ride,
it was three years later, I was 13 years old,
and I had gotten a first-class ticket from a travel agent
that lived down the street and so,
when we boarded the plane with my mother
and my two sisters, this time, I saw my seat 2A and I said,
"See you guys at the end of the flight."
[ Laughter and applause ]
-I have a great deal more to ask you.
We'll be right back
[ Cheering and applause ] with more from Chelsea Handler.