(laughs)
- Hey, look what I got.
Oh, it's a whiteboard.
- Yeah, it's a whiteboard.
I think it's 'cause of the color.
(laughs)
Do you wanna see what it does?
- You can write on it and then erase stuff.
Oh, uh yeah.
(laughs)
Are you texting Connor?
- Oh no.
Connor and I haven't spoken in ages.
This is Marco.
- Marco?
- Yeah.
I don't know.
He's (sighs) I got a good feeling about this one.
I kind of feel like he might be the one.
- Wait, hold the phone.
Stop the clock, shoot the puck, what?
How did I miss this?
Oh my God.
Don't say anything.
I need a drink.
We have to celebrate.
And continue.
- Okay, so, well we've only been talking for like two weeks.
Oh, he moves fast this Marco.
- He is just the sweetest.
He sends me good morning texts.
I've never had good morning texts.
- I feel like the bar has gotten very low.
- And he constantly tells me that I'm beautiful.
- Wow!
- And he's such a good texter.
And he always says, "I'm lucky to be with you."
- Well, that's not true.
- And he wants to go on a couple's trip.
- Holy shit.
- I know.
It's like it's almost too good to be true.
- I would just take the almost out of that sentence.
- You think it's too good to be true?
- Do bears wear funny hats?
Yeah, 100%.
Yeah, where does this guy work?
West Elm?
- I don't get that.
- Oh, you had to be there.
- Look, the last text he sent was
I wanna wake up beside you.
- See that should have been a red flag right there
because you look like roadkill when you wake up,
and your breath makes me wanna vomit.
And if he knew you at all, he would not have written that.
- Why can't you let me have nice things?
I finally found someone who loves me for me.
- Have you met him yet?
- No, I mean not yet,
but we already have such a deep connection.
- Ugh.
- Don't ugh me.
You're all high and mighty
You think you know everything?
Why can't you let me be happy for once?
- He's a love bomber.
- A what?
- A love bomber.
It's like the uni bomber, but with romantic gestures
instead of explosive packages.
- I still don't follow.
- Hold on.
Okay, basically it's a person who
selfishly pursues someone
with the goal of acquiring them to boost their own ego.
- So he wants me.
- No, not at all.
Okay, love bombers,
they drone strike you with romantic gestures.
It's a ballistic missile of attention
that lands on your whole
and sets your whole village of fire
and then you have to flee
and you can only leave with the clothes on your back.
And then you have to trudge through this muddy area.
And there's a tree here.
- You got lost in the analogy.
- Yep.
- So for him it makes him feel good but for me.
- Well, it feels real until you realize
that he is not serious about anything that he's saying.
- You think he's gonna ghost me?
- 100%.
- How is this even a thing?
- Well, it's actually pretty advanced stuff.
It's kind of cool when you think about it.
So originally the fuck boy was king, right?
He was the bad boy who said all the things
he needed to say to get what he wanted.
And he rose to the top.
But then the women got wise to the fuck boy.
So he had to evolve.
He adapted, he mutated into a new variant if you will.
- Too soon.
- Now this is a love bomber
and he says all the things he needs to say.
He makes promises that he can't promise.
And then he disappears when he's had his fill
He's just like a mosquito that's all plumped out.
- And you think this is Marco?
- I know this is Marco.
- How?
- Did you see the diagram?
- He made me a playlist.
- Is it the one that starts
with Usher's 'Confessions Part Two'?
- Yeah. - That'll be the one.
Yeah, he sends that one out a lot.
- I thought he made it really fast.
It had like a five minute turnaround and I was like,
this is a really eclectic mix
of songs with a great through line.
Damn it.
This sucks.
- Yeah, it's definitely a much more
advanced contagious variant.
I mean, we definitely need a vaccine
if not a booster in this.
- No. - Maybe another booster..
- No, can you stop with the COVID comparisons?
- But I had such a good hydroxychloroquine metaphor.
- No you didn't. - No, I didn't.
Regardless, Marco gets left on read.
- Marco gets left on read.
- Can we listen to the playlist now?
- It's actually really good.
- It feels like the song order tells a story.
It's like the comparison between new and old.
It keeps me vibing but then also like picks me up
when it needs to.
- 100%.
Huge thank you to today's sponsor, BetterHelp.
You guys, it has been a challenging year to say the least.
And it's really important
that we're all taking care of our mental health.
BetterHelp is secure professional online counseling.
They assess your needs
and match you with your own licensed professional therapist.
And should you need to change counselors for any reason,
they make it free and easy.
Now this is not a crisis line, this is not self-help,
this is professional counseling
that is available to clients worldwide.
You can log into your account anytime
and send a message to your counselor
and they ensure timely and thoughtful responses.
You can also set up weekly phone or video sessions
so you don't have to leave the comfort of your own home.
It's more affordable than traditional offline counseling
and financial aid is available if you do need it.
BetterHelp wants you to start living a happier life today.
Visit betterhelp.com/nolke.
That's betterH-E-L-P.com/nolke for 10% off your first month.
Thank you guys so much for watching.
Thank you for liking, for subscribing.
I love you so much and I will see you next week.
(music)