- [Narrator] What do you think of
when you hear the word mania?
According to a book written by a sociologist,
John Alan Lee, called "Colours of Love",
mania is a type of love that is described
as a possessive or obsessive love
that can lead to extreme jealousy and codependency.
Mania is caused by an imbalance of love and insecurities
by two people.
But the good news is even if you find yourself
in one of these styles of love that Lee describes,
you won't stay there forever.
People ebb and flow in and out of these styles of love.
Now let's explore six signs
you might be experiencing obsessive love.
Number one, lack of concentration and focus.
Have you ever found yourself losing focus on your tasks
because you're constantly thinking about your partner?
This could be a sign that you are experiencing obsession.
The person experiencing this type of love
often concentrates all of their time and energy
on that other person.
They may feel lost without them,
feel like part of them has been ripped apart,
feel like they can't be themselves without them and more.
According to researchers
in the field of sociology and psychology
who have researched these types of love,
these feelings could be related to codependency
which brings us to number two, codependency.
If your mood, happiness and identity
is defined by another person,
then you could be in a codependent relationship,
states in Everyday Health article about codependency.
According to the article,
if you find it difficult to make decisions
in a relationship,
identify your feelings and communicate,
perhaps you have fears of abandonment,
a sense of responsibility for the actions of others,
have an unhealthy dependence on relationships,
poor self-esteem and you value the approval of others
over your own, then you're codependent.
In a codependent relationship,
usually, there is one partner that can't make decisions
and the other partner revels
in making the decisions for them.
Codependency is part of the mania love dynamic.
Number three, you don't feel good
when you don't get attention from your partner.
How do you feel when your partner
is not interacting with you?
Normal, worried, angsty, void?
If you get extreme, negative emotions
that are related to attention,
this may be a sign of mania.
These feelings can be manifested in wanting to talk
or text with your partner all the time,
getting sad, feeling desperate
or worried if they don't respond right away,
thinking that they're ignoring you,
don't love you anymore,
or are avoiding you if a few hours
or a day goes by without them answering you.
You may also feel a void or emptiness
when you know that you can't communicate with them anymore,
like when they go to sleep.
These are part of the emotions and reactions
that characterize the love style of mania
according to J.A. Lee.
Number four, extreme jealousy.
Extreme jealousy can come in many forms
from just being insecure
or becoming aggressive and getting physical.
One of the things that extreme jealousy causes
is the inability to relax due to the fact
that you're often thinking about whether or not your partner
is cheating on you.
It can also create problems in the relationship
like lack of trust, shouting and abuse.
Jealousy that is taken too far will sever and damage
the relationship completely.
According to an article on Verywell Mind,
unhealthy jealousy is rooted in fear of abandonment
and a worry about not being truly loved.
This is why the person acts out
by aggressively questioning their partner,
feeling paranoid, trying to control their partner,
violating personal space and privacy among others.
If you're dealing with feelings of extreme jealousy
and can't seem to solve them on your own,
we advise that you contact a mental
or relationship and marriage counselor near you.
Number five, extreme possessiveness.
Oftentimes, extreme jealousy leads to extreme possessiveness
in an attempt to control and keep your partner close.
Possessiveness can look like breaking
the partner's boundaries, intruding in their personal space,
trying to control who they see or talk to,
trying to control how they dress,
their outings, what they eat,
breaking into their phone,
blaming, guilt tripping, manipulating them,
not letting them go out without you and more.
Lisa Firestone, a clinical psychologist,
states that acting possessive
will work to cut ties with them.
According to her,
exercising power over your partner
actually diminishes your own attraction to them.
Possessiveness leads to lower relationship satisfaction
and deteriorates it.
In the end, if the behavior is not stopped,
it will culminate at the end of the relationship
and result in two wounded people.
And number six, desperately needing your partner.
Have you ever felt overly needy
or desperate to be with your partner?
It can feel like a constant grappling
or different sensations on your chest
that sometimes lead to panic attacks.
Experts relate this mainly to abandonment and lost wounds
that make you feel the need for your partner constantly,
keeping them from going out to do simple errands
to needing them near you in order to fall asleep.
People also do this to find a sense of value
that they cannot find within themselves.
They need to be valued by the other person
in order to feel good about themselves
but demanding too much of your partner
because of your need for them
can leave both of you drained and strain your relationship.
Did you relate to any of these?
The best ways to avoid mania are to recognize
obsessive or possessive behavior
before acting it out.
Learn how to focus on yourself and your goals more
than on another person
and learn how to build and put trust in your relationships.
It's always a good idea to reach out to a mental
or relationship and marriage professional
if you think you need help
or suspect that something is harming your relationship
but you can't seem to fix it yourself or figure it out.
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Thanks for watching and see you next time.