Hey there, Adam LoDoce from sexyconfidence.com where I help the 21st century woman create
a love life that she absolutely loves.
In this video right now, I'm going to be talking about how it is that you women can attract
a man by actually being a good person.
Keep watching.
Now there's a plague out there that is hurting all of our chances of finding love.
No, it's not herpes.
No, it's not the clap.
No, it's not even Tinder.
It's the disease of dishonesty.
Sadly, we're becoming more, and more dishonest as time goes on.
Research by academics at The University of Essex suggests that actually people in England
are less honest than they were even a decade ago.
I think that also is the same thing here in the U.S.
They surveyed more than 2 thousand found that people are apparently more tolerant now of
lying, and extramarital affairs than they were back in 2000.
Now, the survey did show that women are slightly more honest than men, but not by much.
Basically, we're all a bunch of liars.
I have a theory about why this is happening.
I think technology is to blame.
Think of this scenario.
Your girlfriend texts,
"What are you doing?"
"You're not still playing video games are you?"
"No baby, I'm just sitting here thinking about how much I love you."
It's a lot easier to lie to someone through text than it is to lie to them in person.
Somehow, we've gotten more, and more comfortable with lying, and I think that's permeating
now into real life.
The problem is, it's killing our relationships.
Zoosk, an online dating website, they put out a survey to hundreds of thousands of people,
and they showed that honesty is the second most important quality a man is looking for
in a woman.
It's more important than you think.
It's more important than having a good sense of humor, it's more important than having
a good family, than being positive, or even being beautiful.
The only thing more important than that is being fun.
It's so important to just be real with the people in our lives, to really save our relationships.
Honestly, sometimes you may not even know that you're lying when you really are.
I put together a list of a few ways that you can be more honest in your dating life, and
also be more attractive at the same time.
Here we go:
The first one is be honest if you're not sure if you want a relationship.
It's okay.
Be honest with yourself, and with him.
You may be at a point right now where you're just not ready for a relationship yet you
have all this pressure to be told from your parents, from society, you've been raised
with this fairy tale from Disney movies that you have to have a relationship to be happy.
That makes you want to just jump right in.
However, if you can be a little bit more honest with yourself about whether or not this is
the right time for you, or right time for a relationship, then it's not only going to
serve you, but it's also going to make you more attractive to men.
I know for a fact that if a man meets a woman, and within the first time meeting that person
she wants to just jump right in, get into a relationship with that guy before she even
knows that guy, it can be a complete turn off.
It's okay to be a little bit honest if you're not sure if now is the time for a relationship.
Second, be open about wanting a relationship.
This may sound contradictory to the previous point, but it's not.
There may be times when you meet a guy, and you legitimately don't want a relationship.
I know that it may change from time to time whether you want a relationship, or you don't.
Key is to be honest.
Sometimes there might be a time when you meet a guy, and you legitimately meet a guy, and
you don't want a relationship, but you of course are attracted to him so you start sleeping
together, and you start seeing each other more, and then suddenly everything changes.
You develop stronger feelings for him than you ever expected.
You start to freak out because the relationship was founded of this pretense of casual, and
now how do you change it from the situation you're in to something a little bit more serious.
Then you think, "Oh my god, what do I do?"
"I'm totally screwed."
What do most people do in this situation?
They lie to him or themselves that they don't really want a relationship, and then the relationship
typically burns up into this massive shit storm of people not sharing what's real, and
what it is that they want, and then it turns into a lot of passive communication, and passive
aggressive communication, and then ultimately nothing really happens, and both people's
feelings are hurt.
The key thing here is being a little bit more open.
Sometimes your situation changes, sometimes your feeling changes, and it's okay.
I've got to say, if this continues to happen to you, then you've got to be disciplined.
Don't allow relationships to start out as casual.
Make sure you really hold out on that situation, and make sure that the guy is actually interested
in something more than just casual sex.
Number three is being honest about your opinions.
Recently, I just moved in with my girlfriend Jessica, and she's an amazing person.
I've got to say, up until meeting her I never really had anyone tell me that a single, sexy
confidence video wasn't really that good.
Jessica was many times open about her opinion.
Before you go ahead and think that she's a monster, she's not.
She gave me praise on almost all of the videos, but also there were times when she'd take
a look at that video and be like, "You know what?"
"I think that's really off the mark, I think you're really missing the mark here."
She'd point out places for improvement.
At that very moment I was thinking, "Now that is a keeper."
It's massively attractive because it's a differentiator.
Guys don't want to date a yes woman.
A woman who just says everything they do is incredible.
They want to also be challenged.
I remember when I was single I would go from woman to woman who was telling me things that
she thought that I wanted to hear.
Then, bored out of my mind I then discovered a woman who finally was willing to tell me
the things that I needed to hear.
Number four, be honest if you feel that he is taking advantage of you.
If he's only calling you at two a.m. to hook up, and you hook up with him knowing that
he's using you, then it's your fault.
If you find yourself in that situation, instead of doing that, and giving in to his every
single need at two a.m. when he's drunk, if he texts you, don't respond that night, and
then text him the next morning with something like this:
"Hey, saw your text from last night."
"Can you give me a ring when you get a chance?"
Now, if he never ends up calling you after that text, then all you've got to do is say
that famous letter word which is, "Next."
If he does call you then you can say something like:
"It's not a big deal, but I just want you to know that I'm not really the late night
hook-up kind of girl."
"If that's what you're looking for, I think we should probably move on."
"If you're interested in something more, then I'd be interested in exploring that."
"Holy shit."
"I think I'm in love."
Finally, be honest about your not so perfect past.
I know vulnerability can be really hard, and all of us have something in our past that
we're either embarrassed about, we're ashamed of, or we're not necessarily very comfortable
opening up.
We want to appear perfect, right?
We want to appear like we have all of our shit together when we're in a relationship.
Sometimes, the best way to really connect with someone is to share something about yourself
that's not really so perfect.
Being honest about yourself, and maybe your past, or something in your past, is a really
incredible way to have that kind of deeper emotional connection with a guy that you're
seeing.
In short, please don't go the easy way out by always lying to people because it's going
to hurt you in the long run.
As one of my favorite writers, philosophers, brain scientists, Sam Harris says, "Lying
is almost by definition a refusal to cooperate with others.
It condenses a lack of trust and trustworthiness into a single act.
It is both a failure of understanding, and an unwillingness to be understood.
To lie is to recoil from relationships."
Let me ask you, have you ever lied about something in a relationship and regretted it?
How has lying affected your relationships?
I want to hear from you in the comments right there below.
If you enjoyed this video, please give it a like on YouTube.
I really appreciate that, it helps me out a lot.
Don't forget to subscribe on YouTube for more videos just like this every single week.
If you want more help in your dating life, or with relationships, or with love, then
go ahead and click right here, right up here, that card will take you to sexyconfidence.com
where you can download a free e-book that's going to help you through every single stage
of love, dating, and relationships.
Once you join my email list, you're going to get a ton of great goodies over there that
are going to help you ever single step along the way.
Thank you so much for watching, and I'll speak to you next week.
Bye bye.