hi guys welcome back to my channel today
I want to talk about how you need to
stop trying to be happy I think our
society today is obsessed with the
concept of happiness happiness today is
translated in a form of you know having
a great job knowing what you're doing
with your life having the perfect
partner having a visually pleasing home
it comes our way from so many directions
social media TV magazines everybody
wants you to be happy but I find that in
the last couple of months this whole
like search for constant happiness made
me feel more confused and lost than ever
so I started looking into this whole
subject of happiness and I found that in
the past thirty years we had a serious
rise of depression and suicide and those
things happen mostly and more
established and developed countries and
you would think that with technology and
medicine and ubereats will be happier
now so I started thinking maybe we're
chasing the wrong thing what is
happiness so happiness defined as a
frequent experience of positive emotions
of feeling happy at that moment is it
realistic for us to be happy all the
time
is it realistic for us to feel positive
all the time no it's not I started kind
of digging more and more into what is
that thing that makes life worth living
and I found that that the answer is
meaning and I think that it's something
that we don't talk enough about
surprisingly meaning is more attainable
and maintainable you don't have to be
happy all the time to feel like your
life are worth living so I found this
book called the power of meaning and she
defined what are the four clear pillars
that are needed in her lives to make
them feel more meaningful the first
pillar that she talks about is belonging
and it's very clear belonging is feeling
like you're part of something part of a
community part of a family surrounded
with friends and all of those are
valuable
relationship that honor who you are as a
person so they're not based on anything
like status or finance it's really about
the truth surrounding yourself with
those type of relationship that are
based on truth that accept you the way
you are and don't judge you as a person
is so so important I was watching this
TED talk about this longest study ever
made on humans and they were following
people I think for 60 or 70 years from
childhood until their old age and they
wanted to measure at the end of their
lives
what was it that brought them the most
happiness in their lives some of them
went to do amazing things in their
careers and make money some went back to
poverty and just like a lot of variety
but a lot of them ended up saying that
relationships were the most important
key to leading a fulfilling life so
making sure that you're surrounded by
real true people that love you and
cherish you and you do the same is
extremely important the second pillar is
purpose and purpose can sound a little
big and overwhelming like you're
supposed to do something that will save
the world but you'll be surprised that
purpose can truly be anything it can be
present parent it can be a positive
person in your office it can be being a
good friend those are things that will
bring purpose purpose also has an
external component so it's not really
all about you it's about how would you
do benefit someone else and not just you
and your ego it can be being involved in
a cause in your community or fighting
for something that you believe in or
even being again something so simple but
being present and an active member in
your family if it's helping out with
chores or taking care of siblings all of
those things can bring value to your
life making you feel like you have a
purpose like you're here and you're
helping and you're doing something that
doesn't serve you but serve someone else
so in return it makes your life feel
more
filled and worthwhile finding that
purpose in your everyday tasks will make
you feel motivated and resilient the
third pillar is storytelling and this is
something I wish that all of us will one
day master but hopefully all of us
practice today if not you have to so
life happens every day the good bad
horrible experiences happen to us all
the time and as humans it's our natural
instinct to make sense of everything to
draw conclusions trying to understand
why it happens we process these events
and trying to make sense out of them and
those stories that we tell ourselves are
really defining who we are so we always
make narrative choices when we're
telling these stories to ourselves the
choices that you make with those stories
shape you as a person I'm sure you see
around as there's so many inspiring and
motivational people that the way they
tell their story is coming from a place
where they had that challenging or bad
experience in their lives and it led
them into something bigger and better
and they found a way to tell that story
and that story gave them meaning and
purpose so look at Oprah or look at
others so many amazing people online
that are taking bad experiences and
helping other people with those stories
the people that narrate those
experiences as positive are the ones
that find meaning in their lives they
chose to define their experience as
experience that had a purpose that had a
meaning that didn't happen for no reason
it happened to bring you something
bigger to make you better to teach you
something if you are at a place where it
feels like a dark hole you can re-edit
those stories you can sit down reflect
look back and it might be painful and
might be uncomfortable but sitting down
and reflecting on those experiences and
challenging moments and trying to
understand why they happen and what good
they brought to you will really help you
too
connect all the dots and feel more calm
the fourth pillar and the last one
insurance sentence and this is something
that I would say you can call it
mindfulness I guess but transcendence
are those moments in life that happen
when you just kind of leave your ego and
your mind and all those thoughts that
are rushing through and like every
second and our brains and really kind of
stepping out of yourself and feel like
you're part of something so much bigger
some people experience that with
meditating others experience it with
walking and nature are the ones through
art some people I know feel that way
when they do a craft that they love so
really kind of finding something that
makes you realize how small and
insignificant so many things in our
lives are and really working on
developing that power of leaving your
ego and leaving your mind and connecting
to something bigger really helps with
showing you the bigger picture it slows
down time it makes you trust the process
in a way and it makes you realize that
you can't control everything which is
such a relief to understand and it's
something that we have to remind
ourselves all the time so those moments
are the ones that really change us
they're the ones that make us feel less
self-centered and kinder to ourselves
and to others my favorite lesson from
those moments is just letting go so we
have belonging purpose storytelling and
transcendence those are the four pillars
that are actually making a difference in
our lives
and when you have them and you work on
having them and you work on maintaining
them you're gonna feel like you're here
for a reason
there's meaning to what you're doing and
life is worth living and it doesn't all
have to translate to always being happy
and feeling positive all the time
because that's not how we work
unfortunately and the world doesn't work
that way so I hope this video helped you
guys let me know what you think let me
know if you learn something new stop
trying to be happy and look for meaning
and fulfillment I love you guys
see you next time
you