-Hi. In this video, we're going to talk about five things that men need in bed.
[music]
Hi, there. Mat Shaffer, your empowerment,
connection, and relationship coach.
I am a former attorney who's committed his life
to supporting women like you in finding the dynamic fulfilling relationships
and connections with men that you are so worthy of.
I'm really excited about today's topic.
We're going to talk about five things that men need to feel and experience
from you to have the electrifying sex
and physical connection that I know you want.
We're diving into it.
Before we do, take a second, hit that little subscribe button,
and don't forget to click the link in the comments and caption.
I have created some great training, some great content
that I know is going to make a huge difference
in your relationships and connections with men.
The first thing men need to feel in bed to really have
that amazing sex life that I know you want is they need to feel safe.
I know that might seem a little surprising,
but there's a little secret I want to let you in on,
is that sex isn't so much an act for a lot of men.
For a lot of men,
sex is actually a very vulnerable form of emotional expression.
Think about it.
Touch is a primary love language for a lot of men.
If touch is a primary love language for men, then what is sex?
Sex is a very deep and intimate form of connection.
For a lot of men,
it's how they show how they feel about you in a very meaningful way.
For a lot of men,
using their words is really a lot more difficult to express
how much we care about you.
Physical touch and sexual expression gives us an outlet to show you
how we feel about you, and build that vulnerable connection with you.
In order for a man to really be able drop his walls
and connect with you physically in a meaningful way,
he needs to feel safe.
What does that look like?
Probably the most important thing to help a man feel safe during sex
and in the bedroom is to make it a judgment-free zone.
A judgment-free zone where he can ask for what he wants,
he knows he can share maybe his kinks, the things he's into,
and he know that he's not going to be judged,
or shamed, or rejected for them.
Can you ask him what he wants? Can you be genuinely curious,
and can you help him understand that no matter what he's into
or what he maybe wants to try or experiment,
you're at least opening to listening to him about it?
If you can empower him to ask for what he wants,
establish the bedroom as a judgment-free zone
where both you and him can share what it is that you want,
ask for what you need,
and connect with each other on that level without judgment,
he's going to feel safe,
and he's going to start feeling more empowered to be more daring,
be more direct, and it's going to make your sex way hotter.
The second thing men need to feel during sex
and in the bedroom is they need to feel connected.
Specifically, they need to feel connected to you.
Why is it so important that men feel connected during sex?
For one very important reason,
they want to know that what they're doing
is making you happy.
It's so important for the masculine to be acknowledged by the feminine
for his actions.
That is a universal principle of masculine and feminine energy,
and nowhere is it more important than in the bedroom.
How can you make a man feel more connected to you during sex?
How can you acknowledge him?
How can you encourage him?
How can you use your words, use your moans, use your body,
demonstrate to him that you are present,
and you are connected, and you are engaged in this experience,
and really invite him to keep doing the things that you love?
That is so powerful.
It's so hot.
If you can make a man feel connected and invited during the experience,
he's going to really love it.
A third thing that men really want to feel in bed and during sex
is that you want to be there.
[chuckles]
I cannot overemphasize how much more important your energy
and enthusiasm is than your technique.
A great example of where this applies is in oral sex.
Men would much rather have a really enthusiastic passionate blow job
from a woman who maybe isn't as skilled [chuckles]
in the art of doing it than a woman who's just doing it from a sense
of obligation, and she's going through the motions,
but she's really good at the techniques.
Men aren't nearly as excited about your moves
than they are about just feeling like you're really passionately
wanting them and wanting to be with them.
We feed off of that energy, we love it.
Let go of your preoccupation with learning all the moves in a Cosmo manual,
and instead, just focus on showing up enthusiastically and just going for it.
A fourth thing men really want in bed is to be guided towards what you want.
How can you guide a man?
You can guide him using your gestures, using invitations, using your body.
Guide him towards what you want.
Guide him towards where you want him to touch you,
guide him towards how you want him to kiss you.
Use your body, use your physicality,
and use your words.
If you're going to use your words, do it in a sensual inviting way.
You can tell him.
You can tell him what you want, and do it in an empowered feminine
inviting way about how much it turns you on.
Doing this is going to really make a huge difference in your love life
because truly we want to make you happy.
We want to do exactly what it is that you want.
If you're able to tell us, and guide us, and show us,
everybody wins.
You get exactly what you want, and we stop having to guess.
[chuckles]
That's something that can be really challenging for men
in the bedroom and during sex.
Trying to read your body language and trying to just figure out
is this working, is this not working.
Just let us know, guide us towards what you want,
and everybody's going to win.
The fifth thing that men really want to feel and they want to experience
in bed is they want to play and they want to feel free.
They want to experience freedom in the act of connecting with you during sex.
I want you to take the pressure off yourself that every time you connect
with a man physically that it needs to be this deep solemn engaged encounter.
Take the pressure off and treat physical connection as a spectrum.
Sometimes it's deep and sensual, and meaningful.
Other times it's fun and light, and playful.
It doesn't always have to be making love.
Sometimes it can be just fooling around.
Both types of sex can be really meaningful and really powerful for men.
If you're able to dance in the spectrum of sex with him,
and just allow it to be light and playful, and not always a very serious engagement,
he's really going to appreciate that.
I'll be honest with you, sometimes for men after they've had a long, big,
heavy day at work,
they don't want to come home and have a big production in bed.
Sometimes they just want to have some light, fun,
freeing play with their partner.
Read your partner, get a sense for his energy,
and come together in a way
that really creates a great experience for both of you.
If you can be conscious of these five things that men
really want in bed, it is going to make a huge difference in your sex life.
The first thing is men want to feel safe.
The bedroom needs to be a judgment-free zone
because, for a lot of men,
sex is a vulnerable form of emotional expression much more so than their words.
You don't want to reject a man or shut a man down while he's trying to be
vulnerable with you, especially if he's asking for what he wants.
Have open dialogues about what you're both into,
and find ways to make each other happy.
The second thing men really want to feel is connected to you.
Are you demonstrating to him that you are in this experience,
you are connected? Are you acknowledging him
for what he's doing right by the way you're moaning,
and moving your body, and the words that you're saying to him?
It's really powerful to reinforce to him,
"Yes, I love what you're doing."
Thirdly, a man wants to feel that you really want to be there,
that you really want to make him happy,
that you want to give him pleasure.
That enthusiasm and energy is way more important
than you being a pro in terms of your moves or techniques
when you're making love or hooking up with him.
The fourth thing a man really wants from you is to be guided to what you want.
Show him, demonstrate to him, use your words, use your body,
use your hands, and really let him know exactly
what he can do to make you happy.
Trust me, he will deeply appreciate it.
The last thing that men really want to feel and experience in the bedroom
is sometimes they just want to play, and they just want to feel free.
Sex is one of the ultimate acts of freedom.
If you can have a wide variety of sex from deep loving,
passionate, intimate sex to light, playful,
freeing sex depending upon the moods that you're in and the situation,
it's really going to help sex become much more fun
and much more dynamic for both of you.
Keep these five things in mind, go out there, and have some fun.
If you enjoyed this video, take a second, hit that little subscribe button,
and don't forget to click that link in the comments and caption.
I've created an awesome training that I know you're going to love.
Thanks so much for stopping by.
I'll see you next time on my YouTube channel.