Clay Andrews: Will my ex move on if I use no contact? That's
what we're going to be talking about this video. But first, my name is Clay with modernlove.life,
where we help you get the great loving relationship that you're looking for without having to
play mind games, without having to play hard to get, and without having to pretend to be
someone or something that you are not because you deserve to be loved for the unique, amazing,
and wonderful person that you are. And if you agree with me, do me a favor by giving
this video a thumbs up and by subscribing to this channel if you're not already subscribed.
Also, I wanted to let you know that we do have our course called the Ex Solution Program.
Of Course, you can find out more about that in the link down below in the description
box. If it's right for you, feel free to sign up. If it's not right for you, that's totally
okay. If you're just curious and want to check it out, the link is down there.
Clay Andrews: Anyway, I'm just getting settled into our
new house here. So this is one of the first few videos that I'm doing here, but I did
want to address this concern that a lot of people have about no contact. If you're watching
this video, you've probably heard about no contact somewhere, whether that's from me
or somewhere else. You've probably heard about it and there's a part of you that's like,
"Well, should I do this? Maybe I'm interested in doing it. Maybe I think I should do it.
Maybe I'm afraid that if I do it, my ex is going to move on and I'm going to lose my
chance forever."
Clay Andrews: I want to let you know that moving on, your
ex moving on is not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, in a certain respect, we actually
want our ex to move on. We don't want to be interacting with our ex as they're heartbroken
and devastated from the breakup because we're not going to be really, truly interacting
with them emotionally on the ideal emotional level. We're actually going to be interacting
with them while they are in a certain sort of damage control mode. I mean, we call it
the meltdown mode, but it's basically the same as damage control mode. And so that's
not a great place to be interacting with someone and especially if you're in damage control
mode as well too.
Clay Andrews: We actually want our ex to move on emotionally
so that they can be in an emotionally good place where they can have the space to connect
with us and to actually get closer to us. And this is only going to happen once they
have the space to actually move on and no contact can be a great mechanism for them
to actually start to move on, to come to peace with the fact that the breakup happened, that
all the things have settled wherever they have settled, and to actually allow them to
start to move on.
Clay Andrews: Now, of course, I know that's probably not
what you're primarily concerned about when you say you're worried that your ex is going
to move on. You're probably concerned that your ex is going to start dating someone else
and fall in love with that person and then your window of opportunity is going to be
closed for forever. Okay, this can be a legitimate concern here. Let's talk about this.
Clay Andrews: First of all, if your ex starts a new relationship
with someone else, if they start dating someone or even get into a committed relationship
with someone else, that is probably going to be a rebound relationship. Now, rebound
relationships aren't characterized by the amount of time after a breakup, but let's
face it. If the two of you broke up recently and your ex is getting into a new relationship
shortly after that, chances are very high that it is going to be a rebound relationship.
Unless your ex is somehow some sort of like master of feeling their emotions and resolving
those emotions and accepting them, they're probably going to be in a rebound relationship.
Don't worry about that. We have a whole playlist on rebound relationships. If you want to learn
more about them and a lot of the dynamics that happen in rebound relationships, please
feel free to check out that playlist right up there in a video card. But let's just say
that probably 99 times out of 100, your ex is going to be in a rebound relationship.
Clay Andrews: Now, just because it is a rebound relationship
doesn't mean that they're not going to work it out, stick together, stay together, maybe
even get married or something like that. It can happen. Again, all that it takes for two
people to stay in a relationship with one another is for both of the people involved
to decide to stay in a relationship. And if both of them are deciding to stay together,
then okay, they can be in a relationship. It's not necessarily going to be a great relationship.
It's not going to mean that they're dealing with their emotions and expressing their emotions
in the best possible way, but there they are in a relationship. And this can be something
that you might be legitimately concerned about, but let's get something straight here.
Clay Andrews: What's most important is not whether or not
your ex is in a relationship with someone else. What matters most in terms of whether
or not you and your ex can get back together is how you are connecting emotionally with
them. If you can connect with them emotionally in a powerful way, then that's going to give
them a very good reason to want to get closer to you, to want to explore what might be possible
with you, and to possibly even get back together with you. Especially when you take into consideration
the fact that a lot of people aren't that great at connecting emotionally because they
are paying too much attention to social media. They are building the habit of checking out
emotionally because of smartphones and things like that. Again, this is a topic for another
day, but well, let's just say smartphones and social media and all that. They're not
doing a whole lot of benefit for us when it comes to how our society works.
Clay Andrews: I've heard someone recommend a series called
The Social Dilemma. I think it's called in Netflix. I've heard a lot of people talking
about it. I haven't checked it out personally myself, but from what I've heard, it kind
of addresses this whole issue. So maybe that might be something for you to check out. Probably
something for me to check out either way. But yeah, I would definitely go ahead and
just keep in mind that most people are not that great at connecting on an emotional level.
Clay Andrews: And so if you can go through the process of
actually learning how to do this intentionally and on demand, then you're going to stand
out head and shoulders above anyone else that your ex is likely going to be seeing or dating.
Because let's face it. Your ex is out of a relationship with you. They're probably a
little bit emotionally unavailable. If they are going to be in a rebound relationship,
they're probably going to be in... If they are going to be in a relationship, it's probably
going to be a rebound relationship. And so thus, anyone who is going to agree to be in
a relationship with them is probably going to be emotionally unavailable as well too,
which means they're probably not going to have the true capacity to connect with them
in a powerful and strong way as you might, if you go through and learn things like the
advanced relational skills. That might be a lot to wrap your mind around, but if you
maybe think about that a little bit, it'll hopefully make sense.
Clay Andrews: What we want to do is we want to focus on
the quality of the connection between us and our ex. That is the most important thing that
you should be focusing on through this whole process, regardless of anything else that's
going on, especially regardless of whether or not your ex is in a relationship with someone
else or dating someone else or moving on because you did no contact. This brings us back to
the no contact thing.
Clay Andrews: Now, if you've watched my videos before, you
know that I don't believe that everyone needs to do no contact. This is a little bit against
the grain of maybe what you've heard from other people, but not everyone needs to do
it. The only reason you should be doing no contact is if you being in contact with your
ex is doing more harm than good to the interaction. And yeah, for a lot of people, this can make
sense, especially in those early stages when you're panicked, when you're in what we would
call damage control mode, and you're texting a million times, calling them a million times,
begging and pleading and doing all that stuff that we all know doesn't work. That can make
sense for a lot of people to do no contact. But if you are past that phase and you're
not in damage control any longer, then maybe it doesn't make sense for you to do no contact.
Not everyone needs to do it. If you and your ex are connecting in a way where when you
interact, you're coming closer together, then something's working. And why should we mess
with something that's working? As they say, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it."
Clay Andrews: So not everyone needs to do no contact. That
is at least my opinion. It's a little bit controversial compared to what some other
people out there are recommending, but we do have a lot of clients who have gotten back
together with their exes without doing no contact. Of course, there is a time and place
for no contact. That is when the two of you are interacting and it is driving the two
of you further apart emotionally, because again, what are we paying attention to most
all here? The quality of the emotional connection between the two of us. So if the two of you
are interacting and it's driving you further apart emotionally, then something is not working.
And it makes sense to cut contact to reevaluate what isn't working and to correct course as
need be.
Clay Andrews: And so let's tie this all up in a knit bow
here. If you're thinking about doing no contact, and if there's valid reasons for you to do
no contact, go ahead and do it. Don't worry about your ex moving on. First of all, you
want them to move on emotionally, but second of all, if they do move on by dating someone
else, you can totally get past that by focusing on the emotional connection, by connecting
with them in an emotionally powerful way through... In my opinion, one of the best ways to do
so would be through advanced relational skills, which is what we teach you how to do in our
course called the Ex Solution Program.
Clay Andrews: Once again, you can learn more about that
in the description box below this video. You can read a little thing that we wrote up on
what it is, how it works and all that, but the basic crux of it is learn advanced relational
skills, connect powerfully with your ex, and create a strong emotional connection that
draws the two of you closer together. But yeah, if you want to check it out, the link's
down below. If it's not right for you, that's totally okay.
Clay Andrews: But anyway, thank you so much for watching
this video. If you found it helpful, please hit that thumbs up button. It does help us
out with the YouTube algorithm and it does tell YouTube to share this video with other
people that might find it valuable. So please just take a moment of your time if you found
this video helpful and hit that thumbs up button and subscribe as well too so you get
notified when we post new videos. But in the meantime, if you would like to see more videos
about our take on the no contact rule, please feel free to check out this video series over
here, or you might want to check out this video right here. Thank you so much for watching
and I'll talk to you next time.