(pleasant music)
- Haiyaa.
Okay, here your vegan salad.
Look so sad. - Wow.
- Just like your face.
(pleasant music)
Last time, Uncle Roger got fired from shoe shop.
Haiyaa, it okay, you still growing.
So today, Uncle Roger back to find another job.
This time I working at this coffee shop, VCR.
This is my boss for today, Kenneth.
- We are a small establishment, roasting coffee.
We serve specialty coffee
and also we bake our own breads.
- Usually Uncle Roger, I drink coffee.
I drink the kopitiam coffee.
You know, the little cup with the flower on it.
Asian coffee shop cup, so pretty.
But look the at their cup, so boring.
Just black.
Why you change the design to this boring Ikea cup?
- Yeah, basic bitch, just like your orange shirt.
- Haiyaa, I haven't started working here,
got insulted by boss already.
Where your HR department?
How you roast coffee?
- So we have a roaster that is actually a machine.
- Haiyaa, why use machine?
Just use wok.
Wok roast coffee, got wok hay.
There no such thing as machine hay.
Boss Kenneth, I brought my own walk with me.
So I just pour coffee?
- No, you need to measure.
- You need to measure?
- Yeah.
- No, Asian people, we don't measure.
- Oh no.
- We just use feeling.
Give me the fire, where the fire?
Haiyaa.
Trying to roast stuff for you
and you don't give Uncle Roger fire.
See all this wok hay?
Your machine can do this?
- Please don't burn the kitchen down.
(bright music)
- See?
Roasting coffee.
Just like making egg fried rice.
So simple.
(upbeat music)
Fuiyoh, I told you, making like this, better.
- [Kenneth] It's so uneven.
- That make life more interesting.
But now it time for Uncle Roger secret ingredient.
M-S-G.
Boss Kenneth, have you had MSG in your coffee before?
- [Kenneth] No.
(upbeat music)
- Now this is coffee on crack.
Sasa is company who make Uncle Roger favorite MSG.
And this week show is sponsored by the new product
Sasa (speaking in foreign language).
In plain English, SASA fortified seasoned flour.
This flour so innovative,
it the first and only seasoned flour
approved by Indonesia FDA.
Come with Sasa platinum care plus technology.
It has all the vitamin, mineral, and fiber you need.
You use this to deep fry stuff.
It actually healthy.
Fuiyoh.
Uncle Roger recently made fried chicken with this.
I just used this flour, no salt, no pepper.
And it tastes amazing
because this flour already contain MSG in there
along with special and quality blend of spices.
This advance technology keep all the good benefit
even after frying process.
Niece and nephew, if you in Indonesia,
use this flour to make fried chicken.
Don't need to go to fast food place.
Don't get COVID.
Just make fried chicken at home.
This healthy flour, so affordable.
Only 46 cents per pack.
Use Sasa fortified seasoned flour for healthier Indonesia.
Go check out petition.
They make link in description.
(upbeat music)
Now you have to teach me how to make coffee.
- It's very simple.
Pull this out, wipe this down.
(machine whirring)
- So you grinding coffee use machine also?
- [Kenneth] You can't grind with your hands.
- Why not?
- [Kenneth] It's very hard, Uncle Roger, the beans are hard,
just like your life.
- You understand me so well, boss Kenneth.
- Yes, I see you with Auntie Helen, not doing very well.
- Haiyaa, don't bring her up.
That bitch dead to me. (laughing)
- [Kenneth] Wait, wait, wait, you need to tamp.
You need to tamp.
- Tamp, what?
- [Kenneth] But we use a machine here.
- You need machine to pat thing down?
Why you even hire people?
- Just slot this in.
And just the middle button.
- Oh, let me guess, machine make coffee also?
- Ah, we set the parameters.
So machine make half of the coffee for us.
- Machine make everything here.
Don't even bother coming.
We get machine deliver to you.
- Milk is there, you can fill up at the line.
- Uncle Roger use finger to measure the milk.
- Oh ee, you can't dip your finger into the milk.
- Haiyaa, if you get COVID from Uncle Roger finger,
you deserve to die.
Boss Kenneth, this job suit you?
You so many tattoos.
- [Kenneth] Mm hmm.
- I take one look at you,
I know this guy know how to make coffee.
- [Kenneth] My tattoo is all about coffee, Uncle Roger.
- Oh, telling people about your tattoo
is like telling people about your dream,
nobody care.
(pleasant music)
Haiyaa.
You give Uncle Roger too much milk.
Stop showing off.
Is COVID time, everybody order take away.
Nobody can see your art, the lid on it.
- This is no art.
This is like instant coffee.
- What wrong with instant coffee?
Come in packets.
So simple.
Earthquake hit your house,
you can still drink coffee.
You can't get this coffee in middle of natural disaster.
Hello, hello, what you want?
What you want?
- Do you have any single origin filter coffee?
- Single origin? - Yeah.
- What that mean?
What that mean, barista?
- So, single origin means there's only, there's not a blend.
- I asked what it mean,
you tell me what it don't mean.
- One country, one farm, one crop.
- Oh, I'm an Uncle Roger roast my own coffee.
That single origin also.
Come from Uncle Roger.
Want?
- [Customer] Yeah,
I might not want that one. - No, that's a blend
because you added MSG.
- (sighing) Okay, we have single origin coffee.
We have Ethiopian coffee.
- What does it taste like?
- What it taste like?
- It tastes like floral notes.
It has roses, has hibiscus and chrysanthemum inside.
- You're drinking coffee, not eating flower.
We drink coffee so we can get through day without crying.
Who drink coffee for enjoyment?
Haiyaa.
Okay, here, your single origin coffee,
Uncle Roger always wonder, does this thing actually work?
Let's see how hot it think the coffee is.
(temperature gun beeping)
Oh, this coffee have COVID.
(customer laughing)
Hello, hello.
Fuiyoh, look at this.
It's like Chinese New Year and funeral in the same outfit.
- Oh.
- What you want, what you want?
- I want coffee, but it make it extra bitter.
- Coffee, but extra bitter.
- Extra bitter.
- Haiyaa, why so sad, your life?
- What you want, what you want?
- Ah, do you have orange juice?
- Orange juice, of course we have orange juice.
- Is it fresh?
- Of course it fresh.
We make orange juice every day in the kitchen.
Haiyaa.
- I don't believe you.
- You don't believe me?
Fine.
Uncle Roger make orange juice for you right now.
Freshest orange juice.
I squeeze in front of you.
See?
So fresh.
Here, enjoy.
Hello, hello.
What you want?
- Uh, can I have the Wifi password?
- Wifi password?
- [Customer] Yeah.
- No, you need to be customer first.
Don't look at that.
I know it's there, but don't look at that.
- Of course I will order something.
- Okay, what you want?
- What's your favorite?
- What my favorite?
Haiyaa, just order something.
Everybody know you just here for the wifi.
Boss Kenneth, you fucked up.
Your coffee shop too comfortable.
Too many people bring the laptop here,
buy one coffee, stay for five hour.
How you stay in business?
This coffee shop so many people using laptop.
Uncle Roger so annoyed,
I gonna just unplug the wifi.
Haiyaa.
(connections clicking)
See?
Now people come here just for coffee.
(router clanks)
Hello, hello.
Little nephew, what you want?
- [Customer] Hello, hello.
- What you want at Uncle Roger coffee shop?
- Uh, egg fried rice.
- Egg fried rice?
You at wrong place.
This is coffee shop.
We don't have fried rice here,
but we have this depressing thing called quinoa.
Quinoa is white people version of egg fried rice.
It the worst food.
If vegetable taste like sad,
then quinoa taste like death.
Healthy food make you live longer
but also make you want to kill yourself.
So irony.
- What other food do you have?
- Barista Jo, what food you have?
What food you have?
- We have butter croissant, we have almond croissant,
we pain au, and we have a cheese danish.
- Haiyaa.
Why your food so white?
Why so white?
Who opened this coffee shop?
Jamie Oliver?
Do you also have chili jam here?
Hello, hello?
What you want? - Hi.
- What you want?
_ I would like a soy flat white, please.
- Soy flat white.
Why?
Why not a regular flat white?
- I can't have dairy milk.
- You can't have dairy?
Haiyaa, so weak.
Why so weak?
One drop of milk, you cannot handle.
Do you eat beef?
- Yes, I do.
- You eat beef?
- (laughing) Yeah.
- So you can eat cow, but you can't drink cow?
So weak.
Okay, flat white for weak people.
Here you go.
- [Customer] Thank you very much.
- What you want, what you want?
- Do you have anything vegan?
- Vegan?
Not again.
Every shop I work at, somebody vegan just show up.
Make Uncle Roger so sad.
Why you vegan?
- Because it's delicious to be vegan.
- No, the most delicious animal is crispy pork.
- Have you tried tempeh?
- Tempeh?
Tempeh tastes like sad.
It made of bean.
You rather eat bean than pork?
- Yes, any day.
- It's delicious. - Haiyaa.
- Anything else? - You want salad?
- Yes.
- That's the only thing you can eat here.
Salad.
- Okay, I'll have one.
- So sad, okay.
How long you been vegan?
- Ah, six years.
- Six year? - Yeah.
- When was the last time you felt joy?
Seven year ago?
Okay, here your vegan salad.
Here you go.
Haiyaa, look so sad. - Wow.
- Just like your face.
- I'm looking for a really citrussy coffee,
do you have that here?
- Citrussy coffee?
You want orange juice, also?
Okay, okay, here, bring your hand, I squeeze for you.
(orange juice splashing)
Enjoy.
(woman laughing)
You still have to pay for that.
Oh no, vegan lady back again.
What do-
- This is actually horrible.
I'd like a full refund.
- What you mean,
horrible? - It's so sad,
it's such a sad salad.
- That how vegetable supposed to look.
- Why is it hot?
I'm gonna leave you a bad review.
- Leave bad review?
Don't leave bad review.
How can Uncle Roger fix this?
- How about a free coffee on the house?
- Free coffee? - Yeah.
- So you want Uncle Roger to bribe you?
- Go on.
- Okay, Uncle Roger favorite hobby is corruption.
Barista Jo, this woman not happy.
She want free coffee.
- Sure, just compensate her.
- Okay, okay, just go make free coffee.
But just use regular milk.
She vegan, let's trick her.
- I can hear that.
I can taste it.
It has to be ear- - I'll give you a soy.
- [Customer] Perfect.
- Customer service too nice here.
Hello, hello.
What you want? - Hello
I would like to have an espresso.
- Espresso, okay. - With milk.
- Espresso with milk?
So you want latte?
- No, not latte.
The milk separate.
- Milk separate?
- [Customer] Yeah.
- So you just want to save money and make your own latte?
- [Customer] Yeah.
- Okay, smart.
Uncle Roger like.
Let's get this coffee shop out of business.
They too nice to vegan people.
Here, espresso and milk on the side.
Go make your own latte, go.
- Thank you. - Take this.
Haiyaa, wear your mask.
Uncle Roger don't want your COVID.
Wear your mask.
- [Customer] Okay.
- What you want?
- [Customer] I want one French toast
with everything on the side.
- French toast, but everything on the side?
- [Customer] Yeah.
- So you just want bread?
This is your deconstructed French toast.
Everything on he side.
You paying us, but you still have to make it yourself.
So stupid, this niece.
That like buying egg fried rice from Uncle Roger,
but rice, garlic, shallots, egg, all separate.
Oh, hello, hello.
- Hello, hello. - This niece like to wear
table cloth as your clothing.
Fuiyoh. - This is my shawl.
- Your shawl?
How old are you, wearing shawl?
Okay, okay, old lady, what you want?
What you want to drink?
- Can I just have one black coffee?
- One black coffee. - Hot, please.
Make it hot.
- Hot black coffee.
You see, that's what old women order.
Hello, hello. - Hi.
- This niece here, bottom half
look like you're going jogging,
top half look like you sugar baby.
What you want?
- DO you have anything vegan with butter?
- Vegan with butter?
Are you vegan?
- Yeah, I am.
- Are you okay with butter?
- Yeah, I love butter a lot.
- Haiyaa, such a hypocrite.
Just like Auntie Helen.
Auntie Helen, married to Uncle Roger,
but she okay with cheating.
(customer titters)
Boss Kenneth, Uncle Roger work at your coffee shop
all day today.
What you think?
- Terrible, negative.
- Negative.
What you mean?
I make fresh orange juice with my hand, not machine.
- Not hygienic.
- Not hi-
Haiyaa, no need hygiene.
If your food good enough,
people willing to get diarrhea for it.
- You unplug my router.
- Because they always sitting there, just use your wifi.
I want them to appreciate coffee
without looking at Facebook.
- And you being so mean to my customer,
you make fun of them. - Because they vegan,
what you want me to do?
They vegan, they deserve it.
I work at Auntie Liz restaurant in London, Mei Mei,
now she getting second Michelin star.
- Don't hire him, anywhere.
- No, no, no, Uncle Roger need job.
Let me back one more day next time?
- Oh no, no, no, no - I come back tomorrow.
Same time, 9:30. - No.
Tomorrow we are closed.
We are closed, we are closed.
(Roger sighs)
Chinese New Year.
Maybe it's Christmas tomorrow, too.
So you're fired.
And I know why Auntie Helen left you.
- Niece and nephew, come to VCR coffee shop.
Eat the saddest salad ever,
and enjoy the free wifi.
Remember to smack like button,
like how your parents smack you.
See you next week.
Bye bye.
- [All] Bye bye.
- It's burning, Uncle Roger, it's burning.
- That's no problem.
If the coffee burn, we just sell to Starbuck.
They like burn coffee anyway.
(Kenneth laughing)
Oh, this is tough, this is tough.
- [Kenneth] I think you can reduce a bit.
(beans rasping)
(beans clattering)
(Roger laughing)
- It's hard, okay?
It's really hard.
- [Roger] Okay.
No, no, no.
- [Kenneth] Oh, no.
- Let's ask the,
does the wifi work, people?
No?
Okay.
I (laughing) it's fucked, it's fucked. (laughing)
Your fresh orange juice.
- [Customer] Thank you.
- (laughing) Thank you.
You don't have to drink it.
Please don't drink it. - Okay.
- Haiyaa, if you get COVD from Uncle Roger finger,
you deserve to die. (laughing)
(phone trilling)
Let me answer, let me answer.
Let Uncle Roger answer the phone.
Hello, hello.
What you want, what you want?
Hello, hello.
Just talk, just talk,
I know you can hear me.
- Haiyaa, what wrong with you?
Are you sick?
You think coffee tastes like flower?
(temperature gun beeping)
Haiyaa, 40 degree, you dying too.
- (laughing) Who is Auntie Helen?
- Oh, it was my ex-wife, my fictional ex-wife.
(both laughing)
You don't know who is Auntie Helen?
- I don't know. - Haiyaa-
- Now I know, now I know.
- Go watch Uncle Roger video, haiyaa.
Why you here if you don't want my video?
Why you here?
(delicate chiming music)