Is your ex worth fighting for? That's what we're going to be talking about in this video.
But first, my name is Clay with modernlove.life. We help you get the great loving relationship
that you're looking for without having to play mind games, without having to play hard
to get, and without having to pretend to be someone or something that you are not because
you deserve to be loved for the unique, amazing, and wonderful person that you are.
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Also, I wanted to let you know that if you do decide that your ex is worth fighting for,
we do have a course called The Ex Solution Program, walks you through the whole process
of getting back together. I'll put a link to it down in the description box below this
video. If it's right for you, cool. Sign up. If it's not right for you, that's totally
okay too. You can also help out the channel by hitting that thumbs up button.
Okay. Anyway, let's go ahead and get into it. First of all, I know there's a lot of
schools of thought on this, especially online. Some people will say, "You should never, ever,
ever try to get back together with your ex. They left you for a reason. You deserve better
than that," all that sort of stuff. And then there's other people that have a different
attitude about it too. And, after talking to people, I can totally
see both sides there. There's definitely times when it makes sense not to back together with
your ex where maybe the two of you just wanted different things in life where it makes sense
for the two of you to just go your separate ways. Because even if the two of you did get
back together, one of you would have to be miserable in order for the two of you to actually
stay in a relationship. And in cases like that, yeah, it totally makes sense not to
get back together. But there's also other situations too, where
maybe people are fighting to bring their family together. People are fighting to save a relationship
that has been together for years or decades because of ... and maybe it's had a difficult
time because of some sort of misunderstanding or because of something like that can easily
be corrected. But it's really a personal choice that you have to make for yourself. But here
are some things to think about that might help you to decide if your relationship is
worth fighting for or not. The first thing is, can you be okay with your
ex as the person that they are now? That is to say, is it okay that they have whatever
they're dealing with right now? If they have like a mental illness or something like that,
are you okay to be in a relationship with someone who maybe is depressed or maybe has
some sort of condition or something like that? If that's okay with you, then, all right,
that's green light. We can move on to the next step. But if that's not okay with you,
if it's not okay with you to be in a relationship with someone who has depression or anxiety
or some sort of mental health issue or something like that, then that's when you need to kind
of stop and pause. Because, for example, how you found someone is how they are likely to
stay. Yes, your ex might be able to work through
their issues of depression. They might be able to work through their mental health stuff.
They might be able to work through other things that they might be going through, lack of
motivation, being, I don't know, out of shape, their health not being so great, career setback,
business not going where they want it to go or whatever. But these things are not necessarily
going to unfold on your timeframe. They're not going to necessarily unfold within whatever
sort of window of time you'd like them to unfold. So you have to basically assume how
they are is how they are likely to stay. Can people change? Yes. Do people change?
Yes. But your ex may not change and may not get their act together and may not pull things
together in maybe the way that you'd like them to anytime soon. And even if they did
change because of you, they'd probably just end up resenting you for some reason, because
of that. They'd say, "Oh, I didn't really want to do this, but you made me do this,"
or something like that. They have to change for themselves. They have to change because
they want to change for themselves. So we have to do the compassionate thing,
which is to say, "Hey, if you're the kind of person that I can accept and be in a relationship
with as you are right now, great, cool. If on the other hand, you're not the kind of
person that I can accept and be in a relationship with right now, for now at least, I have to
do the loving thing and let you go so that you can be in a relationship with someone
who is going to love you for who you are, and I can be in a relationship with someone
who is the right person for me, who I can love for who they are right now. And who knows?
Maybe in a couple of years or something like that, we can circle back and see if maybe
you got, kind of got yourself out of that funk or got things going with your business,
your career, or got that health thing figured out, or cut those toxic people out of your
life or whatever it might be. But for now, at least, this isn't the right thing for me."
That's something to keep in mind. Additionally, you also want to look at the
values that each of you have as well too. Do you want to go the same way in life? Do
you want the similar sorts of things in life? It doesn't have to be exactly 100% equal,
but you want to have kind of similar values that are going to take you in a similar sort
of way. For example, are both of you maybe adventurous and you want to go out and do
interesting things in life, travel the world, do stuff like that? Or are you maybe more
security focused and you just want to live a nice, simple life in whatever town and just
keep a low profile? I know that was actually one of the issues
between me and my big ex, and that's why we ultimately didn't work out, it's because we
came to the realization that like, okay, for us to actually be in a relationship, one of
us has to be miserable. I wanted to go out and try things and see the world and all of
that. And she didn't want to do that. It's not to say that she's wrong or that I'm wrong,
or that I'm right, or she's right. It's just, we just wanted different things. And we just
weren't very good together because of that. So you have to think about these sorts of
things as well, too. Do you want similar things in life? Do you have similar goals? Maybe
you want kids. Maybe they don't want kids. Maybe it's the other way around. Maybe both
of you are past the age of having kids and maybe he wants to retire in another country
and you want to stay close to family or something like that. You have to start to think about
these things. And again, you have to look at this and say, "Okay, can I accept them
as the way that they are?" Maybe things will change. Maybe they'll have
a value change or something like that, but we can't necessarily predict this. We can't
let this happen on our timeframe. This is going to have to be a choice that they make,
a decision that they make, and it has to be one that comes from them on their timeframe.
And it might take years. It might take decades, if it's even going to happen at all. The thing's
I don't want you waiting around building contempt or resentment towards them for years or decades
because they're not changing, or because they're dragging their feet about it, or them building
contempt, resentment towards you because you're making them change. Right? So we have to think
about these sorts of things. So is your relationship worth fighting for?
That's really a choice you have to make. But I hope that this is giving you some sort of
idea about some things to think about. And of course I would not recommend that you try
to get a relationship to work if there's abuse involved or anything illegal involved or something
like that, if there's an underage partner or something like that. Don't do that. I'm
not here to encourage anyone to break the law or to be in an abusive relationship or
anything like that. But this is a choice you have to make. And this is something that you
have to kind of, if it is something that you want to do, if it is something that makes
sense for you, then it's okay to dig your heels in a little bit. You don't have to listen
to the advice out there that says, "Oh, breakups happen for a reason. Never get back together
with your ex," all that sort of stuff. Okay? If you do want to learn more about how to
connect more with your ex on an emotional level, if you have done this and you've decided
that, "Hey, this is worth fighting for," then we do have a video series on what we call
Advanced Relational Skills. I'll put a video card for that up there in the corner. Check
it out if it's right for you. But yeah, we also do have our course called
The Ex Solution Program. It does take you through that whole process of rebuilding the
emotional connection between you and your ex, rebuilding the trust, and allowing the
two of you to find one another again. It's helped people for quite a while. We've been
around. We've been in business since 2009, but The Ex Solution Program has been around
since 2011, and we've updated it many times just to improve it based off of feedback and
experiences that we've had with clients. And of course, as technology improves as well
too, because certain things are becoming more and more prominent part of our lives these
days, especially more than they were back in 2011.
Anyway, if you want to learn more about that, there is a link for it down in the description
box below. Not going to hard sell you on it. If it's right for you, you're welcome to sign
up. If it's not right for you, no worries. But either way, please do me a favor and hit
that thumbs up button and subscribe if you haven't already. It does help us out with
the YouTube algorithm. Speaking of which, thank you so much for watching.
If you liked this video, you might want to check out this video over here on advanced
relational skills is via playlist or you might want to check out this video randomly selected
by the YouTube algorithm that YouTube thinks you might like. Thank you so much for watching.
Please take care, and I'll talk to you next time.