Are there any questions anyone has?
I've been dealing with this illness issue and since I was here last
I got in touch with - I'm letting go of this identity.
That's what came up for me when I asked Jesus why I am going through this illness.
I'm letting go of this identity thing that I've had ever since I was a child
but I notice that I feel like I can't let go of it unless I know what's the future.
And, how do I do that?
Well, in a sense that's an ego trap and I think it's helpful,
which is what I was saying earlier this morning that not to think of it
that you lose yourself, think of it more that as you go along in the process,
you don't lose your sense of who you are as Pam.
What you lose is the depression, anxiety, concern, whatever anger,
whatever the ego thoughts are and emotions are that make you feel distressed.
And so you could - that's an easier thing to deal with
because you could say - you know what it feels like not to be angry
and not to be depressed, and not to feel sick. You know that it feels good.
So you could say if I let go of these judgments and I let go of these anxieties
and I let go of wanting to be right, etc., and wanting to be a victim, I will feel better.
And we all, again, know what it's like to feel better.
And as you do that more and more then the feeling better goes deeper
and at the very end of the process Pam herself will disappear.
But that's way at the end. That's like at the top of the ladder.
So that you don't have to panic yourself. That's why there's that line I quoted earlier,
"Do not be afraid you will be lifted up and abruptly hurled into reality."
And later on Jesus talks about you don't go from nightmares to awakening.
You have the intervening steps of the happy dreams which are the happy dreams
of forgiveness. So that you go step by step.
And the steps again mean that you still have a sense of identity,
you still have a sense of self, but now this is a happier self.
Q.: But how do I know it is not death?
K: The ego tells you it's death. The ego tells you if I'm not a victim
and I'm not the victimized effect of what other people have done to me
then I'll cease to exist because the only self I know is one
who's been unfairly treated and victimized and then needs all these defenses to get by, etc.
What happens is again when you go gradually and gently is you begin to see,
I'm not losing my self. I'm not disappearing. I'm not dying. I'm just happier.
I wake up in the morning and instead of a frown and an
"Oh God damn it, here I am again," it's like I could be a little happier when I wake up.
So that you begin to see that I'm not losing anything
and it ends up really that you're really exchanging a self that has been miserable,
angry, depressed, anxious, fearful, with a self that is more peaceful,
that is kinder, that is gentler. And so those are the steps and then
step by step you begin to realize well maybe I'm not the person I thought I was.
Q.:To reach not being in the ego constantly
and to be with God all the time, I think sometimes
you might have to be dead. How can you live in this world without an ego?
Well, again, I think your ego is trapping you with that.
You see it makes you so fearful of nonexistence
that you say, "Well, I'm not going to do this at all."
And, so just to pick a number out of a hat that's the hundredth step.
But the ninety nine prior steps, you're not going to die,
you're not going to cease to exist, you'll just be gradually, again,
happier and happier and more peaceful. So that if you focus on that
and when the other thought comes say that's just an ego ploy
to frighten me so much that I will just give up the whole thing
rather than just focus on what you are doing now which is to day in and day out
just try to remember that you have a choice and you don't have to feel unfairly treated,
you don't have to feel powerless and that it's not a sin to be happy.
And remember again the valuable lesson of living in this world
is to live in a world of constant change, to live in a body
that's constantly changing and yet not give it power
to take away the constancy of the peace within.
At the same time you're paying attention to your body and the needs of the body
emotionally as well as physically and other people's bodies, etc., that you do not
give it power to take away the changelessness of the peace in your mind.
And that's what will help you not to feel guilty if your body's preoccupation
and is always sick or always needy or always this or always that.
You don't have to give it the power to make you feel like a failure.
You don't have to give it the power to be the instrument of taking your peace away.
There may be pain, physical and/or psychological pain,
but the love in you, which is the truth, doesn't have to change.
It doesn't waver. It doesn't falter.
That's when this Course becomes very practical in terms of seeing,
as I was saying earlier, how each moment of the day
you are so tempted to give that power away.
Q.: If a doctor has told you your gland's not going to come back
and you've to deal with the body issues and it's a constant reminder
that the body's real and it makes you angry and depressed.
How do you get past the body that way?
The way you get past the body and body issues is to take care of your body
the way whoever the medical people are that you're trusting
and working with, but try not to make it into a terrible symbol.
Just say, well here I am in a body, and my body isn't working quite right
and this is what I could do to help the body feel better and so I'll do it,
but this has nothing to do with anything." In other words, don't make it into
a serious thing. Your ego is just laying one land mind after another for you.
And I think what you want to do with your body if your body is a problem
- we all have bodies that are problems - you should take care of it
in whatever way will help you. And there is no right or wrong way.
There are all kinds of ways in the world. And, you just want to choose the one
that you feel the most comfortable with and that works for you.
And don't use it as an obstacle to your study of the Course.
Just see is as a way - the classroom then is that I could learn to be at peace
even though my body is falling apart. I could learn to be at peace even if
my problem is a chronic one and I will never be free from it.
I could be at peace even if I have to take medication or do this, that or the other thing
for the rest of my life. Instead of seeing woe I am making my body real
and I am failing the Course and I should be beyond all this
and I should awaken from the dream, then you will never do it that way.
It is much more spiritually advancing and much more helpful
to be kind and gentle with your body and take care of it.
The Course says what the ego made to harm the Holy Spirit uses to heal.
So your ego made your body as it made all of our bodies
to keep us away from the truth and from God.
And then there's guilt and so we always experience guilt in our bodies
and that's what sickness ultimately is. But it can now serve a holy purpose.
Where you could say this, "OK, this comes from guilt" and you do not even have to know
what all that's about, but I don't have to punish myself anymore.
And I could use my sick body and doing whatever it is I have to do with it,
for it, as a way of learning that this is no impediment to who I am.
And I could be at peace even if I am physically sick the rest of my life.
And if you could be at peace even though you're physically sick
the rest of your life, you're not sick anymore.
Your body may have a symptom but your mind is healed because you're not giving it
any power over you. This was the thing I was talking about earlier about
how we give people and situations and things power over us.
Well, the body is high on that list. We give the body power over us.
So again, by your getting upset by having symptoms
is a way of giving your body power over you. And what would get you past that is
to again take care of the symptoms but realize this doesn't mean anything.
And it's okay if I have the symptom the rest of my life. It doesn't make me sick.
The sickness is in my getting upset because I have the symptom.
Remember this says truth will correct the errors in your mind, not your body.
So just think what a valuable lesson it would be for you,
and I'm not saying you will have the symptom the rest of your life or you should have it,
all I'm saying is if you do have it, it would be a wonderful lesson
to be able to say I could still be at peace. Q: OK
K: But the idea is to do it gradually and gently and kindly to yourself.