Matt: Morning, everybody.
Guys, I've got some great news!
We have just won the biggest award we've ever been nominated for:
It's from the Online Remix Choice Awards, also known as the Orcas,
Which is not a whale-based organization
But it's for the Best Combination Documentary/Christian-Rap Video!
Office: [cheering]
Matt: Yeah! Right?
Yeah! [applause]
[applause]
Office: Ohhh!
[laughing]
Matt: We did it!
Now clean this shit up.
Chirs: Woohoo!
We got the mail in, huh?
Ok... Bill, pass to bill, we- Oh!
Fantastic!
I may have won a million dollars!
Look at that, million dollars! All mine! Great-
Chris: CONGRATULATIONS! Matt: OH, WHAT THE-?
Chris: Woohoohoo!
A million dollars, dude! You're rich!
Matt: I didn't win a million dollars, you idiot! It's frickin' junk mail!
Chris: ...Weird.
Matt: Yeah, it's weird
You know what else is weird? Splashing people with fuckin' Gatorade for no good reason!
Chris: It's a convincing, you know...
advertisement.
I was fooled.
Matt: You're an idiot. Clean all this up.
Pay these bills.
Chris: Your mom... pays the bills.
Matt: Shut up, Chris.
Joel: Yeah, what'd you do this weekend?
Matt: Oh I didn't tell you? Joel: Uh-uh.
Matt: Well maybe I should just... call you up!
and tell you all about it!
Joel: New cell phone, nice.
Matt: It's an iDroid Universe DS 2.
Joel: Yeah, sounds uh, made up.
Matt: It's probably the best phone I've ever had-
Chris: WOOHOOHOO!
Chris: Boom! Congratulations Matt!
Ring ring ring! Who's there? Awesome new phone.
Matt: Yeah, awesome new phone that you just ruined by getting it all wet!
Chris: ...The things not even dunk proof?
Matt: Shut up! I just got a new phone, is NOT a Gatorade splash-worthy event!
If I win the Superbowl, and then I fuck a supermodel, and drive off in a brand new car,
Then by all means, feel free to-
WHAT THE FUCK, MAN?
Chris: Were we not practicing?
Matt: No we're not practicing!
Where did you even get all the extra Gatorade, man?
Oh come on! Are you serious?
Listen, no more Gatorade splashes!
Chris: Dunk.
Matt: What? Chris: It's called "dunking"
Chris: Gatorade Dunk.
Joel: No, technically he's right because if it's from the side or underneath it's a splash
I mean, like that old saying, right, "If it's from the side, let it roll like the tide. If it's from the top-"
Matt: Alright, fuck both you guys.
I don't give a shit what it's called.
It could be the Pepsi Challenge, the Nestie Plunge, the Great Ginger Ale Golden Shower for all I care,
What I do care about is that the size of the celebration
Matches the size of the THING YOU'RE FUCKING CELEBRATING.
Do you understand?
Chris: Okay. That makes sense.
I mean that really does make sense, I'm sorry.
Joel: -and that's why you need the double lubricant.
Brandon: Oh yeah, no, I can see that.
Matt: Hey guys.
Brandon: Oh hey, Matt, what's up, man?
Matt: Is Chris around?
Brandon: Umm, I think he went to lunch? Joel: Lunch. He went to lunch.
Brandon: Yeah he's gone.
Matt: I've got unbelievable news.
My wife's pregnant.
Brandon: Oh that's awesome!
Matt: It's twins!
Joel: Oh that's great man! That's great! Yeah. Fantastic. Brandon: Congratulations, man! That's, that's cool!
Matt: But... That's not all.
See, there's a-
Motherfuck-
Chris: Yeah! Babies!
Baby time! Congratulations, Matt, man, that's awesome.
Brandon: Chris, why are the bottles so small?
Chris: The size of the dunk has to match the size of the celebration,
and you know, babies are cool but, you know, they're not THAT cool.
So you know, little bottles.
I use little bottles for babies.
Matt: What I was going to say was.
My wife's pregnant, with TWINS, and they're not mine!
Yeah.
Chris: Maybe just the one bottle then.
Matt: I'm just gonna go kill myself now.
Joel: Do you have cherry?
Thank you.