Do you want to know why somebody might ignore those red flags when getting
into a relationship with a narcissist? I've been there and I did it myself,
and I ignored them to my own detriment. And I'm going to tell you why I think
people ignore those red flags when they're getting into a relationship with a narcissist.
Hi, I'm Rebecca Zung, and I've been recognized as one of the top attorneys, best lawyer in
America by US news and many other outlets. And I have written two best-selling books,
Negotiate Like You Matter, and Breaking Free: A Step-by-step Divorce Guide, and what I do
is I help people negotiate with narcissists. I help you break free by creating the strategy,
the leverage, and the information that you need to know to successfully negotiate with difficult
or toxic personalities. And if that sounds good to you, if that's what you want,
then go ahead and subscribe and hit the notification bell, and that way you'll get
notified when I upload new content and new videos. So, let's talk about why we ignore those red flags
when you are dealing with a narcissist and getting into that relationship, whether it's a romantic
relationship or a business relationship or any other kind of relationship, it really doesn't
matter, but they are very, very similar, the narcissists. The people who are in my private
Facebook group, which you are certainly welcome to join by the way, is Narcissist Negotiators
with Rebecca Zung, and the people in the private Facebook group often say, "Wow, I can't believe
how similar they are. I can't believe that they all seem to have the same playbook."
They're actually a very simple personality to understand. It's crazy because it's sort of this
great paradox that they are the most difficult to deal with, and at the same time,
the most simple to understand. But that's what we're dealing with here. So, the
good news is, they're simple to understand. The bad news is, they're toxic and heinous.
Anyway, you can understand them by understanding that they start off with
love bombing and they appear perfect and very charismatic and charisma boiling over,
and just exuding everything wonderful. And they are extremely good at reading people.
And so they understand right away what it is that they need to do to appear perfect for you.
And as I've said before, if it's a business relationship, they have the perfect
resume. They know all the right people, they have the right contacts, they have the most
perfect skills, whatever it is to appear wonderful for you in a business setting.
And if it's a romantic setting, then they're doing everything, including basically kissing
and rubbing your feet and feeding you grapes off the thing like you're the Roman God,
and that's how they are in the beginning. And you just are completely swept off your feet.
So then when the devaluing starts, and that passive aggressive kind of thing starts,
first of all, one of the reasons why you may ignore those red flags is because
you're already in the relationship at that point. Now, you're in it.
Maybe you moved in with the person. Maybe you've created a business partnership with them. So you
hope that it's just a fluke. You hope that it's just a one-time thing. You hope that,
okay, maybe they were having a bad day. Maybe you're reading it wrong, maybe... Because they're
so great in every other way. So when it first happens, you go, "Oh, okay. That didn't feel good,
but maybe it's a figment. Maybe it's just something that just happened one time."
And so you ignore that red flag. You go, "Oh, okay." And so that's the first
reason. You just think that it's a one-time thing, it's a fluke. And so you just keep going on,
and now you're deeper, deeper, deeper into this relationship. And you're starting to
see more things, but you also start to see that they have this fragile sense of self
and they start telling you things. And especially if they're a covert narcissist, they might tell
you about their horrible childhood. They might tell you about their fears on things, or whatever.
And so while they're devaluing you and not providing any sense of emotional
anything to you, so you're depositing into this relationship. Deposit, deposit deposit,
and you're not getting anything out of it. And you're starting to realize, "Hey,
I'm doing most of the work here." If it's a business relationship,
I bet you that you're doing the majority of the work. You're the one who's running things
or getting things done or talking to people or bringing in the leads or setting up the bank
accounts and setting up the systems or whatever it is. And they're just over there and taking it,
but they act like they're involved and they even kind of tell you that they're involved, and
these are all the things that they're doing. And you're sort of thinking, "Well, okay, I guess so."
And same thing if it's in a romance relationship, all of a sudden you're doing everything.
And then when you ask them to help, they, they get angry, they get resentful. I said I was
going to do it. I'm going to do it. Or whatever it is, and it's this passive aggressive thing.
And so, it gets confusing because you're thinking, "Okay, I think I'm getting something out of this,
but I'm not sure." But when they start to reveal things to you,
like they had this terrible childhood, or they have issues with depression, or somebody else was
awful to them, and they're a victim of someone. Maybe it was their parent, maybe it was another
relationship, maybe it was another business relationship.
And so you start to go, "Well, maybe I can help this person. Maybe I can make them better."
Because narcissists and empaths, they have this symbiotic relationship. But maybe you're thinking,
"I can help them. I can save them. I can make them better. I can love them back to health."
We empaths, we think we can love everyone back to health. We think we can change the world. And so,
maybe you stay in the relationship because you think you can help them. And so you see these red
flags, but you think, "Well, I think I can make it better." So that's the second reason. And if
you've seen these red flags and you have ignored them, give me a no more ignoring in the comments,
because we're not going to do that anymore. No more ignoring. Our eyes are wide open from now on.
Okay? So I mean, I think a lot of times that we are in these relationships and we think, "Well,
it's not all bad. It's not bad all the time, sometimes it's good." And so I think that's
really kind of another reason that we ignore those red flags, because it's not bad all the time.
And I think another reason that we ignore these red flags is because
maybe it's in our own neuronal patterning. So when we were children, certain neuronal patterns
formed inside of our brains and we became who we are. We drew conclusions about who we are.
And even if it's not necessarily comfortable, or you don't like it, it's comfortable to be with
someone who is not necessarily the nicest to us. Maybe we didn't, our own selves didn't have
the best childhood, and we don't feel the greatest about ourselves.
We have our own issues with self-worth or we have our own issues with valuing ourselves or
allowing ourselves to be treated in a certain way. And maybe we're just used to that. Maybe that's
something that... it's sort of like putting on an old pair of sneakers. They're comfortable,
but they're not the greatest, so we just go right back to that sometimes. We attract that into
our lives because that's what we're used to. So I think that that's another reason why we
sometimes ignore red flags, but when you are getting ready to break up this relationship,
whether it's in a business setting or a romantic setting, you should no longer
ignore those red flags. This is the time that your eyes need to be wide open
because you need to be seeing what's going on and looking for red flags of times that they may be
doing stuff behind your back, lining up smear campaigns, flying monkeys, people like that.
If you want to know more about shutting down a narcissist smear campaign, check out my video
on that, and just make sure that you're observing what's going on, because you're going to need to
know that information when you go to negotiate with them. Every single piece of information is
going to become a pattern, become something that you will be able to use when you were developing
your strategy and your leverage in negotiating with a narcissist and that S&L, strategy leverage,
that's the first part of the methodology and my slay program. Strategy, leverage,
anticipate, and focus on you and your case. So, if you're getting ready to negotiate with
a toxic or difficult personality or negotiate with anyone, go ahead and grab
my free Crush My Negotiation prep worksheet at winmynegotiation.com. And you can join me in my
free private Facebook group as well, of course, Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca's Zung.
And if you liked this video, make sure you like it, share it, drop me a comment,
and if you haven't subscribed yet, what are you waiting for? Don't you want to get out
of that relationship with that narcissist? Subscribe and hit that notification bell.
And thank you so much for stopping by. I'm Rebecca Zung, and I will see you in the next video.