( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
WELCOME BACK!
GIVE IT UP FOR JON BATISTE AND "STAY HUMAN," EVERYBODY!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) AND THE LEGEND --
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) JON, I'M HEARING VERY GOOD
THINGS ABOUT Y'ALL'S PERFORMANCE THIS WEEKEND ADD GLOBAL
CITIZENS.
YOU GUYS CRUSHED IT.
>> Jon: YES.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: TELL ME ABOUT THE
WHOLE EXPERIENCE.
WHAT WAS IT LIKE FOR Y'ALL?
>> Jon: AMAZING.
ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE.
>> Stephen: HOW MANY PEOPLE ON THE GREAT LAWN?
>> 60,000 OR SO.
JUST CASUAL.
>> Stephen: JUST FRIENDS AND FAMILY.
>> MM-HMM.
>> Stephen: HOW LONG OF A SET DID Y'ALL DO?
>> Jon: OH, WE PLAYED FOR CINDY LAUPER, LISSY KAREN AND
DID A 20-MEANT SET FROM THE "WE ARE" ALBUM, AND WE ROCKED THAT
SUCKER, MAN.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: WELL, WHERE CAN I
SEE IT?
>> IT'S ONLINE.
I THINK IT'S GLOBAL CITIZEN.
AND ALSO YOU CAN CHECK OUT WAYS YOU CAN ACTUALLY GIVE BACK
BECAUSE THAT WAS THE WHOLE POINT.
WE'RE TRYING TO FIGHT CLIMATE CHANGE AND CHANGE THIS WORLD FOR
THE BETTER.
>> Stephen: GLOBAL CITIZEN.org.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THANK YOU, JON.
I'M VERY EXCITED BECAUSE MY GOOD FRIEND JON STEWART'S NEW SHOW IS
PREMIERING THIS THURSDAY ON APPLE TV+.
IT'S CALLED "THE PROBLEM WITH JON STEWART" AND IT'LL BE AIRING
EVERY OTHER WEEK.
IT'S PERFECT IF YOU LOVED HIM ON THE DAILY SHOW, BUT WISHED IT
WAS LESS OFTEN.
( LAUGHTER ) AND IN EACH EPISODE JON IS GOING
TO DO A DEEP DIVE ON ONE TOPIC.
SO I FIGURE WHAT BETTER WAY TO CELEBRATE HIS NEW SHOW THAN BY
DOING A DEEP DIVE ON JON STEWART HIMSELF?
AND I'M HAPPY TO SAY THAT RECENTLY JON STEWART STOPPED BY
AND TOOK THE VERY REVEALING, PATENT-PENDING, COLBERT
QUESTIONERT.
♪♪ JOHN STEWART'S HERE EVERYBODY.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: WE'VE SEEN EACH
OTHER FOR MANY YEARS.
TO TRULY KNOW SOMEONE YOU HAVE TO INTERVIEW THEM ON A TALK
SHOW.
THAT'S WHEN THEY'RE MOST REVEL R REVEALATORY.
>> WE SPENT MANY HOURS TALKING BUT DO WE REALLY KNOW EACH
OHER?
I DON'T KNOW.
>> Stephen: I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU THE COLBERT QUESTIONERT!.
>> OPEN BOOK!
>> Stephen: FIRST QUESTION ON THE COLBERT QUESTIONERT!.
>> ALL RIGHT.
>> Stephen: JON STEWART, WHAT IS THE BEST SANDWICH?
>> OH, JEEZ -- >> Stephen: WE'RE NOT PLAYING
HERE.
>> YOU CAN'T ANSWER IT IN TERMS OF A PARTICULAR SANDWICH.
THE BEST SANDWICH IS ONE THAT UNDERSTANDS THE
BREAD-TO-INGREDIENT RATIO AND DOES NOT -- SO I CAN'T SAY TO
YOU -- >> Stephen: YOU CAN'T DO A
HOAGIE?
>> CAN'T DO A HOAGIE?
ARE YOU AN AMERICAN?
OF COURSE YOU CAN DO A HOAGIE.
>> Stephen: THAT'S A BIG BUN, MAN.
>> IT'S NOT A BIG -- STEPHEN, HAVE YOU HAD A SANDWICH?
WHAT KIND OF -- >> Stephen: I'VE HAD A FEW.
OKAY.
WHETHER IT BE A PO BOY, A HOAGIE, KAISER, MUFFULETTA, IT
DOESN'T MATTER.
WHAT MATTERS IS THE RATIO OF INGREDIENT TO BREAD AND THE
ADDITION OF YOUR LIQUIDITY, WHETHER IT BE A CONDIMENT OR --
>> Stephen: A PICKLE, I'D SAY.
A PICKLE IS -- I MEAN, THAT'S A BOLD ADDITION.
WHAT'S NICE ABOUT THE PICKLE IS YOU'RE GETTING A FLAVOR
ADDITION, BUT ALSO A TEXTURAL JOLT, IF YOU WILL.
>> Stephen: SURE.
THAT BREAKS IN.
SO WHAT HAPPENS IS YOUR MOUTH COMES THROUGH THE BREAD
GENERALLY FRESH, SOMEWHAT SOFT.
SO IN YOUR MIND YOU'RE, LIKE, OH, I'VE GOT THIS.
>> Stephen: SURE.
BUT THEN YOU HIT THAT MOTHER ( BLEEP ) PICKLE.
AAAHHH!
AND IT'S -- HELLO!
I WANT IN!
AND YOU'VE GOT TO REALLY WORK, AND WHEN YOU GET THROUGH, IT
BURSTS AND YOU JUST -- SO WHAT WAS THE QUESTION?
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: QUESTION TWO.
ALL RIGHT.
>> Stephen: WHAT IS THE PERCENTAGE -- PERCENTAGE OF
BREAD TO INGREDIENT?
>> YES.
SO IT'S GOT TO BE -- I THINK YOUR RANGE IS 65 TO 75%
INGREDIENT.
>> Stephen: THIS IS CORRECT.
THIS IS CORRECT.
WHAT'S THE ONE THING YOU OWN THAT YOU REALLY SHOULD THROW
OUT?
>> EVERYTHING I WEAR.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: WHAT IS THE
SCARIEST ANIMAL?
>> OH, OKAY, THIS IS INTERESTING.
SCARIEST ANIMAL.
>> Stephen: YEAH.
O IT'S GOT TO BE AN ANIMAL, A LAND ANIMAL, CAN'T BE
SOMETHING FROM THE SEA.
>> Stephen: ANIMALS IN THE SEA ARE STILL ANIMALS, JON.
>> NO, THEY'RE NOT.
>> Stephen: THEY'RE NOT ROBOTS.
>> THEY'RE FISH.
>> Stephen: FISH ARE ANIMALS.
NO, I DON'T THINK SO.
>> Stephen: AREN'T FISH ANIMALS?
>> YEAH!
>> Stephen: THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN.
>> I DISAGREE.
>> Stephen: SO A SHARK IS NOT SCARY?
>> NO, IT IS, BECAUSE -- SO HERE'S THE PROBLEM WITH A SHARK
AND THE PROBLEM WITH FISH IN GENERAL, IT'S THE MEDIUM IN
WHICH THEY TRAVEL BECAUSE EVERYTHING IS SCARY WHEN YOU
HAVE NO VISIBILITY.
YOU KNOW WHAT I JUST REALIZED?
I'M JUST A CRAZY OLD MAN OFF THE STREET.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: OKAY.
I GOT A GLIMPSE OF ME ON THE CAMERA AND ALL OF A SUDDEN I
WAS, LIKE, DIDN'T I GIVE THAT GUY MONEY THE OTHER DAY RIGHT
OUTSIDE THE WEST THIRD STREET SUBWAY STATION?
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: LAND ANIMAL,
WHAT'S THE SCARIEST ANIMAL.
I ASKED YOU, SIR, AT LONG LAST WOULD YOU NOT ANSWER MY
( BLEEP ) QUESTION?
WHAT IS THE SCARIEST ANIMAL, JON STEWART?
>> GIVE ME TIME?
>> Stephen:IVE GIVEN YOU A LOT OF TIME.
>> I'M GOING TO SAY A CAT.
>> Stephen: NOT JUST A CAT, A TIGER, NOT A CAT.
WHY IS IT TERRIFYING?
>> BECAUSE THE TIGER IS NOT IN YOUR HOUSE.
THE CAT IS A KILLING MACHINE.
>> Stephen: I FORGET THE PREMISE OF THIS QUESTION IS THAT
YOU NEVER LEAVE YOUR HOUSE, SO NOTHING CAN BE TERRIFYING TO YOU
UNLESS IT'S ACTUALLY INSIDE.
>> THAT'S CORRECT.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
AND AND I WOULD NEVER LET A TIGER OR A PANTHER IN THE HOUSE.
IT'S WHAT I SAID TO MY WIFE, MY WIFE, ANIMAL RESCUER, LOVES
ANIMALS BUT I HAVE DRAWN THE LINE AT PREDATORS.
WE NEED TO RESCUE A SHEEP, GOAT, PIG.
THAT'S FINE.
I'M WAITING TO COME HOME ONE DAY AND THERE'S A PUMA IN THE
GARAGE.
( LAUGHTER ) THAT'S DISALLOWED.
CAT, KILLING MACHINE, IT WILL MURDER ALL OVER THE NEIGHBORHOOD
AND IT WILL BRING IT TO YOU AND PUT IT ON YOUR BED AS IF TO SAY
YOU BETTER KEEP (BLEEP) FEEDING ME OR I WILL RIP YOU TO SHREDS.
>> Stephen: GOT IT.
CATS -- LET ME SAY THIS -- AND THESE PEOPLE KNOW.
THESE PEOPLE AREN'T FOOLS.
THEY KNOW THE CAT IS THE SCARIEST.
I SAID IT AND IT WAS A LAUGHTER OF RECOGNITION.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: WHEN WE COME BACK,
JON STEWART TELL US US WHAT SONG HE WOULD LISTEN TO FOR THE REST
OF HIS LIFE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪