I actually did go to a BDSM club once.
And it was the most horrific experience ever.
Aw.
I just ended up hanging out by the buffet,
the entire night.
I'm eating chicken,
and then I look to my left,
somebody's getting a b**w job by the chicken.
I think it just gets rid
of all that bulls**t doesn't it?
I'm generally quite honest.
So this really works for me actually.
The love of my life, obviously.
I would describe myself as kinky.
Like, I'm pretty wild, so they have to be cool with that.
[MARIA] Hey, I'm Maria. [BEN] How you doing, you okay?
Nice to meet you.
Actually, we could go for a hug if you want?
I am actually a hugger.
Oh, fantastic. There you go. Cool.
Nice. I love your tattoos by the way.
Thank you.
Very cool.
Thank you.
The burning question.
Are you a Tory?
Ooh.
Dur-dur-dah
No.
Yay.
But I'm not Labour either.
Okay.
There was a brief period of time where I did go both ways.
So when I was young, I was very much liberal,
and then there was a time,
which is where I did go more onto right-wing kind of side.
Okay.
[MAIRA] Wow. [BEN] And I just like-
Well how did that happen?
Mostly to do with like the, the pandemic?
I think, cause I used to be the same.
I used to be like, "Oh no, these guys are horrible,"
and you know, but when you actually speak to them,
it's more just about having less government interference.
The far left is just as problematic as the far right.
And the far right is just problematic as the far left.
I want everybody to, you know-
Let's just all make love.
Let's just all make love!
It’ll be like the 60s and the 70s.
Exactly.
I am like, you know, I-
Peace, love, unity.
Exactly, exactly, yeah. Exactly.
I can tell by your outfit, you've already started.
So, you know, what about yourself?
Well, that would be a deal breaker for me,
if someone was a Tory.
I just don't agree with their policies.
I don't agree with inequality.
And I mean, my whole philosophy is,
people need to get back to the roots.
They need to get back to, yes, I'm a hippie.
[MARIA] They need to get back to, like [BEN] That's fine. Express it.
small communities,
people helping each other out.
I don't believe in politics either.
I think that it's just a way of dividing people,
and a way to essentially create tension between people.
Yeah I agree with you on that.
I mean, it all stems from the monarchy,
I'm not going to get into a rant.
Yeah. I hate the UK anyway, so.
Yeah.
How many guys have you slept with?
Oh, okay.
Actually, really,
not that many.
Okay.
How many do you think I've slept with?
Oh my God.
I think, I'm going to say a good...
Maybe like under 10, under 15?
Well, yeah, close.
So I've slept with like 19 guys.
19 guys. There you go.
Well guys and girls, cause I'm bi.
Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Do you write that down or like,
do you actually have like a number?
I did, at one point, once start keeping score,
so I did.
I did. I mean,
but how many people have you slept with?
Too many.
Really?
I...
Yeah, I know, shock to me as well.
I've actually lost track.
Wow.
But I, I know, it's shocking for me.
[MAIRA] At university? [BEN] Shocking!
It’s shocking. In my younger days, in my younger days.
And there was definitely a point,
which is where I was like,
"Yeah, I want like huge numbers, you know,
I want to be like the alpha male guy.
I want to have f**ked like a hundred girls.
But then, I dunno, in the past couple of years,
it's kind of like, this is just totally meaningless.
And I kind of feel a bit hollow,
[MAIRA] Aw, okay. [BEN] from doing all of this,
and doing that.
And I don't feel too good.
Well, I'm quite spiritual.
And I believe in like energy transference.
And like when you basically sleep with someone,
you're kind of taking on their energy.
And if the interaction is very much empty,
and devoid of feeling or emotion,
you will feel empty afterwards.
You’ll feel like something has been taken from you.
I mean like, I'm not,
Like I'm not a spiritual person, by the way.
At all.
But I do think that there is some truth to that.
Having sex with large volumes of people-
Yeah.
will have a psychological effect on you.
Like, it 100% will.
My next question was,
are you kinky or vanilla?
Vanilla? I mean, it's like pasty skin vanilla.
Yeah!
I fall, probably,
I fall probably in between.
In between? Okay, yeah.
I dunno, I mean like
Like, I like a bit of, I guess, rough play.
Masks freak me out.
Masks?
Yeah. Any thing like masked.
Okay.
Gimps and stuff.
BDSM?
I actually did go to a BDSM club
[MARIA] Good. [BEN] once...
and it was the most horrific experience ever.
Aw.
No one wanted to f**k me.
Aw.
So no one wanted to f**k me.
And I just ended up walking around,
while everyone's having sex.
I'm walking around in the tightest trousers,
I've ever had, in my entire f**king life.
Yeah, was it PVC?
Yeah, yeah.
I just ended up hanging out by the buffet,
the entire night,
Aw, bless you.
Well, yeah, you say that.
I'm eating chicken and then I look to my left,
somebody’s getting a b**w job by the chicken.
And I'm just like
I’m like, well...
Yeah.
Nah-nah, so, okay.
So, the buffet's off the table,
sex is off the table.
I think I just went home.
Oh okay, so you had a bad experience.
Bad experience.
Sad times.
What about yourself? Are you?
Yeah,
I like to kind of dip my toes in all of that.
I think it's really exciting.
And I find it a break from the everyday mundane life.
I think that kinks,
are something to be explored within people.
I mean, you know, Fraud,
you've heard about everything he said and how it works.
Fraud?
Sigmund Fraud.
Freud.
Freud. Oh, God yeah,
no, Sigmund Freud, sorry.
He may be a fraud, but...
Well, he would talk about our subconscious desires,
and why people are attracted to certain things.
And I think it's interesting.
I like being quite dominant.
You like being dominant.
Yeah.
Okay. Okay.
Like, it's fun. It's, you know,
mixes it up a little bit.
When you just have vanilla sex,
it's just so boring.
Kinks are just a way to explore.
It doesn't have to be,
you can be kinky, but without being like,
going to a sex club, like you-
Oh yeah, 100%, yeah, of course.
Which I think is good.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just like, you know, spice things up a bit.
You've got to keep it interesting.
Yeah, of course. You've always got to keep it interesting.
Yeah.
How much porn do you watch?
How much porn do I watch?
Yeah.
I actually don't watch that much.
I'm very much a do it in person, kind of thing.
If I'm feeling, like, horny,
I am not really going to go to sites.
I feel like porn can be quite addictive,
so it's best to just like, you know,
self-pleasure and do things that are like... is real,
because a lot of it is quite forced.
Do you watch a lot of porn?
Um, a bit.
Sadly.
Yeah.
Maybe? I don't know, as a girl,
but I think as a guy,
you are introduced to sex very early on.
Yeah.
Like these days,
I have friends that would take the piss out of me,
because I didn't know what a butt plug was,
stuff like that,
Yeah.
At the age of like 14, 15.
And then of course, I'm just like,
"Oh no, I don't want to seem stupid.
I'm going to go research what a butt plug is".
A lot of guys have said this to me.
Like they felt like peer pressured into it, almost.
I think it's all kind of like a need to grow up,
really, really quickly.
So I think that's where it comes from.
But again, not very happy with how much porn I watch.
Oh, okay.
Okay. Cool, this is going to expose me.
This is like similar to what we're talking about,
but would you be with someone who has an OnlyFans?
The silence.
I don't think so.
Really?
Sadly.
I don't think so.
I kind of like, you know,
I don't really want other guys staring at my girl,
or like, like
wanking off, or like,
Yeah.
It's like a private thing for me.
So, would you say that you wouldn't be open
to explore polyamory or, like,
No.
[MARIA] those types of relationships? [BEN] No, no.
Okay, yeah.
But don't you think that like
people, like humans,
are just naturally attracted to other people,
and why should they just have to be with one person
for the rest of their life?
Is that realistic?
I've known people to go into
polyamorous relationships and stuff.
And my experience, by what I've seen,
it's never worked out.
There's always at least one person,
that is just so, so not happy.
Yeah.
Are you an OnlyFans?
I do have OnlyFans. Yes.
Yeah. Okay.
And there is a liberation in expressing yourself,
and being who you want to be,
and doing what you want to do.
And then it kind of goes back in with polyamory,
I want the freedom to be able to express myself,
and the freedom to be able to do what I want.
If I'm honest, I think polyamory is like the easy option.
Okay.
I think it's a lot harder,
to go, okay, like I'm attracted to this person,
but I care for this person,
and I don't want to disappoint this person.
I want to show my loyalty to this person.
It's about putting the other person before yourself.
Will this date end in sex?
I’m blushing.
Um.
No.
Yeah yeah, that's fine.
[MARIA] Yeah. [BEN] That's fine. That's fine.
No.
No, obviously.
I think the only reason I asked that question was because
when I'm on a date, or a guy's on a date,
the thing that I'm definitely thinking is like,
is this date gonna end in sex?
It's a horrible thought,
totally shallow,
I hate the fact that I think it,
but it is the thought that creeps into my mind.
Um.
I think you're an interesting person,
but you are not my type. Sadly.
and you seem like a lovely person-
Aw thank you.
But unfortunately,
I don't think that I would go on another date with you.
Yeah, that's fair.
That's fine. That's fine.
Sound like everyone I've ever loved!
Aw.
No-no, I'm only joking.
Um, I would say the same.
Oh, okay!
But I think you're lovely, I really do.
Oh, thank you.
He seemed like a nice guy.
I wasn't attracted him, to put it bluntly.
I thought she was really sweet, actually.
I didn't agree with her,
but I thought she was really sweet.
I think he's the kind of guy that is like,
just thinking about, I mean he even admitted.
He was like, "Yeah. So, when are we going to have sex?"
like, on the date,
and fair enough to him, this is, you know, about honesty,
but it's just like,
okay, so that's really what you're thinking about?
No.