SCP-5991 jesus yums me | object class: keter
Item #: SCP-5991
Object Class: Keter
Special Containment Procedures: Due to the widespread prevalence of Christianity, SCP-5991
cannot be contained.
However, the chances of SCP-5991's activation requirements being achieved are low and thus
unlikely to happen.
On 15/2/2026, "The Edwards-Francis Agreement" was passed with the Vatican government, which
states that the bindings of all published Christian Bibles must contain 2ml of honey
in order to prevent SCP-5991 from occurring.
As per standard Foundation protocol, unauthorized information regarding SCP-5991 and its triggers
is to be removed, and amnestics are to be administered as appropriate.
Description: SCP-5991 is an anomalous phenomenon that triggers whenever a human successfully
consumes an entire Christian Bible.
While the subject may consume the Bible using utensils such as forks or knives, SCP-5991
will not trigger if the subject consumes a Bible as well as another substance, such as
condiments.
When a subject consumes a Bible, an entity will manifest in front of them, referred to
as SCP-5991-1.
SCP-5991-1 is a pale, emaciated entity with no orifices besides its mouth.
SCP-5991-1 has no teeth, does not possess eye sockets nor eyes, and is wearing a crown
of thorns.
SCP-5991-1 will approach the subject and unhinge its own jaw.
SCP-5991-1 will then violently shove the subject down its throat and into its stomach, which
is noted to be much larger than SCP-5991-1 on the inside.
SCP-5991-1's stomach is approximately 8 km2 in size.
Once the subject is consumed by SCP-5991-1, they will land on a wooden boardwalk which
is built on a floor comprised of biological tissue of unknown composition.
Subjects are able to freely exit the stomach by pressing a large, pulsating orange sac
located behind where the subject lands.
This will cause the sac to spray an orange gas which, when inhaled by the subject, will
render them unconscious.
When the subject wakes up after approximately 2-3 hours, they will find themselves in the
same place where SCP-5991-1 consumed them.
The boardwalk extends to the middle of the stomach, which contains a plaza constructed
out of marble.
In the center of the stomach is an entity with the same appearance as SCP-5991-1, hereafter
referred to as SCP-5991-2, reading from a small empty scroll while sitting on a wooden
stool.
Several broken steel chains surround SCP-5991-2 which hook into SCP-5991-1's stomach lining.
Small metal cuffs can be seen around SCP-5991-2's wrists.
SCP-5991-2 does not respond to any external stimuli.
Surrounding SCP-5991-2 and the plaza are twelve buildings, which all thematically revolve
around SCP-5991-2.
SCP-5991-1's stomach contains a:
Visitor's center Gift shop
Restroom Petting zoo
Church Food court
Museum The buildings are all themed around referring
to SCP-5991-2 as "Jesus Christ."
The visitor's center contains a desk and a 2004 Dell desktop computer.
Inside the desk are several piles of pamphlets which contain information regarding activities
to do when visiting SCP-5991-1's stomach.
Additionally, the pamphlets advertise being able to take a picture with SCP-5991-2 for
20 dollars per picture.
Several documents detailing an "Umbrella Protocol" in regards to an unknown event can be found,
which describe previous evacuation attempts of persons inside the stomach.
The gift shop is mostly empty but contains several SCP-5991-2-themed memorabilia, including
stuffed dolls, children's books, figurines, and posters.
A total of $344.44 can be found within the cash register.
The children's books describe events that never occurred within the Old or New Testaments,
and instead describe SCP-5991-2 as a malevolent being that was turned to good through "the
light of God."
Several inscriptions are carved within the walls of the bathroom written primarily in
either English, Spanish, or Latin.
Examples of these messages include "hello", "jenny wuz here", "sittin in a tree", "fuck
the world", and "help" in the previously mentioned languages.
The petting zoo contains five large pens presumably built to hold farm animals, but which are
completely empty.
In the corner of one of the pens, a large pile containing approximately 50 kg of animal
feces can be found.
Analysis of the feces suggests that the animal that created it was fed a diet consisting
solely of sacramental bread and red wine.
The church is unfinished, only consisting of a small sparsely decorated chapel.
Nothing else of interest can be found.
The food court contains 40 different tables, each with five chairs.
The menu describes food that can be expected from a standard fair or carnival, such as
hotdogs, burgers, corn dogs, popcorn, etc.
The menu describes a dairy item which resembles an ice cream cone with a scoop of vanilla
and a scoop of chocolate ice cream.
The vanilla scoop is shaped in a way as to resemble SCP-5991-2 and the chocolate scoop
is shaped as to resemble a crown of thorns.
The freezer inside the kitchen has been locked from the inside.
The museum shows Babylonian artifacts as well as several dinosaur skeletons of unknown species.
All the plaques have been forcefully removed, and as such further information cannot be
gathered.
As the subject enters SCP-5991-1's stomach, a large banner can be seen attached to the
ceiling of the stomach, which reads:
50th Anniversary of JesusLand!
Enjoy the perfect Christian experience with the Lord!
Select items in Gift Shop now 50% off until January 17th.
See visitor center for more information.
It is to be noted that SCP-5991-1's stomach has been abandoned for an unknown amount of
time.