- [Amanda] Ooh, wow.
Do you remember your last crush?
Maybe you have a crush right now.
They can fill you with both the elation
when you see them or a nervous anxiety.
Whatever the right words are
to describe how they make you feel,
one thing is for certain.
What your crush does or says
carries serious emotional weight with you.
Since there's so much emotional investment,
sometimes even the most confident of us
have insecurities and don't seize the day
when the opportunity presents itself.
Even worse is when those insecurities
actively push this person away.
And we may not even know it.
Give me a break, right?
"We're already nervous," so let us help you out.
Here are a few actions you may not realize
are pushing your crush away.
Number one, ignoring them.
Sounds counterintuitive, right?
If you like someone, why would you ice them out?
Perhaps on the surface,
you justify it as playing hard to get,
but underneath, you are really trying
to protect yourself from a rejection
you've convinced yourself is going to happen.
If your insecurity is screaming,
"They would never like the real you,"
you can figure if you're crush sees you,
they can't hurt you.
Hold up, this isn't good.
Have you ever been hurt
or upset by someone who seems to be dodging you
at every corner or ignoring you,
even when they're right next to you?
It's like being ghosted to your face.
This is what you're doing to your crush.
Leaving them constantly hanging
or pretending they don't exist
can be rather harmful
and may give them trust issues in the future.
Trust us, you are not invisible.
It is likely they notice the in-person ghosting,
they don't have a reason for it,
so they're deeply disturbed as to why
this person seems to despise them.
If you've ever been ignored yourself,
you understand how much this hurts.
So you now have the power
to stop hurting someone else.
We're not saying that you have to glomp onto them
with romantic poetry in hand
the next time you see them,
but all it takes is being friendly
and open to getting to know them
so you can let them know how you feel.
Number two, nagging and insulting them.
So a piece of advice,
don't listen to those pick-up artist tips.
Especially ignore the one about negging,
where something specific to the person
is negated or insulted.
The reason often given is that either
this will make you look superior
so the other person will want you more.
Or for defense, through preemptive attacking.
We don't know about you,
but this sounds a lot more
like one person making an effort
to hurt the other person.
The insults are emotionally
and mentally scarring the individual.
Knowing this, is the belief
that you're protecting yourself from hurt
that may or may not even happen
a truly justifiable reason for traumatizing
the very person you like?
Engaging in insults is perpetuating
patterns of abuse that continue to hurt
not only others but yourself as well.
It might be confusing if your crush
and their friends insult each other to bond,
but they have an understanding
of where the line is
and connect differently to them than you.
Starting with kindness and respect
is always a good way to take that step forward
to developing a bond
and understanding where the line is.
Number three, deflecting their advances.
You're not playing tennis.
If your crush compliments you or makes advances
and do you respond with an overhead smash,
they're not gonna return the volley.
This is a game, set, match,
where your win might actually be a loss.
We get it.
What if it's scary or you feel not quite ready
for them to get close to you?
That's still no reason to deflect
their actions hurtfully.
If the deflection is rough,
they can feel belittled.
Worse, you could come off
as condescending and cruel.
So you'd be sabotaging yourself.
To avoid this damage,
you could try simply meeting them halfway.
Instead of knocking away their offer
of how they think or feel,
make a matching offer of your own.
You can give your own perspective
and make clear what your intentions
or feelings are.
Number four, teasing too much.
Ah, yes, the magical concept of balance
is at play here.
Teasing can be fun,
and it's not unusual to tease those you like.
If it's light and good-natured,
it can help relieve tension,
show you're comfortable
and confident around your crush
and even open up conversation.
There's always a point of too much though,
and then it gets ugly.
Exercise that self-awareness
and looking at the situation as a whole.
If there's been too much
or an overload of teasing,
it becomes annoying, or worse, bullying.
If you're not careful
or so wrapped up in teasing,
you may land on a subject
that is sensitive to your crush.
And if you're always teasing and joking,
the other person feels they don't know you
because nothing you do or say
seems to be taken seriously.
A sense of humor is great,
but successful teasing requires empathy
so that it doesn't morph into humiliation
or being demeaning.
A healthy relationship
requires all parties within
to have some reasonable level of self-confidence,
as the previous points have shown
how overwhelming insecurities
can torpedo the whole thing.
In the end, why wouldn't you
give yourself the best chance possible
to get to know this person
you've been crushing on?
Communicate and take the time
to get to know them.
You might even find out
you don't have a crush
on them anymore after this.
Have you noticed yourself
or someone else doing any of these signs
stated in this video?
Do you have a crush right now
and kinda wanna say something?
Feel free to comment below
and give us a like.
Catch you next time.