The Men's Mental Health Crisis (10 Brutal Truths You Can't Ignore)
[0:00:00] So, I think
I was 14 years old when I first had suicidal thoughts. I remember being at home, alone, near
the washing machine looking at a bottle of bleach and wondering, if I drink this would it kill me?
Now, let me be clear, I have never attempted suicide, but I definitely
have been through periods of prolonged depression that had me thinking about it.
Now, I know for me looking back, one of the reasons I contemplated taking my own life is
because I felt trapped. I didn’t feel like I had any real friends. The people I hang out with at
school bullied me all the time. I hated my body, I was super skinny, and I just felt like no matter
what I did I couldn’t put on any muscle. And I was always embarrassed by the fact
that we never had money. We never had funds. We never could do anything. And I just was so upset
with just simply my life and the way I live. And, gentlemen, I’m sharing the story with you
not because I want you to feel bad for me, but because I want you to better understand yourself
as a man and how we deal with depression. You see, in preparation with this video,
I did a lot of research and I found this really interesting study that I’ve never seen anyone
talk about. It is about how men and women react very differently whenever serotonin is blocked.
In a nutshell, they had two different groups, men and women and both of them had gone through
depression and overcome it. Well, they spiked their drinks and it affected their brains,
so it couldn’t absorb serotonin. And they wanted to see how these people
would react. Well, women, not surprisingly couldn’t control their emotions and just
started to sob about issues and things that happened in their life even years before.
The guys, nothing, except for their actions. They wanted to get out,
they wanted to escape. One guy was demanding to go to the bar across the street to drink. The point,
when most guys are dealing with mental issues, they don’t seek help. They seek escape. And that’s
why almost 80% of suicides that permanent solution to a temporary problem are committed by men.
Let’s look at substance abuse when it comes to dealing with issues. Men,
three to one are going to turn to a substance whether it’d be alcohol, whether it’d be drugs
to be able to deal with issues versus women. And even though it’s believed that men and women
suffer depression at the same rate, twice as many women are diagnosed because they actually seek
help. Men, they don’t seek help, they just die. Well, in today’s video, gents, let’s see if we can
do something about this. That’s why we’re talking about the brutal truths that you need to know when
it comes to the men’s mental health crisis. [Music]
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that’s betterhelp.com/realmenrealstyle. Down in the description of today’s video, I got the
best deal for you you’re going to find on the web. Now, gents, in that intro, I hit on three brutal
truths. Really quick, let me summarize them. Suicide, every 20 minutes, you got a guy killing
himself, three to four-to-one odds with women. And I think that suicide in general,
we as a society could do more to stop any suicide. But, with men, it just seems like
we’re not even paying attention here. Next up, substance abuse, three, again,
four-to-one odds here, guys are just turning to a substance – drugs, alcohol,
you name whatever it is, we’re finding a way to basically just numb the pain.
And let’s talk about diagnosis going and seeing doctors. The vast majority of men are afraid, they
don’t want to go out there and talk to anyone. And let’s talk about that in more detail. The
fact that men are not being diagnose for depression, we are not, you know, when it
comes to suicide, it’s not being stopped. Why? Now, part of that you could say is conditioning as
men were told to hold it in, to be a man to, you know, man up, not to show any type of feelings,
don’t cry, that kind of stuff. All that is definitely part of the problem, but another part
is that men are often misdiagnosed. [0:05:03]
That irritability, that anger, that frustration, maybe that little bit of, yeah, you blowing your
top, that is a symptom in many cases for men that they are depressed. I mean, when you look at the
symptoms of depressed men, they oftentimes include higher risk taking, again, substance abuse. You’re
going to see them aggressive, acting out. And is this diagnosis depression? No,
it’s just simply being as a guy that simply can’t handle his feelings. On top of that,
where can a man go? Seriously, with this mental health crisis, another brutal truth is that men
have no place to express themselves. Yeah, you go to a college campus,
there are tons of safe zones for women and I’m not saying that’s a bad thing. But, if
you look for something for men, yeah, good luck. Now, you can argue that, okay, these safe spaces,
these places that men can go talk about mental issues, they welcome all people. But,
if you look at the techniques, they are actually designed more for women.
I mean, a lot of these places they’re designed to actually prescribe you medication or talk
psychotherapy versus with men, we oftentimes want to take action. We want to be doing something. We
don’t want to talk in a room about this, we actually want to work with somebody
or to engage with, you know, somebody that actually is, yeah, it just feels right to us.
Again, as I was doing the research for this video, it actually made a lot of sense to me.
I know I would be attracted to sessions that are just simply shorter. I don’t want to go spend an
hour or two hours talking with somebody. I – maybe I’ll talk about it for 15 to 20 minutes,
but then I want to take action. I want to get out there and do something to fix the problem.
Another type of therapy that men are really open to is actually spending time outdoors.
And this is maybe why so many of us actually just like to throw a backpack on and go hiking,
getting out in the woods, camping. This is a form of therapy, but it’s not one
that we can easily find as, you know, guys going out there. It’s something that we should seek.
And, by the way, another type of therapy that I read about that a lot of men just
absolutely love and I hundred percent agree with is music therapy. Yeah,
I know for me just simply going back and listening to some of my favorite music and making time for
that. That’s maybe why going to the gym I really reserve that time for my music and I just love it.
But, it’s also maybe getting back to an instrument. I grew up playing the piano. I hated
it when I was a kid, but, man, it’s kind of cool to be able to sit down and play some old songs.
And, definitely, it feels good to be able to go in there and maybe be able to build something,
again, being able to work with your hands. This type of therapy for a lot of men is
simply being able to go work with wood. You’ve got to find what works for you,
but this is something that in many ways our society isn’t set up to encourage men to do
to be able to seek help through these modalities. Now, this next brutal truth is one I think a lot
of guys can identify with and they don’t have a community that they can lean on. They don’t have
a group of guys, they don’t have people that they can count on to be able to speak with, to
be able to engage with when they need their help. I’m fortunate, I look at I’ve got communities of,
you know, when I was in the Marine Corps. I can always call back on certain marines. Back
in college, I was in a fraternity that was a little bit extreme and great group of guys,
I can always reach out to. And I’ve had worked over the
last 15 years to develop my own community of business owners and entrepreneurs that it’s
more than just talking business, we find that we just talk about life, we talk about the issues,
we talk about the pressures, the problems. But, most men lose touch with their college
friends or their high school friends, the people they used to have because so many of us are so bad
at continuing to build those relationships. We get into a long term relationship, a marriage,
and we’re told, hey, no, focus in on your family, neglect those relationships.
Guys, I’m here to tell you those relationships are so important and you need to make sure you
don’t give up on them, that you continue to, yeah, nurture those relationships because you’re
going to need them more as you get older. And that takes me to this next point which
it seems our culture society in general seems to be declaring war on masculinity,
trying to make it something negative. When I hear the word, toxic masculinity,
I think most people here just simply being lazy. They haven’t actually
thought through what masculinity truly is. And on a side note, yes, I am aware that
some people use the word because they’re attacking masculinity in of itself. I mean,
the reality is if you look at a classic masculine man, what is he? He’s going to be strong,
he’s going to be courageous, he’s going to be independent, and he’s going to be a leader.
I mean, how can that in pretty much any form be toxic? I mean, if I were to describe a
guy as abusive, over confident, foolhardy, a dictator, that has nothing to do with masculinity.
Now, I’m not even going to pretend to be able to talk about this subject in the same way that Brett
McKay or Jordan Peterson can. But, what I will say is I do feel that society has somehow put
masculinity as the enemy which is a big mistake. Masculinity and masculine men are a great thing
for women, for men, for the world as a whole. [0:09:56]
The next brutal truth about the mental health crisis is that men are lonely, incredibly lonely.
A lot of people think, oh, these incels, these guys, they just want sex, they just want women.
That’s not true. A lot of guys just simply want somebody to love, to love them. They just miss
that, they haven’t had a hug, they -- for years. And I know you guys are out there and it’s just
something that, you know, I know I’m in a position where I am very fortunate I have a woman that we
built our family and a relationship and, you know, it’s taken us 20 years to build what we have.
But, I know that there are so many men out there that want to find that with somebody,
with some group. And the good news is that you can still start. Maybe it’s not going to be what you
envisioned, maybe it’s not going to be what your parents want, maybe it’s not going to be exactly
what you thought you wanted. But, here’s the thing is you can start taking steps in that direction.
One of the easiest ways is to, you know, join clubs. Okay. So, we – it is freezing cold outside
and I’ve had to stop this video a couple of times because there are snow mobiles shooting by.
Snow mobile clubs, I’ll tell you, it is so funny seeing these guys get together, but they love each
other and they have so much great times getting together, bringing together a diverse group.
Some other crazy thing that people do up here in the colds in Wisconsin, they go curling,
which is I still have not found why they do this, but a lot of people seem to love it.
There is cross country skiing. I can see that one actually great exercise. Downhill skiing
if you’re a little bit more adventurous. Log rolling, yes, I didn’t even know this
existed ‘til I found a group that kept meeting up on Wednesdays up at my pool. And I have to admit,
it looked fun and I got my kids into it. Or maybe you’ve got something to teach. I know some of you
guys maybe wrestled, you were football players. Guys, check with your local teams. Yes,
you’re going to have to go through a background check, but I know locally here in small town USA,
they are starving for coaches especially, you know, middle school, elementary. I mean,
a lot of people parents are just super busy. I get it, you may not have kids, but you can
form relationships, you can form groups just simply by being there for others.
Here’s another crazy out there idea. So, maybe you’re into saving the environment,
well, check out this aquaponics. I went to this farm the other day, blew me away. And what was
really cool about this, you know, besides the fish feeding the plants, plants feeding the fish,
this whole system they have got here is how small scale you can get this going.
Guess what? You start getting into this, you start talking and building a network a club
of other people that want to do this that want to talk about this, get together share
information. Next thing you know, you’ve got this whole group of people that are crazy about
aquaponics. You’re saving the world, you’re saving the environment, you’re saving your
local community, and you’re saving yourself. If you’re lonely, gents, know that you’re
not alone. And all you have to do is start taking a step towards other lonely people,
other people that want to connect and you are going to be surprised to how many people
simply start taking a step towards you as well. The next brutal truth when it comes to men’s
mental health is that social media is doing us no favors. Yes, there are some benefits,
but in general, the net for most guys is negative. I highly advise you delete the app.
If you can’t do that, then hide them on your phone. Find a way to spend less time on your
phone, to actually be interacting with people. Gents, you’ve probably heard this before, but if
you’re not paying for the product, most likely you are the product when it comes to Facebook,
when it comes to Instagram, when it comes to Twitter, any of that stuff.
It is about exciting you to stay on there to be addicted to engage, so they can gather information
about you. And the stories, the information that you’re reading about over there on Reddit,
I know I had the Reddit app for awhile. I was – I had to get rid of that thing because
it wasn’t about reality on Reddit, it was about what upset us, what about ga – people. It’s about
the extremes. And that’s all Reddit was doing was feeding into those extremes and people going on
there not sharing that they day was good, that was average, they had a nice meal with some friends.
No, none of that. That doesn’t go anywhere. No, if you want to get engagement, you want to get
the likes, you want to get the thumbs up, then you need to put on something that really offends,
really upsets, incites people. And what gets us excited? Well,
I don’t know about you, but when I see something that I vehemently disagree with, oh,
I got to jump in there and prove to this person who I don’t know who probably doesn’t care about
me at all, I got to prove that they’re wrong. Whenever I see a comment – and that’s why I stay
out of usually the YouTube comments because, man, there could be some nastiness in there.
We also get crazy, we get excited when we see something that confirms what we
believe and that’s what Reddit and all these other social media platforms are
doing is they’re getting us to engage because they make money off our engagement. They make
money when we spend time on that platform. Now, these next two, I didn’t really see
talked about much, but I do feel that they’re contributing to the mental health crisis of
men and that is virtual work and the way that we react whenever we lose our job.
So, first up, virtual work. I feel that in many ways it’s [dehumatizing] a lot of situations
because you’re not engaging with people. If you’ve got people working under you and I – I’ve got a
team and I found that whenever I don’t ever meet with a contractor who’s doing a job for me – this
is real human being over there that you’re building out a website or something – I don’t
think of them like a human. [0:14:58]
And I don’t mean to be bad or vindictive or anything, you’re just simply I’m busy
on the other side of the world working on my project and I’m not treating them
with the respect I would if they were in my office, if we were seeing them face-to-face.
It’s very – I mean, this one I get that it’s a great thing global work overall. I wouldn’t
have been able to create my company if I wasn’t able to work with people in the Philippines,
Ukraine, Czech Republic, Croatia, all, you know, England, all the different places
I’ve got people that work with me in my companies. But, it is something I feel in many situations
especially if you’re doing grunt work or work that don’t even virtually, you know,
meet with that person on Zoom a video call, it can feel very dehumanizing and people can
sometimes not even know realize they’re treating you like a cog in the system.
And I know that this can happen in physical in person, but I feel it’s – it’s definitely,
you know, it’s taken to a whole other level with virtual work. Anyone agree, disagree? I’d
love to hear from you down in the comments. But, let’s now talk about what happens when
a man is fired. So, there was this whole study talked about how men and women react
differently. And it’s controversial because I’ve seen other studies that have gone against this.
But, what I did read and it seems to be generally understood is that when a man
loses his job and I’ve see this with so many of my friends, they lose their job in their 40s,
some of them in their 50s, and they are aimless. They have lost their meaning, they have lost their
direction because for so many of us who we are is in many ways defined by what
we do. Right or wrong, we have attributed our meaning to our career, to our work,
to going in there being able to do a good job. And if you lose your job, if you got fired,
if you’re, you know, technology kind of replaces you, all of a sudden you find yourself adrift.
And I know many of you guys have had friends that this has happened to. And this is a big
deal because a lot of men never recover. And as a business owner, we’re no exception
because if our business fails, even if we sell it – I know, it sounds like a bad problem – you
get all these money for your business, but so many business owners I know, who have sold their
businesses go into depression because they’re like, what do I do with my life? They’ve got this
money, but they, yeah, just don’t know what to do. It sounds like a good problem, but it is,
you know, mental health, guys, you got to take care of what’s up here.
Now, what about dating? Well, a lot of guys, you know, they’ve been out
of the game for a while saying, oh, you know, just simply go out there and talk to women.
It’s not that easy. In fact, all the research I did, I can see why guys have stopped dating.
And that’s what I cover in this video right here. You want to go check this out,
I go into detail why so many men are just walking away from dating. It’s not even
worth it, they’re stepping out of the game. And I do give my tips and what I think,
you know, my thoughts on marriage and why, you know. Well, find out in this
video what they are, guys. It’s a good video, I enjoyed putting it together and,
yeah, it’s a good one. Go check it out, guys. Take care. And I’ll see you in the next video.
Yes, click on that video. [0:17:55] End of audio