hello there. you have all heard the sayings "there's a fine line between love and hate".
haters are just confused lovers.
our relationship is essentially a balancing act between love and hate.
the opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. and this goes on and on.
Why Love Turns Into Hate [subtitles using inown.org]
to no secretive people who experienced being loved by the very most sometimes become our most ardent haters.
to the extreme end of this just look at crimes of passion.
a husband who once showed love towards his wife kills her when she cheat on him.
a wife who once showed love towards her husband is anything she can't ruin his reputation among society.
divorce courts are absolutely filled across the world every day with people
who seem to have once loved each other but who now hate each other with ardent passion.
vibrationally speaking fear is in fact the opposite vibration of the vibration of love.
fear causes a separation and a closeness within the being.
if you look at hatred vibrationally speaking it somewhere more in the middle of vibrations.
hatred is the opposite of positive perception.
it is negative perception of and perspective about something.
at its core hatred is the result of feeling hurt by something and
therefore perceiving what hurt you as a threat against you.
you cannot perceive something as being a threat to you and not perceive it as different to you.
this is why when people perceive themselves as being a threat to themselves
they instantaneously perceive a split within themselves
where there's some other aspect of them are some demon within them that is against them.
it is also why when we say that we love and hate someone we can't actually do that.
what we have to do is to split them into different aspects so we can hate something of them and love something of them
as if it is two separate things under the same name that we are calling that person.
we learn about love from our earliest experiences of life.
it is not accurate to say that when somebody comes into this life and has a child
they instantly loved that child.
that's our assumption we love to say that we spread that belief like wildfire through society
we say "of course they love it, it's their child" not the case.
what is the case is that the minute that we have a child
the majority of us, there are some exceptions, feel attachment for that child.
we feel an attachment mentally, emotionally and even physically.
but those of you who have been into spirituality for any amount of time
are already know the difference between attachment
which is identification and love.
because society is absolutely ignorant to the concept of attachment
and the difference between attachment and love.
society loves to tell you that
the parents who love their children that very most are in fact the ones
who are the most attached to their children.
and the parents were the most attached and identified with their children
are often the ones who lack the most amount of unconditional love towards those children.
to this parent the child is nothing more than an extension of themselves.
they are loved based on the condition of carrying out the parents own boundaries wants,
need, likes, dislikes and values.
this is not love this is identification.
the parent is so identified with their child they will stop at nothing for the sake of their child.
we look at this and say "wow what a dedicated and wonderful parent. isn't that child lucky."
no is the answer. under the pretense of love their child
either becomes nothing more than a projection of them so as to stay loved or is rejected.
we need to stop calling things love when they are not in fact love.
there are a great many reasons to have a child.
a lot of those reasons may be conscious and a lot of them maybe subconscious.
what we are unwilling to admit to is that a lot of us
on a subconscious level if not conscious level we have the children in our lives
because it bolsters our self-esteem.
we are having our children because of something they do for us
something they give to us.
IE continue to bolster our own self-esteem we will experience love for that child.
but the minute the child begins to do or say things that invalidate us
IE withdraw from our self-esteem.
we will immediately perceive our own child as a threat to us.
we will feel as if the child is betraying and abandoning the connection we once had with them.
we will feel separate from the child and experience hatred towards our own child as a result.
but we already know that it is not acceptable to feel hatred towards our child so even when we do feel this emotion.
we deny, ignore, suppressed, reject this emotion.
we convince ourselves we don't feel it towards our childhood when we do.
this is especially common in the ages where a child is developing healthy individuation.
figuring out their own boundaries
such as the toddler and teen years.
now this is an issue because our child will have absolutely no concept why they suddenly fell out of favor with us.
they won't understand why they suddenly fell from grace?
why was it that they had this love? they had this connection. this attachment.
and now suddenly it's gone.
suddenly the parent is their antagonists.
now this confusion is compounded by the fact that because we as parents if we're identified in this way with our children.
will not admit to the fact that, that is in fact what is going on.
will not admit to the fact, that we do feel hatred in that moment towards the child.
we deny it and say things like I love you.
or I unconditionally love my child of course I love my child.
now when the child hears these kinds of messages, and yet their experience of it is so incredibly different.
of course they're thrown into a spiral of complete confusion and dismay.
how is it possible that mom or dad can say they love me and yet i'm feeling this energy towards me
or I'm seeing these actions are hearing these words towards me.
now the matter of fact is that the parent has in fact turned against their child.
not only have they turned against their child and then denied that they have.
they have in fact made the child responsible for that betrayal.
they have made the child responsible for why they're justified in withdrawing from them
and turning into their antagonists. now here's where it gets even worse.
the child has absolutely no way to make sense of what has just happened in their relationship between themselves in their parent other than to assume that their parent must be right.
they assume that obviously there must be something wrong with them.
now look at the alternative.
you actually cannot survive in an environment where your life depends on someone who is your antagonist who does not in fact love you.
you have to create some sense of control through the responsibility of saying
you know what it is me,
it's because i'm wrong or because I'm bad and as long as I have that.
if i do right, if I do good, if i make myself better eventually all that will be left behind between me and this parent is love.
shame then becomes the imprint embedded within this child's being.
he or she carries it with them into adulthood.
the child makes this assumption because to not make this assumption
is to face the fact that their parents never actually loved them.
but instead loved something they or their presence did for them
and hatred and love become integrally linked in our subconscious mind.
now in psychology people are calling this disorganized attachment.
but the thing is, is that psychologists say the disorganized attachment is incredibly rare.
limited only to people whose parents were antagonist to the degree that they terrorize their own children.
but i am going to challenge that idea.
and i'm going to suggest that there is a very wide spectrum of antagonism between a parent and a child.
and in fact a great many more people walking in the planet
today than we ever considered are suffering from a form of disorganized attachment.
it is why we see so much hate and love within our relationships.
when our parents had us to bolster their own sense of self in some way, we did not experience the kind of love we we're looking for.
we experience the kind of love that was entirely dependent on us bolstering their self-esteem and those of you who failed to do that with your parents.
inevitably found yourselves alone and unable to escape the imprint of shame.
even though love is a natural experience that flows through the incarnation of
every being in existence.
we learn how or even whether it's acceptable to express that love
by virtue of our interaction with the earliest people that we depended on in our existence in this life.
if our first taste of love is conditional upon us bolstering someone else's sense of self
then we will follow suit.
we will make our love conditional upon someone else bolstering our own sense of self.
we will also find ourselves a match to friends and partnerships where the other
person makes their love conditional upon us
bolstering their self-esteem. this is an awesome recipe for love turning to hate.
the minute someone in our lives does not bolster our sense of self we will hate them.
the minute we do not bolster their sense of self they will hate us.
now we need to talk about conditional and unconditional love.
at our current state of evolution, unconditional love is an abstract concept
that we only try to understand.
we already said that on a vibrational level
to love someone is to take that person as thyself.
it is the experience of oneness in human form.
and it is achieved through positive appreciative focus towards that thing.
now obviously you can see that unconditional love is essentially
a state of love that is not conditional upon how somebody behaves, upon anything they think say or do.
conditional love on the other hand means
that a person experiences a state of appreciation and positive perception about something so
as to experience themselves as one with thing.
only if they or that thing is meeting some condition such as making me feel good about myself for keeping me safe for liking me.
and not that i am saying that this person or these people don't exist.
I have never in my life met somebody who is actually doing this in practice in their real-life.
many people in the spiritual field
because they are identified with the righteousness of the idea of unconditional love profess
the fact that they are unconditionally loving.
they also suggest to everyone else that they need to be unconditionally loving.
regardless of the fact that this is not a state which most people are even capable of achieving from their current place in space in healing.
in other words in the spiritual community when most people say
unconditional love is complete denial, is the fact that they will not acknowledge the fact that they in fact love conditionally.
we may be able to fake
unconditional love on the outside and often try but we cannot fake this on the inside.
now let's just assume you're not one of these people who has a children
subconsciously to bolster your own self-esteem.
most of the time what we see
is that the closest access that we humans have at this time to experiencing
unconditional love is in fact towards their own child.
but unlike what society
loves to try to convince you as possible, simply having a child is absolutely no indication
that unconditional love is in fact present.
it is absolutely not a guarantee. in fact it's quite rare.
a conditional relationship is transactional
and the reality we have to wake up to is that 99% if not more relationships on the globe today are entirely transactional.
this is true regardless of whether it's a relationship between to lovers
to friends apparent in their child siblings or your relationship with yourself.
a love-hate relationship is nothing more than a conditional relationship.
it's a relationship where love basically fluctuates depending on
the changing of circumstances or conditions within the relationship.
if the conditions are being met, love exists if they're not, it doesn't exist.
hence love and hate relationship.
however if we're in this state while we hate someone
we experience the extreme desire to get that feeling of love back.
and so it's an extreme state of emotional dissonance for both people involved.
so to sum up, basically this entire video in a tiny little capsule i'm going to explain a flow chart of how love in fact turns to hatred.
lets begin. if we are only capable of practicing conditional love,
the more intense our level of positive appreciation for and therefore oneness
relative to something is the more intense pain we feel as a result of losing that feeling of oneness
and losing that positive feeling we had towards them.
the more intense that pain is the more hurt we perceive ourselves to be.
the more hurt we perceive ourselves to be the more deeply we will
see ourselves as the victim and then is the threat.
the more we see them as the threat and ourselves as the victim the more we will hate them.
this is why the people who loved us the most potentially are most avid fans
often become our greatest enemies.
we are at the point where we are practicing conditional love.
and most of us are not emotionally healed enough to be able to practice unconditional love.
to be able to do anything more than simply try to fake it.
but we have arrived at a point in time where we are now desiring to be
unconditionally loved and to be able to unconditionally love other people.
but it begins with us admitting to ourselves that contrary to what we may want to believe about ourselves
our love is in fact conditional.
and then from that point the question to ask yourself is.
what is my love conditional upon?
have a good week.
[subtitles using inown.org]
Subtitles by the Amara.org community