- What was the pain like during the fire?
- I had none.
- None?
- None.
- [Narrator] If you were alone in a room
with a burn survivor, what would you ask?
- Do you think pretty privilege exists?
- After the accident did you have a hard time
looking at yourself in the mirror?
(haunting keyboard music)
- Hello. - Hi.
- How are you?
- I'm good. How are you?
- Doing great. Doing great.
- And what's your name?
- Jay. - Jay.
It's lovely to meet you, Jay. - Same here.
- Do you mind talking about your accident?
- Sure.
I lived in Puerto Rico.
It was in 1998 after Hurricane George
and we didn't have electricity for more than a month
and I had a couple of seizures
and I went through several neurological studies.
I had glue on my scalp
I had to remove with some type of oily substance.
My dad was outside dealing with the generator,
so what I did was grab a candle,
just started pouring the grease over my hair.
And when I lean forward
to see myself better on this area,
on the left side,
that's where my hair actually slipped
over my shoulder and touch the flame, the candle.
And in less than a second,
I was just a human torch.
- That must have been really difficult.
- What was the pain like during the fire?
- I had none.
- None?
- None.
My burns, they were,
deep, third degree,
so,
most of my nerves were damaged.
What I felt was extreme heat.
I remember swallowing the flames
and feeling it all the way in my lungs,
but in that moment I had no pain at all.
- Wow.
So, it just completely nothing, to you at all.
- Completely nothing, no. - Wow.
- I have never experienced
that kind of peace ever.
- Wow.
That's insane.
- Yes. (chuckling)
- Right, what was your hospital experience like
after being burned?
- That's a very intense question.
Even my,
my heart is racing a little.
That experience was,
very, very intense,
because I was in a induced coma.
But still, you as a patient,
you can actually hear,
and I remember the doctors betting on my life,
"I don't think she's gonna be,
more than 12 hours."
"I don't give her more than 16 hours."
And I'm here having this experience,
I'm trying to scream my lungs out,
like, "No, no, no, no, no, I have more time."
And then I started recovering,
and debridement,
I don't know if you know what that means.
- I don't.
- You don't?
So, that's the process that us burn survivors
have to go through and is where they actually
have to scrape the dead skin from your body.
And even though, yes, they put sedation,
my body got used to the medication so quickly,
that I actually felt every second of it.
I remember,
having to,
go through a lot of deep breaths
and hold my tears
and try not to move as much,
so they could get through it as quick as possible.
But yeah,
it's been,
kind of bittersweet. (chuckling)
- Well, I'm glad that you're still here.
- Yes, thank you.
- About the accident.
What triggers you and how do you cope with it?
- When I'm close to a fireplace or a bonfire
where I feel like extreme heat,
I feel it,
and I get that feeling,
of the moment where I was actually swallowing the flames.
But what I do is I just breathe
and even though I've been through so much in life,
I'm still here.
I have a second chance
and I'm trying to make the best out of it.
- Do you feel that your quote unquote
"normal day to day life" has changed,
and how so?
- I do have certain physical limitations
and my skin, it's so tight,
specially around my neck that my skin pulls.
It's very hard for me even to sleep.
I get spasms pretty much every single day
and I get migraines
and my hands, sometimes they don't work completely.
And that could be a little bit frustrating,
because I wanna do so much. - Mm hm.
- Have people treated you differently
or even looked at you differently in any aspect?
- Do you ever feel alienated in your day to day life?
Like do people,
do you feel people looking at you weird?
- Oh yes, definitely.
I've had people that ask me if I wanted to kill myself,
if I ever contemplated suicide,
if I feel ashamed for the way that I look, my skin.
If I go to a restaurant,
I've had situations where I had someone
across the restaurant just completely staring at me
and I'm here like, "Yes, I have a mouth.
I eat just like you do.
I drink just like you do.
I walk just like you do."
But yes, society has been very cruel.
People have spat on my face,
pulled my hair,
just trying to see if I have a wig on or not.
I've been called, Scarfaced, you name it.
- Wow.
- Do you think pretty privilege exists?
- Yes.
I have actually witnessed that.
So as a teenager, I wanted to apply
for a job at a store and they said,
"No, we're not hiring."
And two more girls come in asking for an application
and they got the fricking application.
And I'm here like, "Oh, wow.
So,
just because I'm burned,
means that I'm not good enough to work?"
So, unfortunately, yeah,
that happens quite often.
- How have your experiences affected your relationship
with those around you?
- Well, I,
have come to learn
that people show their true colors
when something like this,
changed your entire life.
And I did have one situation
where a family member asked me over the phone,
"Whenever you're done with your surgeries
I would like to see you,
to see if you are gonna be a valuable person
in my family and in society."
That was very hurtful.
I did let it get to me
and I went through therapy
for insomnia and depression for a while.
- Do you still feel a little resentment toward that person?
- That person passed away years ago.
When I saw him laying down in that casket,
I felt very sad for him.
And I,
actually,
forgave him,
for his ignorance,
and I released myself from that burden.
- That takes a lot to forgive somebody
for doing something like that.
- Did you feel nervous at all
about being asked these questions?
- I did.
Before I came here yesterday,
I remember sitting in a corner at the airport
in Puerto Rico and I started to cry.
The fact that I have the opportunity
to bring awareness,
is very special to me,
because it needs to be done.
It needs to be done.
Like we say in Spanish,
(speaking foreign language)
"I have a thick skin,"
but not everyone does.
And to me it's very, very special.
So I'm very, very grateful for every single person
that have been seated next to me. (chuckling)
- Describe your best and worst day since your accident.
- My,
worst day,
was when I had my surgery
from the tissue expander.
They had to put a skin graft on the center of my head.
The pain was,
insane.
I think that was the the worst that I've had.
My best day,
I have two,
and is the moment I met both
of my daughters when they were born.
They have pushed me to be a better woman,
a better human being,
a better person.
And everything that I do, I do it for them.
- So you have children? - Yes, I do.
- That's awesome.
What do you feel that you can teach them,
that if you hadn't had those experiences,
you think you might not have otherwise been able to?
- Something that I teach them every single day
is to accept themselves as they are.
That they should love themselves,
inside out.
That love should translate
through our smile,
through our eyes,
through the way that we carry ourselves,
through the way that we actually interact with other people.
And that's something that I always teach 'em, you know,
"You need to try to keep your heart
as pure and as loving as possible,
because that's what's gonna take you,
moving forward in your life.":
- Well, this is my last question,
but can I give you a hug?
- Yes, definitely.
- Hi. - Hi. (chuckling)
- Thank you.
Aw, you gonna make me cry. (laughing)
- I'm already crying. (sobbing)
- Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you.
God bless you. - You too.
- Hmm, I'm gonna take you home.
(laughing)
- Ah.
- Well, that's- - There you go.
Oh, no, no, no, don't cry.
(laughing)
- I'm sorry.(laughing)