Hello and welcome! My name is Heather, I'm a registered professional counselor and a certified
life coach and today I'm going to be analyzing some of the couples from the Netflix dating
series: Single's Inferno. Before I get started, make sure to subscribe to get more analysis
videos like this. Alright, let's get to the show. Se-Hoon and Ji-Yeon, there's a clear attraction at
the beginning between the two of them. It seemed like both of them were potentially interested in
one another. I love that they all cook together because it also shows how well the couples couples
could communicate and also work with each other as well. I think that's pretty cool, it's not just
them drinking and partying and just hooking up. Se-Hoon over the episodes has made it clear that
he's interested in her and he's trying to pursue her and he invited her up for the brunch and then
he also invited Ji-A and she was kind of sitting there like a third wheel, but we see that he
was actively trying to show Ji-Yeon that he's interested by asking her questions, he's
trying to be a little bit playful and getting her to try on his glasses, things like that.
So we also see that she's giving him some signals and some signs that she might not be interested in
him and that's okay. She could have also have told him explicitly that she wasn't into him, but he
keeps trying and he's just getting more and more heartbroken when he finds out that she's going on
dates with other people. And she's not really reciprocating any interest to him and I think
that he's starting to feel a little bit anxious a little bit rejected. So I also want to say that
everything that I'm saying here is a complete speculation. I don't know them personally,
I'm not in a session with them and we're only shown the limited amount of information that's
been edited a certain way to make this show interesting, so let's keep that in mind. "Yes"
"Aren't there others you want to get to know better?" And I think that was her way of trying
to signal that she wasn't interested in him, but she never outright just told him that and I think
because it wasn't clearly communicated that he still wanted to keep trying. It's possible that
he's just very much in love with the idea of her. "When I find someone I like, I have to date her.
That's the kind of person I am." I think he mentioned earlier in the series that
she was his ideal type and so maybe there's a bit of limerence there, where he's more so
in love with the feeling of love or in love with the idea of her without really getting to know
her and again throughout the episodes we don't see a lot of deeper conversations between the
couples. We don't see them talking to each other about their intentions or what their
expectations are or relationship goals are and we just see them mostly having conversations
about why they chose each other or why they want to go on a date with the other person,
but it doesn't really get anything deeper than that. Maybe there was a lot of deeper
conversation and the show just decided to edit only the conversations about their thought process
as to why they chose certain people, but it would be really tough to make a decision as to
who you want to choose if you don't have any of those deeper conversations. Again, maybe
they just didn't show it to us. It's possible that Se-Hoon may have some form of preoccupied
or anxious attachment style. So when it comes to attachment styles, there are four different types:
there's secure attachment, there is preoccupied or insecure attachment, there's avoidant attachment,
and there's also disorganized. So typically people are somewhere between secure, preoccupied,
or avoidant, and again, it's on a spectrum. Attachment styles are usually determined
by the relationship that you have with your parents or caregivers and whether or not they
are very consistent when it comes to fulfilling your emotional needs or taking care of you when
you're younger and when we grow up we tend to have these same attachment styles in our
intimate relationships. I could go on and on about attachment styles, but that's basically it in a
nutshell. It could explain why he's so fixated on Ji-Yeon. "I asked them what you like to eat
here what you liked. I really did." He's trying to gather as much information about her so it could
be a sign of preoccupied or anxious attachment. If we do have this attachment style we're usually
very much fixated on the relationship. We have a lot of worries or concerns about the relationship
and we're always thinking about it, so this could be a sign of that. Another possibility
is that he just really likes her. Maybe he did talk to the other girls and he realized like,
no I'm not really interested in them, we don't have a lot in common and I'm just gonna do
whatever I can to focus my attention on just this one girl. "I think you might be making her feel
uncomfortable. Actually. I actually hate doing that to people." We see that this upsets him. It's
obvious that he really likes her and that this is the opposite effect that he wants to have on her.
"I know you still have feelings for her. I just have never been rejected like this before." So
people who have preoccupied attachment typically find rejection extremely painful. Plus, nobody
likes to feel rejected. So I think for him in particular, he also said that he's never had this
experience before so maybe he doesn't really know how to react or respond in a situation like this.
"To be honest, I almost cried. Why? Because it really hurt my pride. What I said about Ji-Yeon?
Yes." So I think their conversation from the day before has definitely touched on some feelings
of insecurity also some attachment injuries, as well. And also just made him feel just really bad
because his intention wasn't to make the other person feel uncomfortable. "To me, it sounded like
she's not interested in you. 'Se-Hoon snap out of it.You're being stupid now, don't be stupid."
And we see how he interpreted the conversation that he had with her the day before and I don't
think the way that Se-Hoon is interpreting her messages is exactly what happened. And this is
a good example of how people interpret messages and interpret conversations just through our own
personal experiences, our own personal beliefs, our own schemas; the way that reality happens
it gets filtered through all these different defenses and then we interpret the story as
something completely different. So it went from her showing her concern and letting him
know that maybe Ji-Yeon isn't interested and he should just rethink his actions because
it might be making her uncomfortable to him interpreting it as, "Oh i'm stupid for liking her
and everyone sees that. I'm such a fool." And he internalized it to something extremely negative
and he took that feedback and information and he made it personal and she never said that he
was such an idiot or he was stupid. And I guess this is a lesson for all of us moving forward:
is when we do hear some form of feedback or criticism, try not to take it personally and just
hear it at face value and see if there's anything that you can learn or change from it,
if you want to change from it, it's totally up to you, but just realize that you don't have to take
it personally. Maybe she could have approached it differently, but she was very calm and she was
coming from a place of concern and care, but we see that he's internalized it and it made him feel
really bad and he's kind of taking it out on So-Yeon. "I saw what's going on between Jin-Teak
and Ji-Yeon. After seeing that, I came to think I don't know Jin-Teak anymore." And I think she
was also coming from a place of panic and worry as well because the guy she likes went on a date with
the girl that he likes. The way that they're talking to each other is pretty calm overall,
still pretty respectful considering what we would see in other dating reality shows on islands. What
she said to him was really upsetting, it hurt his pride, and so maybe that's another thing as
to why he decided to invite Ji-Yeon to paradise. As he mentioned earlier, it hurt his pride to hear
that she might reject him or that she wasn't interested in him and so now he's playing into
the game of wanting to chase her. And we see this a lot in movies and tv shows, where if the guy
is persistent and if he continues to chase a girl who might not be interested, then he'll get
rewarded by having her end up with him. I don't know if this is common in Korean shows or movies,
please let me know in the comments below, but it is something that we see often in more Westernized
or American shows or films. "I'd like to go to paradise with Moon Se-Hoon." So maybe
she started to develop some feelings for him now that they have more time together,
maybe she realized that they have some things in common or maybe she likes the way that she feels
when he's around. It's really tough to say again just because we don't see a lot of those deeper
conversations, those dynamics. She did go on a date with other guys from the island and maybe
she realized that she likes Se-Hoon best. The other possibility is that with the new girls that
came on the island maybe that sparked some form of jealousy in her and she wanted to win Se-hoon.
Se-Hoon and Min-ji, they went on a yacht date and we find that you know they're laughing, they're
they're getting along really well, but they discovered that they didn't have a lot of things
in common. She loves video games, he doesn't play video games. She loves hip-hop, he doesn't like
hip-hop. So it seems like they don't have a lot of things in common. It was nice of Se-Hoon to try to
get to know some of the lingo around video games, so he was asking the other guys if they knew what
tiers meant. It shows some form of effort on his end, but maybe what he realized was that
there was just too much of a difference. Maybe he realized that there wasn't really much of a
spark and he still continued to pursue Ji-Yeon. When it comes to couples who are polar opposites,
it doesn't mean that the relationship won't work, but it's definitely more challenging than a couple
who have more shared interests or shared values. So let's say you have a couple: one person is very
much organized, detail oriented, loves planning and their partner is more, you know, go with the
flow. So something that might have attracted them to each other at the beginning of the relationship
is most likely going to cause more conflict later on because when there's already going to be just
everyday, normal conflict and challenges it's more likely that the person is going to be more rooted
in their polarized ways. So one person is going to dig their heels in and say planning is important
we need to figure out all these details and the other person is going to be more resistant and
they're going to want more of their freedom. And so we can see how this can be a bigger conflict in
the relationship. It's not to say that those relationships won't work out, it's just to say
that there's going to be more challenges compared to a couple who may have similar values or similar
ways of dealing with conflict or problems. And again, we see a lot of examples from movies and
tv shows of couples who are polar opposites and they come together and everything is perfect and
magical. Opposites may attract, but it doesn't mean that they'll stick together. Studies have
shown that people who are more similar in ways or who have similar values they tend to have more
fulfilled, happier, successful relationships. It's not to say that there's no conflict whatsoever,
but they're able to be on the same wavelength when it comes to resolving conflict as opposed to
someone who are polar opposites. And we see that Min-Ji is attracted to Se-Hoon and she's attracted
to the idea of him being completely different from her and there are some pros to that,
as well. When we're attracted to someone or when we're dating someone who has different interests
in us, it can help us expand and grow as a person and maybe that's what really draws her to him. So
she wants to see what else she could learn from him or learn about him. Also, I feel bad for the
new participants that joined later on. I feel like it wasn't really fair they were only there for a
few days. They didn't really have a fair chance to get to know everyone else. Plus, in terms of group
dynamics, everyone else was already in established couples or they were already established as a
group and adding a few new people in there isn't going to work and we kind of saw that already
where they didn't really have enough time to connect with other people and also the bonds that
the other people already had were much stronger. Yeah, hopefully they changed that in the next
season. "What was your first impression of me? What's my first impression of you? Yeah. Sexy."
So let's talk about Ji-A and the other guys. So Ji-A had the most interest, she had
three other guys who are interested in her and a lot of people are wondering what's her secret.
So she has a few components that makes her a little bit more desirable. The first one is that,
I mean, of course she's gorgeous - they're all really, really good looking, but she's also very
mysterious and she's very confident. And I think that's what is most captivating to the guys,
especially when she first walked in a lot of people thought that she was very intimidating.
She's just kind of more reserved and kept to herself and when she does talk to specific guys,
she definitely gives them all of her attention. She gives them eye contact,
she flirts a little bit, but she's still very mysterious with some of
the answers that she would give them and that usually leaves the person wanting more.
"Seriously, you're the most mysterious person I've ever met. You're number one."
"Who are you attracted to the most? Do I need to answer?
It's up to you. It's a secret. It's a secret?"
And it can also make them feel special and that they notice that she treats everyone differently
compared to how she's treating them. The other thing also is that she's really skilled
at not giving them mixed messages when they're all there. So she's usually talking to the guys
individually. The other guys don't see how she interacts with them so they just
make assumptions that they're the special one. We also see
when they were at the bonfire and they were drinking they asked her if she was interested in
anyone and she said, "Oh there's only one person." "So I wanted to ask if you've made up your mind.
I think I barely know both of you. So I'm not sure yet." She didn't really tell Si-Hun that
she wasn't interested in him. She just said I say a lot of things with my eyes and she just kind
of stared at him and I think he got the hint that she wasn't interested in him anymore or she wasn't
that interested in him. I think also the fact that she never really gave them super clear answers as
to how she felt towards them also fed into the mystery because they're wanting to see exactly
how she's feeling and they'll do more for her to try to impress her. And maybe she was interested
in all these guys and she was still deciding and she didn't know which one she liked more,
so she wanted to keep them around and she didn't explicitly tell any of them that she wasn't
interested in them. Maybe the guys liked that competition and maybe they wanted to have that
chase of her and also beating out all these other guys and winning and so they were more interested
in competing for her or it's more of an ego boost if they were to win her. I mean, it's possible
that they were all interested in Ji-A as a person and maybe they were all very compatible with her.
"Our time here is limited. so will you talk to all of us one by one? No, I'm just talking to you."
Jin-Teak and So-Yeon, they've been pretty much inseparable for the entire series we
do see that he was potentially interested in Ji-Yeon and then So-Yeon was potentially
interested in Se-Hoon. It's also possible that So-Yeon was feeling a little insecure,
maybe a little worried a little confused because the guy she likes, Jin-Teak, was
on a date with Ji-Yeon and she's reacting in a way where she's trying to either tell
Se-Hoon that she has feelings for him or she's trying to convince him that maybe there's going
to be something going on between those two and they need to be prepared for it, and maybe that
reinforced their interest in each other. I was a little worried that he was just playing So-Yeon
and that he was potentially not interested in her anymore and he was more interested
in getting to know the other girls. "Did you make any moves here on inferno? I don't think you did.
Not even a small move. So it bothered you that I didn't make small gestures like that?
Yes." And I think that it's great that he communicated with her and told her that
he was the one always approaching her or he was the one initiating conversations
with her. "The small gestures you mentioned, like sitting next to you, I did that today.
All right, I could feel you were trying. Thank you." And that allowed her to think
and reflect and realize that, 'oh okay, well I could definitely make more of an effort or make
these small gestures, especially if it's important to you.' If there's any other scenes or any other
couples from Single's Inferno you want me to analyze, let me know in the comments below! So
this is really different from what I was expecting I guess because a lot of dating shows that I've
seen commercials for or seen previews for, it's just usually a bunch of people drinking and
hooking up and not really wanting to know if they want to date and I guess that's what's kind of
refreshing about this dating show is that they're so respectful of one another. They're actually
trying to talk to each other, everyone's getting along. Usually in other dating shows there's
just so much drama to the point where everyone is against each other and everyone's out to get one
another and there's all these mind games. I wish they showed us more of their deeper conversations,
it just seems like they were more so fixated on their age and their jobs and also why they
chose each other or picked each other. Don't forget to subscribe if you haven't already
and give this video a thumbs up. Feel free to check out my other therapist reviews videos
and I look forward to seeing you in the next one. Until then, be kind and love yourself.