you already do NLP stay tuned hey this is Damon Cart from NLP Gym and with me
today is Mark Andreas son of Steve and Connirae Andreas and before we get into
how you already use NLP if you haven't already please click subscribe to this
YouTube channel so you can get these videos on a regular basis I'm here at
Steve and Connirae Andreas's compound we're here at their house their property
here in Colorado Boulder, Colorado and Mark and I have done trainings together
I've hosted him a few times and we'd like to talk about NLP it's
just one of those things I would like to talk about kind of good at it right and
sort of interested in it yeah it's kind of an interest of ours
and he said something that really resonated with me because I try to
explain this to people as well that we already do NLP and before he could tell
me about what he meant I said no no no let's get this on video first and talk
about how you already do NLP even if you have no NLP training
yeah so one of the things that I like to actually learn this from Charles Falkner
who's one of my NLP trainers and he one of the things he did in my practitioner
training which I loved is when we were learning about rapport and matching and
mirroring and being in rapport with somebody gaining rapport with somebody
you know a lot of trainings teach rapport as if it's something that like
oh my god I've never learned this thing rapport Wow
like let me learn this new skill and he pointed out that actually of course we
all know how to be in rapport with somebody if we like somebody we're gonna
be in rapport with them without even thinking about it and so what he did was
he had the whole group just pair up and share some fun story that had
happened to them and then he said pause and freeze where you are and he went
around the room and said okay well both your legs are crossed the same way and
both of you are leaning in and both of you are going like this with your hands
and then he had one person switch and tried
to continue the conversation and people couldn't continue the conversation or it
was really awkward or difficult yeah that's a great example I'll have to
steal that yeah so that's what I do now in all of my intro NLP trainings just
show people you already know how to be in rapport with somebody it's a skill
that you have more than 10,000 hours worth and you're an expert at it
it's just that in certain contexts you might forget to use it or not realize
that you can use it most people know how to use it when they like somebody and
when they're having a conversation they're interested in but don't think to
use it when they're in conflict with somebody well a lot of NLP is just doing
the stuff you already do naturally but being conscious of it so you can have a
choice about doing it yes the way that I like to explain it because I like
rapport I mean we naturally fall into rapport with people and we don't really
think about it or we're not conscious that we're not trying to do to do it but
once we understand the mechanics of how it works then we can say okay well I
want to get into the rapport with this person very quickly so you know what to
look for and you know how to do it yeah yeah so you have any other examples yeah
well I think just in terms of the basic NLP processes about anchoring in
resources or change personal history new behavior generator those are all
examples of very it's a pretty simple process of just accessing some
experience where you have the skill already and then applying it to an area
of your life where for whatever reason you haven't experienced it that example
of new behavior generator would be like I see myself doing something that I want
to do in a particular context said maybe it's a behavior I don't normally do and
I kind of rehearse it in my mind and I might walk through it and
associate into it walk through it and then see it and then I can see that okay
this is how I want it to be well we often rehearse stuff just like that in
our minds before they happen but we often do it for things that we don't
want the things that we fear doing we'll imagine all the horrible things
that could go wrong and we see that in our minds over and over in the sense
we're actually rehearsing making it go wrong yeah then doing the behaviors we
don't want to do so why not be conscious of that and then
actually consciously rehearse the behaviors you do want to do yeah exactly
yeah one client that I worked with recently it was a really amazingly
simple process and worked wonderfully took an hour and basically she was in a
situation at work with somebody that was really difficult and froze up and was
uncomfortable even being in the same room and and talking and that sort of
thing and just basically asked her I mean there was a little bit more to it
than this but the basic process is okay so what's a resource that you would like
to have in that situation that you didn't have and where's the time when
you've had that resource access that experience put it into that memory step
into it and you know there were a few more resources that were needed and then
she goes wow this is like this feels the way I want it feels really good and just
later that day she emailed me and said this is amazing like I never I never
thought this was possible I never thought I could get over this it was
like a really extreme kind of fear and sort of lock up situation and felt
totally different and basically what you're saying is that she had it all
within her within her already you just had to kind of point it out and
say do it this way or think of it this way but it you didn't really give her
anything she had it exactly so it was just a matter of contextualizing the
skill she already had in this new context that was interesting that
reminds me have a conversation I had with your dad a little bit earlier
unfortunately no I was on camera I did get it so you can tune in for that yeah
well I'll post that he said I asked him and your mom they were together and
their you know Connirae Andreas has a model and a program which Mark teaches
called core transformation your dad teaches or taught a workshop called
transforming your self which I teach now and there was another transformation or a
trend oh the the book Tranceformations that hypnosis book that your
mother edited and so there's always been this talk about like transformation in
some way which to me is what personal development is all about I think we lose
sight of it a lot of times and it becomes about setting goals it
becomes about persuading people it becomes about all these little behaviors
we want to either create for ourselves or problem little problems we want to
fix but when you think about the bigger picture of it what it is it's it's
really transformation but I think we lose sight of that a lot of times and I
mentioned that to your parents and your dad said well it's a lot easier
to take something that's already there and if it's not working right or working
with like you want it to transforming it into working how you want it to rather
than trying to start completely new build something in I'm guessing he used
one of his favorite quotes which is from Erickson that your task is that of
altering not abolishing do you know it didn't actually that's one of his for it
they don't have to restate that though so yeah so Erickson would say your task
is not abolishing it is altering well that
would fit really well with what he said yeah so a lot of what we do in NLP is we
do build some skills but a lot of what we do is we take what's already there
which is you and you're not some broken or defective human being you may not be
functioning exactly how you want to be you might not be living the life you
want to live you might not feel exactly how you want to feel but you have the
raw materials to make all that happen and what NLP does is it makes it helps
make you conscious of that and then we can transform or move in that direction
or take what's already there the raw materials and create more of what you do
want yeah another one of my favorite quotes from my dad and this one he
doesn't actually say very much but when he said it to me
or he said it in a training of maybe three four years ago I was like that is
a really good summary of NLP he said basically what NLP is is it's separating
things that aren't meant to be together and putting things together that aren't
meant to be separate okay now I want an example so an example would be so with
that client that I mentioned the she didn't realize that that context with
that coworker could be a place where she could have the experience of calm and
just natural social ability that she had with her best friend I see but once we
checked it out and you know checked our there is would there be any of
objections to this and one of the first things I asked was does this person
actually pose any physical threat or any threat of losing your job and none of
that was the case so it was purely an emotional thing and she realized yeah
that's true I can have that same emotional response with this guy it just
hadn't occurred to her so putting those two things together now I can I can
already think of ways of or examples of separating but yeah go ahead you have a
example of that yeah I mean lots of examples so you know if there's a
negative response if there's a trigger that that gets you frustrated or you
blow up or you start arguing and you've done it a million times and it never
works but you still find yourself doing it that would be an example of
separating yeah you can think about a lot of times where you you you feel
something in a certain way at a certain time you're triggered by something and
the truth is this doesn't really pose a real threat like in the case of a phobia
or trauma or even being around someone who for some reason you don't you can't
you clam up or something yes reminds you of your uncle but
they're totally different yeah exactly you have that negative response and it's
like that negative response isn't helping you sometimes what we would call a
negative response can be useful you don't want to just go in and take all
your negative responses away sometimes you need to know that somebody might
pose a threat or you want to get away from someone you know there are times
when it's it's not a threat and it's not helping you so yeah you'd want to
separate that triggered response yeah from the for whatever's happening because
it's not going to help you in any way so yes putting together and separating so I
like that just very simple definition of what we're doing with change work and
once again you're not creating a new skill you're not even creating and you
can maybe say it's a new behavior but you're just going inside and taking some
things apart and putting some things together and it's really you have all
this all the stuff they are ready for you to to do that yeah and that's where
the presupposition then comes you have all the, you already have all the
resources that you need it's about accessing them reorganizing
them contextualizing them yeah and I already I start to think about the
metamodel and modal operators and the "shoulds" and "half tos"
and "needs" and as soon as you take that off of you it's like it suddenly it allows
your potential to come out you know those words those phrases those ways of
thinking put you in scarcity and limitation but when you just take those
off so simple and you just stop thinking of a "should" or "have to" or a "must" or a
"need to" and you just say well what if I did do it that way
what if I did do something different yeah it's just a matter of letting go of
that border that limitation and suddenly you do have access to so much more and
it was always there it's not like NLP had to create it for you it's just
NLP only made you conscious of it and made you conscious of it so you could
say okay I don't want to do that anymore I don't want to think that way I don't
want to say those words I don't want to apply that pattern to myself anymore
I can stop doing that yeah and I think this gets to a really important
distinction too for people who are guiding other people through change work
and and themselves is realizing that NLP and change work is about that we already
have the resources we need it's about shifting those around then we can start
to realize that the distinction between if I actually do need to gain a new
skill or is this something that can be done through NLP techniques because
sometimes what needs to happen is to go out there and put the hours in and
actually you know if I want to be a good pianist I can use inner work to be
receptive to learning and all that kind of stuff but I can't use NLP to be a
master pianist I have to actually put in the practice yeah and so I think
sometimes people that's an important distinction that sometimes people miss
and try to use a change method to to develop a skill that you really have to
decide am I is this worth it to me to put in the effort to learn the skill or
not you know because you have to learn you know hours and to
learn a new skill so there are cases where you know you can use NLP to have
the best orientation to learn the skill but unfortunately it doesn't work as
good as neo in the matrix you can't just download it plug in to an NLP process
for an hour and then suddenly know how to fly an airplane and yeah yeah yeah I
can think of times where I couldn't do something or I wasn't successful at
something or I hadn't achieved something and I think about who I was after
achieving it or after I became successful at it and if I look at that
I'm really not much different than that person I'm really pretty much the same
person before and after it's when we look at what was available to me within
myself you know the resources the raw material now some of it had to be shaped
and some of it maybe I needed some outside knowledge maybe I needed to
cultivate a skill but when I really look at it before accomplishment and after
accomplishment mostly the same person so it's again I go back to saying that NLP
is just really about becoming conscious of so much that we're not conscious of
and once you do that now you have choice about it and that's that right there is
a game changer totally and we all have the resources to you know go and
practice those things that are worth it to us to practice and gain the skills
for too so absolutely if you look at it that way we really do have all the
resources we need cool well anything else you want to say
about that or I think that nailed it
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those out as well take care you don't have to call me a legend yeah it was
like where do I go with that like I don't I don't to make it sound like
you're not important just your parents and then like I'm whatever I don't care