how to make sincere small talk that's the big question I have a few strategies
that are gonna help you initiate small talk that is sincere
what's up Exlearners welcome back to my channel I'm so happy that you're here
Explearning communication coaching is the place for you if you want to improve
your communication skills and communicate with confidence authenticity
and poise so welcome in this video we are talking about ways to get to sincere
small talk so that you don't have to come off as fake and you don't have to
engage in superficial interactions because remember small talk is important
it can lead to deeper more meaningful conversation and that is what we want it
allows you to see whether that potential relationship partnership friendship is
worth pursuing are you going to become business partners are you going to
become husband and wife are you going to become best friends forever
who knows you wouldn't unless you engage in sincere and meaningful small talk
today I'm giving you a framework that's gonna get you to speak sincerely in your
small talk and get to see whether that relationship is worth pursuing are you
ready let's get right into it it's called the cap framework and this stands
for well I'm gonna I want to tell you in this video all right so the first one is
see that means connection so first you want to establish rapport you want to
find the common ground to show that you guys have some overlapping interests or
points of view or perspectives or anything that is common right so we call
that the connection so for example if you see that you are frequenting the
same coffee shop as this person or maybe you are in the same office building as
they or maybe you are enrolled in the same course maybe you have just come out
of the same TED talk or maybe you're at the same Fashion Show those are all
great ways of starting and small talk you build the connection so
how does this work you might say something like that TED talk was
revelatory but if you're at a fashion show you might say that line up was
amazing it's so much better than asking hey how are you right those are boring
ways of starting small talk so instead you initiate it by showing commonality
common ground then we have a four a line so the next thing you want to do after
establishing common ground is to align it with something personal so now is
your time to introduce yourself a little bit give them a sense of who you are
maybe your personality your interests your hobbies let's say you're at the TED
talk venue you can say something like you know in college I was enrolled in a
public speaking course it was an art of rhetoric course and I noticed that the
TED talker did a lot of the strategies that I learned way back when so right
off the bat you're sharing something about you that's personal they've
learned that you are in college and you took a communication course if you're at
the Fashion Show you can say I love what they did with Chanel you know my
favorite is the little black dress I just find it so timeless and elegant and
it reminds me of Audrey Hepburn whom I absolutely adore so there's so many
different ways of adding your personal Flair because people want to get to know
who you are again this is a way of figuring out okay are we possible
friends are we possible business partners what's there to explore and
they can only figure that out if you can divulge something a little bit personal
we're not talking about you know sharing your secrets or your most vulnerable
aspects that comes later with trust and building out the relationship but at the
very beginning at the onset we want to give the person a little bit of
information as to who we are and what we'd like so are you with me so far we
have C for connection a for a line and then the next one is P for probe now
this one's really important as well because you are opening the floor to
your interlocutor to the person with whom you are engaged in this small talk
now you want to get them to speak because it's no fun if you're
doing all the talking right might be for you but it's not for them so how do you
ask a question that is gonna get them to speak well you can rest assured that
asking a simple yes-or-no question will not lead to anywhere right that's a dead
end question and we need to refrain from asking those types of yes/no questions
they're close ended and they're dead ends instead we want to ask questions
that they can elaborate on how do you feel about this what is your opinion on
XYZ why okay these are richer ways of asking a question which will allow for a
deeper more interesting response how did you feel about that TED talk right so
you're asking their opinion it shows that you value their opinion and their
perspective and what they have to say whether or not you agree with them what
brought you to Fashion Week right so you're allowing them to elaborate and to
get them to talk opening the floor to allow for their conversation as well
after cap which is well do you remember connection a line probe is when the
magic starts to happen that's when the conversation takes a turn it goes in an
unexpected direction which is the beauty of conversation that is exactly what we
want to happen it is not a very structured back-and-forth robotic
turn-taking right no it falls it's like waves it's dynamic and it's complex and
that's what we want but in order for this to happen you do need to go through
cap because it gives some structure it's a springboard for the conversation to
unfold and you build on it so you want to build out the conversation by asking
more follow-up questions so after the P after you probe and they
share something their opinions or perspectives their feelings their
experience whatever it is they share then you can add something as well and
it's like building goes together it's collaborative now
let's say they get stuff so I want you to be mindful right every time that
somebody pauses or there's a little bit of silence right these gaps and
conversations that is not cause for alarm the person might be thinking about
what they're gonna say next right they need some thinking time you know how to
construct the next point that they're about to make so it's not caused for
alarm now if you notice that the pause is a little bit longer than say what
you're used to and just regular conversation other social interaction
experiences that you've had then you might be able to intervene by giving a
follow-up question right and there's nothing wrong with that not everyone is
going to be a comfortable and confident speaker so explorers because you know
how to do since your small talk using the CAP method you're able to ask a
probing follow-up and allowing them to build on what they've just said right
you make them feel at ease alright Explearners that's it for this video I
hope that you enjoyed the CAP method and the next time you want to engage in
small talk pull it out of your repertoire and be able to connect a line
and probe so that you can have meaningful and sincere small talk if you
haven't already done so I suggest that you subscribe so that you can get more
videos about how to communicate with confidence authenticity and poise I will
see you right here in my next video Happy Explearning