♪♪
[soft music]
[scooping ice]
[sighs]
Another bleak Saturday afternoon,
spent in the solitudes of concessions.
My dad said that if I got a date, he'd give me his car.
My dad said he'd give me his respect.
And he and my mom cried.
It was awkward.
Come on, guys, we can't give up hope.
[gasps]
[All] Oh!
Girl:
but some of those characters from Lord of the Rings
are so hot.
They're so hot!
Can you imagine if one of them
just walked through the door right now?
Matt:
in the custodial closet.
[ice drops]
A true nerd is never more than 15 feet from cosplay.
[footsteps clattering]
That way.
I mean, seriously, all a guy would have to do
is put on a blonde wig, put on pointy ears,
I would be all over it!
[rap music]
♪ Coming through,
♪ I'm about to do my thing ♪
♪ Watch me, take a picture, flick-flicka! ♪
♪ Paparazi. ♪
♪ Watch me do my thing I'm-a do my thing ♪
♪ Watch me do my thing. ♪
♪ I'm about to do my thing. ♪
♪ I keep see moving and a-grooving ♪
♪ and I ain't gonna stop 'til you ♪
♪ Watch me do my thing, ♪
♪ I'm about to do my thing, hey! ♪
Here, take it.
Take the ring.
I can't bear being single any longer.
Um, I think our movie's starting,
YOU SHALL NOT PASS!
What is wrong with you?
I'm not trying to hurt you.
I'm trying to date you.
Girl:
I guess that is
Looks like meat's back on the menu, boys!
Fly, you fools!
"Meat's back on the menu"?
That's the only orc line I could think of!
You could've said, "Yeah, what about them?
They're fresh!"
Ah, never mind, that's worse.
Girl:
but I still have a huge crush on those Hogwarts boys.
Oh!
We're about to be J.K. Rowling in honeys!
No, guys!
I can't do this!
Relax, James!
Hogwarts boys!
Nobody can misunderstand that.
[laughter]
Even Harry's scar was hot.
But Ron Weasley, though?
Uh!
Pour me a drink of that ginger ale!
Right!
♪ Watch me do my thing I'm a-do my thing, yeah. ♪
♪ Watch me do my thing, I'm about to do my thing. ♪
♪ I keep see moving and a-grooving ♪
♪ and I ain't gonna stop ♪
♪ 'til you spectators and haters join the show. ♪
♪ Yo, watch me! ♪
Hello, ladies.
You two are the most beautiful
filthy Mudbloods I have ever seen.
Aren't you that awkward kid from my social studies class?
Matt?
How dare you speak the Dark Lord's name!
What do you creeps want?
Go on a date with us.
Or I will kill your parents.
Girl:
[giggle]
You must not tell lies!
Or I will make you inscribe bloody messages on your hands
for punishment!
Stop it!
[high-pitched laughter]
The Ministry shall hear of this!
I don't remember having an Umbridge costume.
[giggles]
That's it!
No more dressing up!
Girl:
No, Jason, you just said no more!
And you mustn't tell lies, Jason!
♪ Da-na-na-na na-na-na-na na-na-na-na na-na-na-na ♪
♪ [all] Batman! ♪
Where are the employees?
[light switch flipped]
♪♪
Well, hello, beautiful.
[whack]
Owwww, owww!
Oww, oww, owwww!
Holy loneliness, Batman!
They left already?
What?
They left?
[scoffs]
Well, now I just look ridiculous.
♪ I'm about to do my thing, hey! ♪
What's up, guys?
I'm here to tell you some things you shouldn't do in life.
You should never run with scissors.
You shouldn't pull the mattress tag off.
You shouldn't throw ducks at the elderly.
But there's something you should do right now:
Follow your dreams.
You probably thought I was going to say
like, comment, and subscribe.
[chuckles]
Oh, actually, you should do that too.