-Thank you, everybody.
That was very nice.
All right.
I, uh...
I, uh -- As a comic, I travel a lot.
And I like to golf. I'm a big golfer.
And so, I will golf, sometimes, when I go on the road.
And I was golfing recently. You get done,
you know, you get very hot and sweaty.
And I wanted to change shirts before I drove back.
So, I go to the trunk of my car, in the parking lot.
I take my shirt off. I have no shirt on.
And this old man walks up to me, and goes, "Olivia?"
[ Laughter ]
He was looking for his elderly wife,
and saw me with no shirt on,
at a car that he does not recognize.
[ Laughter ]
None of this is enough to not make him see.
He's like, "Olivia?"
I was embarrassed. I turned around.
I covered up. I was like, "What's that?"
I go, "What did you say?"
He was like, "All right, my bad. Honest mistake."
And I was like, "God, that hurts worse than saying 'Olivia.'"
[ Laughter ]
I don't know who he offended more -- me or Olivia.
I think we could both have a word with him.
I'd love to meet her, though. I'll tell you that.
I'd love to see her, and be like, "All right. I get it."
You know? Like, just...
[ Laughter ]
I'm married, as well.
And my wife always tells me that I don't like the way she talks.
And it's not her voice. I like the sound of her voice.
That'd be a big problem, I think,
if it was like, "It's your voice. I just hate it."
[ Laughter ]
To go to couple's therapy, and be like,
"Can you hear it? Like, it's not...
You know, it's not fun."
It's the information that she chooses to tell me at times.
We took a trip to Ft. Lauderdale,
and her and our daughter are flying from Nashville,
where we live. And I was flying from Detroit.
We're meeting at Ft. Lauderdale's airport.
I have to find them when they land.
So, I called her, 'cause I was about to take off,
and I was like, "All right. What time do you guys leave?"
And she goes, "Noon."
It's 11:30, and they're still at home.
I was like, "Laura, I don't know if you even know
what an airport is."
[ Laughter ]
I mean, if that plane was in our driveway,
I don't think you could make it.
[ Laughter ]
She said, "That's what time we leave for the airport.
Our flight's not till 1:30."
And I was like, "All right. Okay.
So, what -- Like, what do you think I wanted to know
when I asked that?"
[ Laughter ]
I mean...
[ Cheers and applause ]
"Is that what you thought
the best information you could give me,
was a time that means nothing to nobody?"
[ Laughter ]
"What time did you go to bed last night?
Just tell me that, and I'll just look up
all the planes that land in Florida,
and I'll guess which one I think you're on."
[ Laughter ]
She said, "I'm sorry I don't talk
the way you want me to talk."
I'm like, "I want you to talk
like a regular person, all right?
Just, like you've been around people, you know?"
We didn't talk in Florida. I'll tell you that.
[ Laughter ]
She...
She's good at not talking to me.
She can go a long time.
[ Laughter ]
She gives me the silent treatment.
The silent treatment is -- It's very common.
Everybody knows what it is.
I think you're born just knowing it.
I don't think you're taught it.
You know, it's not like my mom did it, and her mom did it.
It's an instinct that is in us.
And what made me think of that is,
I rewatched the movie "Sixth Sense."
I'm not -- Look, I'm not trying to do a "Six Sense" joke.
This is a 20-year-old movie.
I also have to spoil it for you.
But it's 20 years old, so if you don't know by now,
then I don't -- you know, I don't know.
[ Laughter ]
There's other movies.
And don't be like, "We were gonna watch it tonight."
"We were gonna swing by Blockbuster on the way home."
[ Laughter ]
So, he's -- You know, he's dead the whole time.
And I mean, if you haven't seen it,
that's a pretty big part of it.
[ Laughter ]
If you have, think about when we saw
this movie for the first time, none of us knew he was dead.
That was the biggest surprise we've ever seen in a movie.
We just thought his wife wasn't talking to him
for, like, a year.
That made more sense to us than him possibly being dead.
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
And they -- Like, and they don't hide his death.
A guy shoots him with a gun.
The movie starts with him dying.
And we watched it for two hours, just like,
"I know what this guy's going through, you know?
This is a movie about marriage, and how hard marriage is."
All right. Thank you guys very much.
I appreciate it.
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
-Nate Bargatze, everybody.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Holy moly.
His stand-up special
is available to stream now on Netflix.