"Father, why do the villagers hate us so?"
"Oh, I don't know..."
I think I know!
Hello everybody, my name is Markiplier and welcome to "Pillage the Village"
Now a long time ago I played this game called "Defend your Castle"
And a lot of you guys probably played it too
and it was made by this studio called "XGEN studios"
who made a bunch of really awesome flash games.
And I've never played THIS one before, and I saw you guys recommending it
so I had to check it out and, WHOO BOY!
*breath*
It is a moral, like, dilemma
Uh, not even a moral dilemma, it's like a moral travesty,
because, basically, what you do,
is you take your little hand here, you GRAB these little guys,
you shAKE THEM AROUND, HOW-DO-- WHERE'S MY MONEY!
WHERE MY MONEY!!
WHERE MAH MONEY!
And then you smash them on the ground *laugh-sob* and take their money!
*offended sniff*
Not exactly... happy.
But it's a game!
And, oh man, oh man, it gets worse from there Oooo boy!
do y-- you think that was bad; just a guy tryin' to camp out in the woods.
Nah, you go to their homes and you say to their family;
"HUH, FEE FI FO FUM, GIVE ME YOUR F*CKING MONEY!"
GIMME YOUR MONEY
BLAM
You should have stayed hiding down below!
Oh no, you wanted to see what happened to your family member?
Too bad! Boink!
Whoop, sorry buddy! Boink!
Oh man, it's just like
*sniff*
WHOOOOooo
This game is n--no--not a happy one! :')
"Villagers Pillaged", you mean: "Villagers MURDERLIZED and then ROBBED of their possessions,"
because that's pretty much it.
And in the first game, uh, that I was talking about, uh "Defend your Castle".
It's a base- same basic principle, except it's stick figures coming at your castle,
trying to get revenge *deep breath* on the horrible things that you've done
BAYUM! Don't ge-- YOU THINK YOU CAN RUN AWAY!
YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST, RUN AWAY? YOU DEFENSELESS VILLAGERS!?
NAH!
I WANT AAALLL YOUR MONEY!
You gonna come out?
Whup BOINK!
Sorry about that!
Whoop BOINK!
Oh, man...
Well I don't I... I don't know
I don't know about this one because, well I mean I-- it's a fun game, like,
I got to admit; like as horrible as it is,
and sometimes these horrible games are sometimes the most fun for some strange reason!
And it's fun because the basic concept of the game is GOOD!
OOOOOOH BOYYY!
An upgrade shop!
"Pacifist", "Anta-" oh I didn't know about this, oh God.
I can go the Pacifist route!
... or I could go the Antaaaaagonist route (Hello, Darkiplier, welcome to the dark side.)
HOOOOOOOooooOOO
Choices, choices, choices!
Wha- a "Slave Cage" doesn't exactly seem like the Pacifist route.
"You don't have the heart to hurl defenseless villagers into the ground.
Do the right thing, instead; Offer them a permanent job working in you 'volentary cole mine'."
Well, that doesn't seem happy!
"Antagonist," Oh boy! "Simply-" Eugh Oooooh, whoof
What about "Neutral"? How about neutral?
I'll go neutral for now...
Euuuuugh, "Life insurance policy"- OKAY! I can't buy any of these right now,
so I'm just going to continue with what I got, and we'll go from there.
So, LET'S GET TO IT!
I wonder if there is like, seperate endings for Pacifist and Anarchists (You mean "Antagonists"?)
Oh, man
Hey! What are you doing in your-- in your nice track suit!
LOVELY-- oh, you're tough!
OH! He's got a-- he's got a purshute! (parachute)
Oh, that's right-- AAAH!
Oh, oop, um...
Oh, geez
huuuuuuo, that's not good
Hup, hooooi!
Oh, hup!
I thought if you threw them high enough they would just end up landing and,
you know, kersplatting.
Woh, they do. They do. The answer is that they do.
GOODBYE!
Sayonara!
Oh gee-- OH geez, OH GEEZ! Oh, it's so horrible!
Oh, what happened to THAT guy?
Heh-BOINK!
Hep, HEPBOINK!
Eugh... Oh God
HaBOINK!
Eugh... Something happened to that guy in the distance over there.
Just his arm and leg was all that was remaining from his horrible travesty that befell him.
What is this horrible deity that I am?
Okay.
Imma- EUTHANASIA!??
OH GOD!
EEEUUUGGH!
That's not any better!!
EEEEUGH, man!
Oh man... I'll just go the Antagonist Route because, Pacifist just seems like a- an excuse.
Antagonist; at least you know what you're doing!
Alright, let's go that route. Let's do it!
LET'S DO IT!
OH, I FEEL SO BAD!
And the worst things is I have a funny feeling down the road I'm not gonna feel bad!
Eh shit, SORRY BUDDY! Oh, sorry! Sorry. Sorry. Sorry
"Sandbox mode unlocked"; so you can kill with reckless abandon!
FEEL NO GUILT FOR YOUR- there's another weird floating arm and leg.
Hup! Hep! Hup. Aaaaaah.
Boink! BOINK! Yup, I was a 100% right; I don't feel nearly as ba- ooooh my God,
how did that gu- what HAPPENED to that guy?? What happened to him???
Ooooh GOD. AAAAAAAH
Are we done? Great. Can I go home, now?
Oh, I am home? Great. M'kay. Good for meeeee...
*Grudge inhale*
Good for meeeee...
Oh man, Mana Powerplant.
Alright, I'm gonna try use my Power Gauntlet next time, you know cause,
I don't think I was doing nearly good enough, in the previous round so,
I gotta make sure that death befalls everybody possible.
'Kay, how do I--is it like a-- "Spells"? Oh, there we go.
Eh- WHOA! ... AAAAAAAH! Oh, geezems! Oh gee, Scoob!
Oh gee, Scoob...
Oh my God, I crippled them! Oh Geez!!
Oh, God, he was crawling for his life! Oh man!
OH MAN! Oh, this ain't good... Oh, this is the opposite of good.
Hello, boink. *remorseful, empathetic noise*
*more noises*
Oh GAAAWD!
This is so horrible...
And this is wha- this is wh- this is the type of game that I would play like, as a kid, in school.
Just like, I-I'm obviously putting too much thought into it, it's just a game obviously.
Oh, brutality bonus YEAAAAH! Is there such a thing as a Pacifist bonus??
Minus 2... what does that MEAN?? Ooooh! That's like my alignment is
getting more BRUTAL as time goes on. Eh, who am I to complain about it,
I'm choosing this, so, I guess-- alright. Here we goooo!
More, moar MORE! MORE MURDER! YEAAAAH!!
I guess? Okay...
Oh, geez, BOINK! Habbidaboink!
Boink! Boinkiddy!
*Splat noise*
Hep-- no get that gimme!
Pam!
Uh-oh!
Boink! Blam! Boink, boink blam!
Yo-you blam! Oh geez. BOW! Sorry!
Hey, look! *murder noise* Oh, geez...
Hey, look! *murder noise* Oh geez (x2)
Hey, look! Oh, I'm out of mana. YOU'RE LUCKY!!
Well, not really, cause you still got smashed into the ground!
*Murder noises*
Oh geez, OH GEEZ,
Hello! Welcome to the party! HABOOF!
Man! What kinda greedy deity is just mashing up villagers, you know, he could ASK. I guess...?
He could demand taxes, I mean if a Giant floating hand is trying his best to go for these people,
then you know, it's gonna be bad.
And you know what, you know what. I'm actually gonna- cause I don't think I'm
gonna do a full play through of this. I'm gonna show you "Defend you Castle".
I'm gonna show you the other game that's a part of this... if I can find it...
Alright, so "Defend your Castle" came out before that other game and when this game was playing through,
it didn't seem nearly as bad, cause number one; stick figures, and whenever it's stick figures involved
it doesn't seem so bad for... some f*cking reason, I don't know why.
But also, it seemed like THEY were the antagonists, but now it's even more cruel knowing that,
somehow, someway, YOU were the cause of all this.
Goodbye! Oh geez... Oh, and the sound effects are just so stock but brut- AAAUUGH!
So stock but brutal!
Uh!
Eh!
eh!
Like, like you killed-- goddammit! Fuck- what are you... okay, I just gotta drop them from high enough.
Throwing them isn't the mechanic in this one, you just gotta drop 'em up.
HEP!
Or toss 'em up. Whatever way you wanna do it.
It's still bad.
YEAAAAH! I survived!
So-- oh yeah, there were upgrades in this one too!!
You build a temple. For them to worship you in!
"Sore wrist"? What does this mean? Oh,
So, yeah! That's "Defend your Castle", I'll play one more round but,
not much more than that, I don't know how much my heart can take.
Cause at the end, you- the casualties start climbing cause, you get like,
you get like bonus dudes on your parapets over here, and they help you murder even more.
Which is ALWAYS good, and then you start flinging up with reckless abandon,
and then you get, like, slowed down and you can't kill them fast enough.
and you're just an ENDLESS SPREE OF MURDERING
UNTIL YOUR SOUL LEAVES YOUR BODY
AND YOU NEVER FEEL ANY FEELINGS EVER AGAIN!!
*whiny noise*
Any, that's all the game is so, that's probably all I'm gonna play for now.
Thank you guys for being so patient, I'm sorry that the videos are so late
Yesterday I was filming up with Matthias, and I filmed like um, we recorded
I re-recorder a bunch of let's plays, and also we recorder 8 challenge videos while I was up there,
So, those are gonna start coming out pretty soon, pretty sure like, every Friday from now on
we're gonna be doing those and, thank you for the patience. This morning I got up, so tired,
and then I spilled coffee all over my keyboard, and then I had to go out and
then I had to go out and get a new keyboard, and now I'm here and it's late and
blah blah blah (Hey, it's important to us, dammit)
I'm an asshole, but thank you guys for being so patient, there WILL be another video today
so don't be worrying about that I'll be working on it right after this one.
So thanks again, everybody, for watching,
And as always, I will see you
In the next video!
BUH-BYE!!
[Video preview] "Aww, it's so sad! Oh ho! OH NOOO!
[Other video] "HI?! WAIT NO WHAT WHAT NO WHAT, YOU AIN'T GONNA JUST GLOSS BY THAT ONE!"