G'day, A.J. Mahari, here
you know i have courses coming announcing them soon but what i want to say in this video so
people with bpd especially untreated have a lot of difficulties it's relational impossibility
communication and possibility responsibility taking impossibility when they're untreated
bpd is not a broken brain bpd is not in the physical brain bp is not hardwired into the brain
the things that are seen on studies for people with bpd about you know differences in brain
structures or the way the brain operates in part can all be healed in psychodynamic therapy
because of neuroplasticity as well as the emotional healing
it changes the neurobiology if you will not to say that that's the issue of what bpd is but more to
the point if you're with somebody with bpd or you have been for a while dating someone relationship
any relationship type and they're not in treatment they have not had significant treatment
again if it's a chosen relationship you really need to work on radically accepting it's not
going to work out there's nothing you can do you can't rescue them you can't change
them you can't fix them but what you can do as a person with codependency is realize that
you can't stop you can't continue to run from your own pain and run from your own self this
is a codependent externalizing out repetition compulsion in what is codependency a dysfunctional
unhealthy relational pattern in its own right so it's really important that you realize that if
you haven't already and the gravity of that and why the only way to recover it makes any sense
from these relationships and maybe a parent you know uh with with with bpd or npd as well
or unem emotionally unavailable parents but you've been wounded in childhoods you have codependency
and that's not like some light issue and i'm not comparing it to bpd but there are overlaps
codependency will overlaps bpd a little bit and around to dependent personality but it's sort of
in the middle there but what's really important for you as a codependent to know today is
interjection which is the opposite of projection and projection are not just a domain of people
with borderline personality by any means and people are significant to severe codependency
you have your own set of introjects layered within also injunctions
that come from childhood that are likely not in your conscious mind right now i'm out here to work
with you and help you to heal and recover from the relationship and codependency and your childhood
because it's it's so vitally important but if you resonate with me i'm not here to help
you because there is no substitute there is no other way to go about this process but therapy
and anyone who thinks there is well you can try whatever you like
but you're not going to get where you want to go you're not going to get where you want to be
you're not going to find who you really are and more to the point you're not going to heal to the
point where you can have you can be an independent person capable of a very healthy relationship so
this idea about interjection everybody has interjections interjections
happen unconsciously so an interject is interjecting something is when you take on
something a belief maybe you learn a new fact about something and you take it in and it's
relevant to you or you're believing it etc and it might color or help your decisions there are
positive interjections and negative interjections so to interject is to take in information feelings
thoughts concerns worries problems and the people if you have a codependency of someone else right
so you you take that in and it doesn't even happen in a conscious way
and then people with codependency wonder why would they with an untreated borderline
why am i losing myself why do i feel like i'm borderline now why do i feel like well it's not
some contagion it's not some infection there's no hyperbole and histrionics about it here
it's just the reality that you're interjecting from the environment never mind what they're
projecting on to you that they're not even consciously aware of what they're projecting
on you or why because it's defense maladaptive and no excuse for poor behavior and worse but
they're projecting out onto you and then you're introjecting what they're projecting on to you
it doesn't belong to you so this is something else i'm out here to help clients understand and i have
a whole course coming on this that will really inform you so people with codependency everybody
interjects so and if you're not consciously aware of that and you don't understand about that about
yourself you can go read about it if you want but it's not going to help you emotionally
that so so codependents interject things from the person with bpd specifically is
what this video is about and then you wonder why you're losing yourself more and so that's
permeable you know interjection does take place unconsciously like i said and in early childhood
every single human being goes through interjection and the difference is or or has that experience
it's normal and healthy in the beginning and the difference between people with
codependency and people with bpd is that some of those interjects interjections will have
been really negative and they create negative core beliefs for people with codependency and they do
separate you somewhat from yourself wound your inner child you're not a fully integrated person
but for people with bpd it's a whole different experience it's more more primal adverse
experience and so when they interject what they interject they can't get out of the good bad of
the interject because everybody in childhood in the beginning of life experiences good bad split
of interject of object other but most people going through early childhood
uh development without an emotional rest but to some degree some compromise not in early childhood
development necessarily but after that for people who have codependency so make no mistake about it
you're interjecting as well and you do interject a lot from the borderline and that's an unconscious
process they're not making you do that they can't make you do that and then you project people's
codependency project as well healthy people project the only differences we usually catch it
we're aware of it consciously and then so interjection is the opposite of projection simply
interjection means you're taking from out there or someone else into yourself without realizing
it in an unconscious way beliefs about yourself you're feeling bad because they say you're bad
for example this is really simplistically so interjection and projection yes it is
very predominant in bpd to the extreme and it's very impacting to people but people bp
are unconscious they are not consciously aware of how they impact you doesn't excuse anything
but it should give you pause to think about why do you think that you can try this again
why are you still there why do you think that you can make the impossible possible
when you have your own issues in this unhealthy bond that you need to take care of for you
because if you don't make no mistake about it not only are you psychologically and
your mental health is being affected and you're losing yourself more to the introject taking
on of what the person with bpd puts out in the environment whether they say it directly to you
or not that's happening and you're responsible for that they aren't they're responsible for what they
say they're responsible for bad deeds they do etc but they're not responsible for your interjecting
that's your responsibility and to become more consciously aware about that and what that means
and how negative that's going to be how that's going to intersect
inside of you with the injunctions you learned in childhood of course coming that will explain
all of this the injunctions that the negative ones don't do don't be yourself kind of the way
codependency forms is like you get a message of like do for me in other words the parent
and never mind you you don't matter our feelings so interjects by people with codependency
rampant in childhood just like people with borderline personality or people who today
had healthier environments and parents to interject healthier more positive interjects and
injunctions from so injunctions are usually highly negative and yes interjection is the opposite of
projection but people's codependency are not only interjecting the negativity and the blame etc
and the guilt of person with bpd externalizing out their primal wounded interjects
it's a vicious cycle and it's interplay in the unhealthy bond so it's not just that interjection
projection or projective identification is only in the defense mechanism structure or
reality of somebody with bpd at all so think about that i'd like to know what you think
about that please leave a comment please like the video if it was informative or gave you some poop
or thought or maybe resonated or you're like i don't know i don't like hearing this but you know
thumbs up please support the channel if you haven't subscribed please do please engage
with the channel because you know uh you'll help me to help others if i'm helping you if
that makes any sense so i'm out here to work with people that i resonate with one-on-one as well
and you can go to ajmahara.ca to check that out if you'd like and in the meantime i have much
more coming on this so people with codependency this was just one area where i quickly went over
and i will have courses coming on this for you to really help you through it and where
you can work with me one-on-one get through it in a whole different way a very interactive and
healing way uh you need you need to take personal responsibility for you right now
not what they've done to you take your own personal responsibility right now
and yes you need to radically accept that an untreated borderline is an untreated borderline
and that makes a relationship impossible and you having significant or severe codependency
not going to make it more possible for sure it's going to add into the impossibility factor and you
need to take responsibility for you today because you're the only one that you have agency over
and you're the only one that you can change and you can't do it while you're trying to rescue fix
and you're enabling and trying to be the hero in the codependent externalizing out patterns of the
unhealthy relational pattern that codependency is why are you running so hard from you
and from your pain by focusing on everything to do with bpd so much so that the inaccurate sources
out there of hype hyperbolic histrionic ridiculous information are garnering more tension yeah the
drama and the chaos of it all so i can help anybody heal so you need to take responsibility
today for yourself if you haven't already radically accepting that people with untreated bpd
and people with codependency cannot make healthy relationships and the sooner you know that and
the sooner you radically accept that and then deal with the pain of that in therapy i'm out here by
resonating with you the more likely you are to not have to get into the situation of having a family
in a very unhealthy dynamic that creates an environment for children
where their interjects are going to be very negative and then their projection is going to be
strongly negative and they're going to have codependency at best and or bpd or npd at worst
don't forget the overlaps of codependency take it seriously you really need your own treatment
your own recovery and you need to get out the relationship and if you can't do that right now
or you don't know what to do as many people have commented on the channel
if i resonate with you you know you can book sessions with me and we can talk about that
i meet clients wherever you're at you don't have to have it all figured out you don't have to be
broken up yet maybe you want to try some other tack but the point is if they're untreated and
you have codependency that's a double whammy against it's the aggregate of the impossibility
of the communication and the relationships and i'm not putting more of the responsibility for
that on people with codependency but let's not mince that anymore right because you can't hold
an untreated borderline accountable you can try they should be yes but you can't get it done
so is today going to be the day that you stop running from you is today gonna be the day
that you're gonna face the reality that you need to radically accept that you're not gonna get
what you want that what you had wasn't was more of an illusion than anything else unfortunately and
that you need to do something about that now for your own mental and physical health
so let me know what you think of the comments where are you at with this how did you hear
what i said and and you know a lot of people have been in live streams of mine over the past
you know whatever recently and otherwise and you know claiming to be so over the relationship
claiming to be so much better or recovered from codependency or really in the recovery process
but comments in live streams don't reflect that so i'm here to keep it real to help you heal
straight up accurate information going to have courses coming going to be really in-depth
and they will be an adjunct really to working with me not a replacement but therapy either
so anyway what do you think would really appreciate comments thumbs up if this gave
you food for thought or resonated or was helpful even if maybe it ticked you off a little bit hey
interact with the channel so that more people can find the channel if in fact you feel like anything
i've got to say here has ever helped you so engage and break out if this is the case for you break
out of your fondant codependency and find your voice share something ask a question support
someone else anyway i hope that was helpful or food for thought maybe it was really not what you
want to hear but guess what you're going to heal and recover these relationships will not work out
and you're going to have to like take this in hear it and radically accept it sooner or later and the
choice is yours and for people of codependency that choice alone for your responsibility taking
for you who you have agency over and who you can change and not focusing on the person with bpd
it's not you can't just do it it's not that easy but the bottom line is you've got to get into
action for your own healing and taking care of yourself sooner rather than later because
every day that goes by month or year that you don't do that you are responsible for
increasing your own suffering you can't blame the borderline for everything and whatever you
can blame them for more to the point you need to work it through and let it go and not be saying
because blaming keeps codependent stuck in increasing their suffering as well