This video is on why isn't my ex chasing me? By the time you're done watching this video,
you're going to know why your ex isn't chasing you and what you can do to actually get them
interested in connecting with you more, initiating contact with you more, initiating getting
together and meeting up, all that sort of stuff. But first, my name is Clay with modernlove.life,
where we help you get the great loving relationship that you're looking for, without having to
play mind games, without having to play hard to get, and without having to pretend to be
someone or something that you are not, because you deserve to be loved for the unique, amazing
and wonderful person that you are. And if you agree with me, please do me a favor
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In this video, we're going to be talking about your ex's emotional connection, so if you
do want to learn more about how to connect better with your ex on an emotional level,
we do have our course called The Ex Solution Program. You can find that down in the description
box below this video. You can learn more about it if it's right for you. Feel free to sign
up. If it's not right for you, no worries, not going to twist your arm.
But let's go ahead and talk about this. So your ex is not chasing you and maybe you've
done some of that mind game stuff that you've seen on all the other videos that you had
to slog through before you found me, but it's not working. Why is that? Okay. So let's look
at this backwards and say, okay, what needs to happen for your ex to chase you? Well,
they have to believe that interacting with you is going to feel good emotionally. They
have to believe that there's going to be some sort of benefit for them to contact you, to
initiate something with you, to meet up with you, to spend time with you, to maybe do something
else with you. They have to think that there's going to be some sort of benefit in this.
And if they don't believe that there's some sort of benefit in this for them, they're
probably not going to do it. There's another reason that they might not
do it as well too. We'll get to that in a moment. But if they don't believe that there's
a benefit in doing this, it could be based on where the emotional connection is at. Were
the past couple of interactions that the two of you had with one another, were they not
so great? I mean, maybe you're in damage control mode. Maybe you did or said some things that
maybe came across as desperate or over-invested, or something like that. If that's the case,
then that could definitely be something that you need to address.
Now, again, that is why we do talk about advanced relational skills. That's why we do talk about
connecting more on an emotional level, so that we can make sure that when we do interact
with our ex, it actually is feeling good for them emotionally, which makes them say, "Hey,
that was a good experience. Maybe I should go out of my way to do that again. Maybe I
should go out of my way to connect with you again. Maybe I should go out of my way to
contact you again." Right? So it's simply just about building up the emotional connection.
And so, if you haven't already, please go ahead and check out our video playlist on
advanced relational skills, that you can learn more about what these are, how they can help
you, how you can start to cultivate them, so on and so forth.
But yeah, so you want to really say, okay, if they're going to chase me, it has to be
because they believe interacting with me is going to feel good and be some sort of benefit
in their life. There's this belief that we all want where we can't have, and so you have
to play hard to get and all that stuff. But the thing is, is even if you play hard to
get, and even if you're scarce and it's hard to pin you down or something like that, get
your mind out of the gutter. I mean, pin you down logistically, not amorous sort of way.
If just trying to get a hold of you is a hard thing, they're not going to go out of the
way to do it, because if the interactions with you aren't causing them to feel good
and feel close and feel connected, and they're not getting some sort of benefit out of it,
then I'm just being scarce isn't good. It's not something that they would go out of their
way to do. Case in point, I am obviously a man, and that
means that I will biologically not be able to give birth to a child. As much as I do
love my daughter, I do not desire to feel my body being ripped apart from the inside
out through the experience of labor. That is not something that I would desire to do.
And simply because I cannot do this does not mean that I want to do this. It doesn't mean
that I am going out of my way to try to experience this, because it would hurt I'm told. It would
be very painful I'm told. And I would probably not enjoy the experience. So just because
you can't do something, just because something is scarce, just because something is limited,
just because something is restricted and behind the velvet rope from you doesn't necessarily
mean that you're going to want to go ahead and do it.
And the same is true when it comes to your ex connecting with you and initiating things
with you. If they don't think that interacting with you is going to bring the two of you
closer together, if they don't think that it's going to be a benefit for them, if they
don't think that it's going to feel good, if they don't think that there's a payoff
in it for them, they're not going to want to do it.
So what we want to do is we want to actually show them that, yeah, being in contact with
you is a valuable thing and it's going to be something that's going to be a positive
thing for them in their experience. And so, that's what you got to do, first and foremost,
is demonstrate to them that the two of you can have positive interactions and that's
going to really inspire them to want to go out of the way to connect with you even more.
Okay? So it's not that we all want what we can't
have, it's that we want what is valuable. We want things that are going to be valuable
to us, whatever those might be, whether that is a nice massage or something like that.
We want that, because it is valuable. Whether that is someone telling us that we look very
beautiful, whether that is someone hitting the thumbs up button on the YouTube video
that they're watching right now, that's something that we want, because it feels good.
And so, don't think that you need to play hard to get. Don't think that you need to
play mind games. Don't think that you need to be scarce or something like that. Can those
things work? Sure, but you have to be something that they already want to begin with. Okay?
That is something that needs to come into place, first and foremost. A lot of people
are missing this. A lot of other videos that you might see from other people are missing
this fact. But don't forget that. The other reason that you're ex might not
chase you, even if interacting with you does feel good, is because they could have their
own emotional hangups, right? So there could be this emotional barrier that they have to
reach through before they can actually go ahead and contact you. And these emotions
can be all sorts of things. They can be things like, Hey, maybe they feel guilty for hurting
you, maybe they sat down and they had the whole breakup talk with you. And maybe you
cried, a lot of us do when we are on the receiving end of a breakup. Not that I ever cried, but
if I did, I might've done it during a breakup. They might feel guilty about that, and so
they have to think to themselves, well, gee, should I initiate things? I feel bad for hurting
them before. Am I just hurting them even more by being in contact with them? So we have
to address these sorts of things. So they might think, Oh, I don't know how I feel about
them. I don't know how we fit into each other's lives. What if I'm just stringing them along?
I don't want to be that D-bag that strings someone along. That's not who I want to be.
Maybe I should just hold myself back. And so, there's also the emotional component
as well, too. So what we need to do, as well, is address the emotional component about why
your ex might not be reaching out to you as well, too. So obviously, yeah, show them that
interacting with you can be a positive benefit in their life, but also decrease the amount
of negative emotions that they might have to reach through in order to actually be in
communication with you. Do this by letting them know that, Hey, let's
not focus on where this is going or anything like that. Let's just enjoy connecting with
one another. Or let them know that you don't feel guilty, that you understand why they
did what they needed to do when they broke up with you, or whatever the case may be.
Use that empathy muscle to feel into the moment and figure out what is holding them back from
reaching forward and initiating contact with you, or suggesting getting together, or even
chasing you. Right? So these are the important things that you
really need to take into account when you're looking at why your ex might not be chasing
you. You need to look at, okay, is there an actual benefit for them to be in contact with
you? It's not just enough that you're doing mind games. It's not just enough that you're
sending some nebulous message, like, Hey, I got something really important to tell you.
Let me know when you can talk, or something like that. And then they'll be like, Oh, what
could the important thing be? Let me contact. It has to be something meaningful that's a
positive benefit for them in their life. They have to feel something positive when they're
interacting with you. Otherwise, they're not going to feel compelled to actually chase
you. The other thing is that they have to have
any of those emotional barriers removed, whether that's guilt, whether that's shame, whether
that's embarrassment, whether that's doubt, whether that's feeling confused on their end,
whether that's anything else. You have to, again, use that empathy muscle to figure out,
what could be holding them back? And then, start to release those emotions
by just letting them know, Hey, just so you know, I totally understand why you broke up
with me, so don't feel bad about that if that's something that you're feeling bad about, or
whatever the case may be. Use empathy so you can clear away those emotional obstacles.
And once that happens and once the two of you actually start having positive interactions,
so that they can see that being in contact with you is a benefit for them, then you can
expect them to initiate more, contact you more, maybe even chase you.
So anyway, hope this has helped you out. Once again, my name is Clay with modernlove.life.
If you did like this video, if you found it helpful, please do me a favor by hitting that
thumbs up button. It does help us out. It helps other people find this channel. So please
do a guy a favor. Also subscribe so that you can get notifications when we post and upload
new videos. Or if you want to learn more about all this emotional connection stuff, we do
have our course called The Ex Solution Program. You can find info on it down below in the
description box. If it's right for you, feel free to sign up. If it's not right for you,
no worries. Anyway, thank you so much for watching this
video. If you do want to learn more about your ex's emotional world and connecting with
them, here's a video playlist on what we call advanced relational skills. Or, on the other
hand, you might want to check out this video right here. Once again, thank you so much.
Take care and I'll talk to you in the next video.