Oh, hello, viewers!
Welcome to the Dix motel
You're now officially checking in, but let me check you out.
As you.. is that the natural..? .. as you know
It's Halloween
Our darkest and deepest fears come to light
Wait a second!
I feel more like Drake now!
So, join me as I analyse your greatest fears
In the Dix motel .. of fears!
“What's in this box,” you might ask
The answer is nothing, because it's simply some set design
Let me tell you one thing about the Dix motel, it's been in my family for generations
It's the first time I've been here, but I feel very at home
busted
Someone left their gloves here before
It must have been that hot fling I had!
I'm here to check in to the Co-star Dix motel
Coster Dix? That's my name, not Co-star
Coster Dix?
- Yeah, it's Coster, that's my name, Coster. -I thought it was because you are my co-star.
No, otherwise, I woul.. no!
better call down, check out the vegan options
Hello, Co-star? is that my co-star?
sorry, hi.. no, it's Coster
Coster, not co-star, like two different ..it's Coster
that's my name ..it's French Canadian, so
ooh!
and also, just..just for the record, this isn't connected to a phone line
No, 'cause we're in sound stage two
So, this particular set room is actually directly adjacent to the lobby set, so
You just call me, I'll come through
- It's just you gave me a key to my room - don't need .. don't need
Don't even need it.
- Don't even need it. - Wow! you know there's this whole thing called magic
Magic? You've seen my videos?
- No! - Are you heterosexual?
Noo!
Save that for later then, no worries
I'm just saying that there's that thing called magic, when you're in a set, you don't break
- Break ? - ..character.
Break props?
So.. like the ph-.. yeah, I mean
- Yeah - That's what it is just about, you don't accidentally..
Do you like your room?
I mean..
The heating doesn't work?
No, it's quite cold, isn't?
Yeah, but some of the lights that are projected on your face to make you look a bit more attractive for this particular video..
They emanate heat, so
I mean, yeah, but, I mean, I don't need those lights
- I mean, we could have done without them - You need your lights
- If anything .. - No, no, no, you need.. you need the lights
- No, if anything you need the lights. - You need ... you need lights, so
- OK, you need um.. - That's fine
So, is there anything I could get you, vegan options?
-Yeah, I mean.. - Let's talk them through
Tell me your vegan options
- OK, so, we do - Do you want to ?
Yeah, no .. OK ..pff.. OK
I mean, I didn't mean it like that, but
We do..um..a lovely reindeer brof
um..It's vegan because we only take the fur out of the reindeer
And then, what you do is, .. and then, this is actually threaded together from all the previous guests
And here it's, that's what you've got for you heating; no need for lights.
How do you get it so clean?
Well, we only use white reindeers
Alright, so, I think you're all set
If there's anything else you need, just..
don't hesitate to call
'cause, you know, that's blasted wall, that's not a real wall
So, I can probably hear you
And that also counts if you're doing things on your own in here
If you need to dial out the country, you just ..um..shout louder!
Diana, welcome to your room!
I don't usually sit on the guests' beds.
Because it's not really protocol..at the.. Dix motel.
But I thought I'd introduce you to my dog Wilma
Well, hi, Wilm-
Don't touch her, she's highly aggressive!
Well, she was, but I sorted that out earlier
What's your deepest fear?
I have many.
One of them is being alone, I have a huge fear of abandonment
Interesting. Wait! I sense that
What I'm sensing, just from knowing you in like the last .. I don't know .. couple of hours that we've tried to set up the camera,
is that you have this huge fear of abandonment
- mhmm - which stems from the fact that your dad doesn't love you
Yeah, he doesn't love me
No, no, no. What you don't understand is he DOESN'T love you
You know, every single Christmas and birthday I hope for a card, and then every year I remember, he doesn't love me
My deepest fears arrrrre
Not achieving what I want to achieve by a certain age..
Are you looking for more Halloween-y fears?
Ghosts and goblins are my scarie-
Your mom is quite scary.
Your biggest cliché fear.. hit them with it
Is it being claustrophobic?
I'm very claustrophobic!
Really? Are you?
Yeah
Small space!
You're not claustrophobic, you've just lied to me
If you were to say to me, 'Rose, what's your biggest fear?'
Wet ass is certainly it
Yeah, but, you smelling the like of wet ass, or ?
Yeah, like it was emanating from my own wet bottom
Diana, I'm gonna give you a few things that are..
..somewhat scary, and you've got to say which one you find the scariest
OK
Number one, commitment.
I used to find that scary, but then I took the plunge
Number two, ...vaginal dryness.
oh, I've had that before. I've just..just got off the pill, but, yeah, it's a dark place
Number three, Seth Rogan movies
I love those
They don't scare me one bit
Vaginal dryness is one of your biggest fears, is it?
Good job you came to the base mo- .. I mean, the Dix motel
Because no one leaves here vaginally dry
I hope YouTube approves this video
I want you to leave knowing that you are welcome back anytime
There's a corpse under the bed, and some of your ex-boyfriends probably..
oh, no, there's not enough bed space
But please feel free to visit us at Christmas time
We do a two-for-one deal
And you're bisexual, so, you probably like that
make sure you come back next year,
and perhaps we would have upped our budget
to actually employ actors with a script and not just improv on the day
Thank you, to the YouTube space
who probably wanted us to plan something a little bit more coherent
Make sure to like, comment, and subscribe to the Dix motel
And who knows, maybe next time, we'll be checking you out
It's the second time I've used that joke, but I like to think it's still very very fun....ny
< prolonged creepy evil laugh>
No, but really subscribe
Bye!
Stop laughing, this is all improv!
make sure you don't trip as you leave
< trip sound> Rosie: Oh!
Oh, too late!
Excellent cue!
Rosie: Thanks!