So me and Hila never had a very conventional relationship.
The way that we make a living,
the things that we've done to get by.
Everything that we've done together has been pretty bizarre.
When I first met Hila I was in a pretty dark place.
I had an anxiety disorder and socializing was extremely difficult for me.
And this story is about the one brave moment I had in the midst of all my anxiety.
That changed my life forever.
Well, like I said, me and Hila's life has been pretty bizarre and the way we met is no exception.
Because me and Hila met...
At the Holocaust museum.
When we tell people this story, I think most people is a mixture between shock and disbelief.
They always love it though.
Hila: Yeah. Ethan: But it's true. It's true.
Me and Hila met...
and fell in love...
Hila: *giggle*
at a Holocaust museum.
I'm not really sure where to start this story because I feel I need to give a little backstory,
to kinda frame where I was at the time.
I was in the middle of college and I was having a very serious existential crisis, where...
I was super anxious and super depressed.
Like generalized anxiety disorder
Like, I was crippled by it.
And I had a hard time socializing with people at the time,
because I was just so anxious and in my head all the time.
It was probably the worst time of my life.
And I was already planning to do this Birthright trip for like half a year already.
But I was so messed up in my head that I...
...I honestly didn't want to go.
And I thought about canceling it.
Because I didn't think I could deal with
the social interactions
and just being around people,
while I was in such a bad head space.
Right before I went off to college,
I started having really severe panic attacks,
and I was pretty sure that I was losing my mind.
There were points when I wouldn't sleep for days on end.
And it took all my energy and concentration just to pretend to be normal on the inside.
Most people thought of me then as a relaxed, kicked back guy.
But underneath I was suffering most of the time.
It's taken me a full decade to get to a normal place since then.
And I'm still grappling with some of the issues I had.
But the choice to go to Israel despite my overwhelming desire to stay at home and feel safe is what led me to the path of recovery.
Because when I met Hila, everything in my life started to get better.
I don't know something in me was just like don't miss this opportunity.
Like you feel like shit, it's probably gonna be awkward and you're gonna hate it but you can't like miss this opportunity to go there
because you're not gonna get to go again.
So just go suffer through it, and do it.
So I ended up going regardless.
Even though I really really honestly didn't feel like going at all.
Now, you're asking "What is Birthright?"
Which is kind of the setting for this whole story.
What is Birthright to you, Hila?
To me, I was, I was in the army,
um, in Israel,
because it's mandatory and everyone has got to do it.
In my.. there's different ways you could do the army,
like different kinds of jobs.
You can have like a daily thing
where you go.. it's kind of like, its like a 9 to 5 thing
and then you come back home everyday
and it really feels like a job.
And I did that for the first month and I was really- I really hated it,
it's like a shitty job that you don't even get paid for.
So I applied for like a change of job, or base, I don't know how to.. say it
and it's like, it's a pretty weird process where you just get something randomly.
Like you don't know what you're gonna get.
It was in a base next to Jerusalem,
in Ramla
Oooooh,
And,
What about, so Ramla
if you guys don't know is like
one of the most dangerous cities in Jerusalem-
it's just like, a ton of terrorists there.
You take the wrong street down Ramla, boy, it be your last wrong turn.
You don't take the wrong street.
It's that bad?
Yeah.
It was like a weekly thing, you go, you spend the whole week there
you get to go back home for the weekend,
and sometimes you also stay the weekend,
like every three weeks, you stay the weekend, something like that.
I never heard of Birthright,
and then some people around there told me
you can take this trip, and it's just a free vacation for a whole week.
And like the army's cool with it,
they're sending you there.
That's crazy.
So I was like "What?"
Best deal ever, for everybody.
So I had no idea what it was gonna be,
it was just like a free vacation around Israel with some American tourists.
American cuties,
Some Beanie Slinging American Hotties (BSAH)
Some THICC BOYS
Did they tell you about the THICC BOYS?
No. They didn't mention that? That's weird.
*Piano music starts*
Joining the army, in the beginning, is really difficult.
It's like a real shock.
They really grind you all day.
You get, maybe, five hours of sleep at best...
In tents. And you're just all day running around doing stuff
And I remember the first weekend that I came back home
I was just at my parents' house and all of a sudden
thinking about the time was like such a luxury.
Like... I had the whole day to do whatever I want.
You also don't make a lot of money when you're in the army,
so for a long time I was working on the weekends.
So it was a pretty intense schedule
to go back home and have two days of weekend
and then also try to manage to do some shifts at work to get some money.
And so when I heard I could go on a week vacation, all paid, that was like a true miracle.
You get a week off from work, or army, all paid for,
I didn't ask any questions
I was just, yes, I'll go
*Music fades out*
So for me,
Birthright is this really weird thing,
From people outside, it's weird, from inside, it's still weird.
There's rich Jews in Europe, UK, Canada, US,
who give tons of cash,
tons of money,
to the state of Israel for the purpose of bringing young Jews on this trip to Israel
to "connect" with their Jewish heritage.
It's like the most glorified version of JewDate.net
And they bring in, they have, they handpick these beautiful Israeli soldiers,
they bring over all these young, American kids and they're like... Hila: They don't pick beautiful people.
[Hila]: They don't pick beautiful people. ...they're like "Okay guys, you know what to do!"
Right? It's JewDate.net/HilaKleiners. What up HilaKleiners?
It's kinda, it's kind of a strange thing that you need to be Jewish
because it is very Zionistic, it is very, like, racial right?
But uh, I didn't care about the Zionistic thing,
I don't think anyone there really does,
they're just like, "Oh, a free, free trip to Israel.
Something that I could never afford, and something that sounds, really great."
So anyway, we're on Birthright, I'm in Israel,
super anxious, I'm not really getting along, with people that much.
I'm just, I'm really in my head, I feel like
crap, all the time,
But, you know, I'm just, I'm trying to do my thing.
And the uh, the soldiers,
Hila's soldiers,
they join, after a couple of days we've already been there.
And there's this girl that's, flippin' tall,
and beautiful, and she's got these huge blue eyes
and I was like "What?"
and she's got like black hair,
that is in crazy contrast to her blue eyes,
and I'm there, I'm there like
in the corner, like minding my own business, and I'm like,
"Is anyone seeing this? Is anyone seeing this shit?"
Right?
No.
I was like, "Damn is anyone seeing this shit"
I'm looking around like,
I was probably at my fattest point then,
And I had like a beard, I didn't shave,
do you remember that?
I looked like a Hasid almost,
I was like a mess,
I felt like,
I don't know how I looked, but I felt like
at my most, all-time, unattractive, ever, right?
I just felt like, compelled, to try to
approach her, and speak to her,
cause I'm sitting here like,
No one else is looking at this, and I'm like,
"You guys seeing this, or what?"
It's like, there's like a fat like
freshly baked, like,
chicken!
And it's dank, and it smells good, it's on the table. Hila: [Laughs]
And everyone's just walking by
and I'm sitting and it's like this
bomb ass chicken
you can say like, uh
ice cream, like why chicken?
and I'm like anyone seeing this
and everyone is just walking by like they don't smell it
and shit, and I'm like
no one wants a bite of this?
Kind of a strange analogy but it works, right
so I felt like, at my most disgusting
and in my head space I was at my worst in my whole life
And I just felt like I need to talk to this girl
um...
There's something about her I just,
You had this cool thing where you were kind of like an outsider
You were quiet.
That's what I was going to say,
I feel like you were also kind of an outsider.
Yeah.
And that's why we both kind of, like, sensed the outsider.
Yeah. We're that cool-ass kids' Breakfast Club.
A club of two people who don't belong anywhere.
That's true, you know, that's so true, I do feel like that still to this day.
We were with a group of about forty people,
And this photo pretty much represents how I felt at the time.
It was a hot, muggy Israeli summer day,
And we were planning a trip to Jerusalem.
And, among other things, a trip to the Holocaust Museum.
It's honestly quite beautiful in the northern part of Israel.
The landscape and architecture is so different there, it was really interesting to see.
But honestly, the last thing I expected to find up there was the love of my life.
The first day we were in Jerusalem, you guys joined, and yeah, we were on our way to the Holocaust Museum in Jerusalem, yeah.
[Hila]: And then I remember that at the museum was the first time we like,
[Ethan]: Caught eyes.
We're like, "what up?"
I've been, I was watching you like, fresh big chicken, and I was like, "Oh shit"
[Hila]: I don't like being a chicken!
[Ethan]: I was like, "Fuuuck dude, I-"
We were eating, like, pizzas outside which was like, sealed the fate,
We were, like, eating Papa John pizzas outside the Holocaust Museum,
and I think that was the first time we caught eyes.
And I was like, I was looking at her like, [Hila]: Okay, no more chicken!
Nah, I'm kidding, I'm kidding
But I just, I remember looking over at her
and caught her like dead in the eyes and I was like
And I was like, "Oh cool, she knows that I exist."
I thought that was dope.
And I think we went into the Holocaust museum and were like, um...
Trying to peep that out, trying to get the experience and stuff
and I didn't know what compelled me but
I felt like that was an appropriate time to approach you
Something about the Holocaust museum was just like
This, this is appropriate
Yeah
This is the right time to say what up
I think I went up to her and I said something like
"How 'bout all these Jews, huh? Am I right?"
Really? I don't remember. [Ethan]: No I didn't.
No, I think I said something like, "They had it coming,
don't you think?"
Something like that.
Naah, I didn't say anything like that.
I wonder if you would have laughed though.
They had it coming, don't you think?
But I, I was compelled. I had to talk to her.
And we, we started talking and just like you know it was kinda just like chummy
Very chummy.
What is chummy?
Like old friends, right?
You chummed right? You chummed. We chummed.
We chummed, apparently.
We definitely chummed
I remember the first time like I pushed myself to come say "hi" to you.
And I was so nervous, I was so anxious about it
And I had like thought about what I would say
or how I would approach you
and I was so in my head
and everything was making it way worse
but I knew, just like the same thing
when I was like "I have to do this trip"
no matter how bad I feel, no matter how I don't want to take easy route
and just not do it
I have to do this! I have to do this!
I had the same mentality
When I saw you there. I was like " I don't want to this. It's extremely uncomfortable, BUT I HAVE TO DO THIS."
And I went
And you know, I felt horrible, it was super scary.
And I just went up to you
and I was just like "hey dude, what up??"
You know.
I'm Ethan, whatever.
Yeah, it's funny to think that something can be so, like terrifying in your head
Where I was probably just as nervous as you were to talk to anyone, you know.
So it's funny. How you built up in your head.
I remember I bought you a guitar. Remember that?
yeah...
I was playing guitar. I had learned how to play guitar.
We got it at shook (market) in Jaffa.
Yeah, we bought it from like some gypsies for like ten bucks.
I bartered hard for that boy
I didn't have much money back then. Ten bucks, that was a huge investment.
And it's still in your room in Israel.
Yup.
and it sounds like shit.
Yup.
as it should for ten bucks. But I used to play guitar back then, for the sole-
I used to play guitar for you all the time
You did.
We used to talk on skype and at night I would like, I would talk to Ethan until like really late.
and my parents would always freak out, like "what are you doing there?!"
and sometimes he would play guitar and I just fall asleep with my headphones on.
Dude, we used to do some sick ass music for you
I used to play guitar for the... I guess the only reason was to meet a girl because the moment Hila moved in with me. I stopped playing guitar :(
I haven't play since.
I was like misson accomplished boi, I get to retire this guitar forever.
There is this one song that I wrote for you.
Back when you were in Israel.
it's actually a really good song.
It's probably the only good song I have ever made.
but I used to play for you all the time on skype... Hila: Yeah.
♪ Met a girl some time ago ♪
♪ I call her Midget Matzah ♪
♪ Cutest thing that I ever known ♪
♪ She's my little cutie ♪
♪ Coming to visit gonna grab that whale ♪
♪ I'm gonna grab that whale ♪
♪ They call him Shamu ♪
♪ I'll grab his head and you grab his tail ♪
♪ And we'll bring him to the ocean ♪
♪ Woah woah ♪
♪ I hope it's not very far ♪
♪ 'cause whales are very heavy and ♪
♪ Woah woah ♪
♪ I'll let him jump over you ♪
♪ Pretend it's Free Willy ♪
♪ We'll be just like Bonnie and Clyde ♪
♪ For the 21st century ♪
♪Drive around in cars that run on vegetable oil ♪
♪ And riding turtles to the ocean ♪
♪ Oh woah ♪
♪ bring a camera so the world can see ♪
♪ The cracks in the concrete and ♪
♪ Woah woah ♪
♪ The cutest thing that ever be ♪
♪ My little cutie ♪
and a year later she came back and moved to LA
and the rest is history. Then we started selling drugs. *dank*
and you guys know that story
but that's pretty much where that leaves off
but for me the real moral of this story
is like, I had two opportunities
to say this makes me very uncomfortable
I'm going to take the easy escape *jazz hands*
to avoid putting myself through this really uncomfortable situation
The first one was going all together because I had generalised anxiety disorder
and I couldn't bare these social interactions
like this- it was so hard on me.
The second one, just as hard, was just approaching you to begin with
and these two things that I really didn't want to to but forced myself to do
changed the course of my life
like completely and forever
and in my life since then I always look at these opportunities
of things that I don't want to do as like
what is it worth these moments of awkwardness, of uncertainty
of discomfort, for the potential that it holds.
it sounds obvious, but how many times in your life and in mine too- I've done it so many times,
where you would rather take the easy comfortable route
than be confronted with some kind of change or friction or challenge to yourself.
Always take it, always take it, my life has changed completely
and for the better a million times over, God I don't even know where I would be
if we never met like I'm dead serious.
You have been nothing--
You have been a tsunami of good fortune in my life
*hila laughs*
like ever since I met you my life has taken a turn for like the best. And I swear to God, when I met you
well you guys saw where we are with the red pepper, I was waiting tables-- there was no prospects
and from the moment, like we were writing books
we were making videos, I was write songs
all of sudden my life... just taking the chance to come and say hi to you like changed the course of my life
and seriously it's a lesson that I have always held.
♪ The cutest thing that ever be... ♪
♪ My little cutie ♪
[music fades out]