Big show. All my buddies are here.
-We got Den... -Is that what you're wearing?
(laughter)
Hey, unbelievable.
Aah!
Yeah.
All my friends are here. All right.
Got Norm, Kevin, Dennis Miller.
-(applause and cheering) -Hi, Norm.
-Uh... -We're all your rowdy friends.
All my rowdy friends are coming over today.
NEALON: You remember who's who?
(laughter)
What do you keep in that knee pocket?
(laughter)
Here, we'll go wide. I'll go back for you.
I might want to go shorts after the commercial. Zzz!
-Uh... -When will this be on, Dave?
(laughter)
Snoop Dogg is releasing a lullaby album
of his greatest hits.
The first single is "Gin and Juice Box."
-(laughter) -But honest...
MILLER: Was that... was that a Snoop Dogg joke?
I-I thought you'd open
with a Luther Campbell joke or something.
No, we're doing it present day.
-Ha! -Uh...
MILLER: That's what I'm saying.
Oh. Honestly, it's available on vinyl and CBD.
-So... -(laughter)
-You got me mid-joke. Uh... -MILLER (laughing): I'm sorry...
Congratulations to Jason Momoa.
He was named GQ Australia's Man of the Year.
-(whooping) -Yeah! -Yeah.
(applause and cheering)
But other Australians claim he should be disqualified
because he technically not a criminal.
(laughter)
-Who was the guy? -I don't know.
In a new interview, Billy Dee Williams...
Wait. Wait. Is that from the 1800s?
(laughter)
-What was his name? -What was his name?
Why would I ever do jokes in front of you guys?
(laughter)
In a new interview, Billy Dee Williams says
he identifies as both a man and a woman.
In Billy Dee's honor,
Colt 45 is being renamed "Gender Fluid."
(laughter)
-Is that true? -It's a sold joke.
SPADE (laughing): Is that true?
-That's... -MILLER (laughing): Solid joke.
That's a solid joke.
Took a little ramping up.
Pat Sajak returned to Wheel of Fortune
after getting emergency surgery.
He says he's feeling great, and he just won...
a brand-new scar!
(laughter)
A new study says smoking weed regularly
increases men's risk of testicular cancer.
Uh...
They only give you cash on Wheel of Fortune.
(laughter)
That's not true, is it?
-They give you ca... -MILLER: He wanted to wait.
To be fair, he wanted to wait and see if you went back
and polished that up on your own...
-No, I didn't. -When you moved to
-the next joke, he had to come in. -I know he had to fix it.
Is there a... is there a delay on this show?
(laughter)
SPADE: Oh, you'll like this one.
A camel, a cow and a donkey were found
wandering down a Kansas road.
They told police, "Hey, we got lost.
We were trying to find the setup to a Norm Macdonald joke." Yeah.
(laughter)
(applause and cheering)
SPADE: No!
-Oh. -MILLER: Touché.
-SPADE: Yeah. -That's beautiful.
-We had that one in the chamber. -Is that true?
(laughter)
Amazon took heat for selling Christmas ornaments
with a picture of Auschwitz.
Finally something for the kids
on Santa's really (bleep) naughty list.
(laughter, groaning)
The Chinese...
Norm was laughing harder are at that than any other joke, Dave.
The Chinese government is designing a new
mandatory facial scan that will be able
to tell every Chinese citizen apart.
All they need is the most powerful computer in the world.
(laughter)
ANNOUNCER: Borderline racist!
(guitar sting)
(laughter)
Not really. Uh, a movie theater in Washington...
That's ridiculous. That's in no way borderline.
(laughter)
MILLER: You're right.
A movie theater in Washington was evacuated
after highly-contagious urine samples were delivered
to the wrong address.
What was the right address?
(laughter)
Those are mine. Over here.
No, no. You're at the wrong house.
A new report says there was a 67% increase
in sexual assaults on cruise ships last summer.
It got so bad, the captain had to say,
"Hey, not everything is all-you-can-eat."
All right, let's talk to these guys.
-(applause and cheering) -♪ ♪ -Hey!
-Yeah. -Hey.
Thank you. Thank you.
(indistinct, overlapping chatter)
Even trying.
Yeah.
Oh...
I admire you for cueing up in front of Norm.
I know. I... I did. I forgot that
-would be the worst part. -MILLER: That was a tough sub.
With us tonight...
Norman Macdonald.
-Yeah! -(cheering, applause)
Dennis Miller. Kevin Nealon.
(cheering, applause)
And our random salute to Weekend Update.
(laughter)
Wait, what do you mean by "random"?
'Cause I always considered these two guys
maybe the best that ever did the job.
-Yeah. -(cheering, applause)
This guy, eh?
You know, Norm invented... that was the first time
this country has ever heard: "Here's the fake news."
-That's right. -I mean, that's such a big phrase now,
but I think... I think you opened the news with it,
which used to kill me, and you never get credit for it.
But Norm invented the word... the phrase "fake news."
(cheering, applause)
You can see they just retrofitted the sport coat
-for all three of us. -(laughter)
That's how low the budget was over there.
Norm, was this, uh...
that's a little Paul Newman going on down there, right?
-You were handsome, Norm. -Yeah, you were handsome.
-What the (bleep) happened? Anyway, on... -(laughter)
now, I did Weekend Update...
Have you seen Paul Newman lately?
(laughter, shouting)
You do look better.
(applause, whooping)
I did Update with all you guys.
Uh, my first Update was with Dennis,
and, uh, I remember I played-- when you do the show,
I did... you remember I did Yakov Smirnoff?
You look like Leif Garrett.
(laughter)
That must be dress rehearsal, 'cause the clock is, uh...
-Right? 9:10? We weren't on yet. -Oh, wow. Good eye.
-That's from dress rehearsal. -Easter egg hunt.
That's why I was on. It was dress rehearsal.
(laughter)
I was try... I was trying to remember when you made air.
I would, uh, so, my first Weekend Update,
I do it at read-through, it finally gets through
to get on the show.
But the hassle is, you have to get through dress rehearsal.
So, I'm dressed like Yakov-- I got the babushka and the beard,
and I'm like... and then I go out there,
and I do, "Eh, Russia," some dumb shit,
and then-- next to Dennis, of all people.
But you were very supportive.
He always tried to, you know, help.
And then I come out, and they go in a room
and pick the sketches right before air.
So it's, like, 10:45, before... the show is 11:30.
Everyone's waiting, waiting, and then the door...
(imitates creaking door) and then Dennis is
the first one out, and he walks by me and goes,
-"You can lose the beard." I go... -(laughter)
-Hello? Got cut. -So let me understand this.
You guys did a live show at 11:30?
10:45? And then there's a dress rehearsal before that?
Dress rehearsal before it, and then we do a live show.