i think to talk about the beauty of church you kind of have to be fair in addressing
some of the difficult parts of church for me i went to a church at one point in my christian walk
that i thought was great and wonderful they were teaching me apologetics they were teaching me how
to defend the faith they were teaching me how to be gospel-centric in my presentation of the faith
i was getting discipled it was full of young people that loved jesus which i had never
been around before it felt like this was the place to be until um i realized we came to know that
our pastors were not loving the jesus that they were teaching to us that they were stealing from
us that they were using scriptures to manipulate women into sexual practices that the environment
of the church what i thought was them advocating for godliness which was actually legalism to the
point that you know if we hugged each other it was inappropriate if we talked on the phone longer
than 10 minutes without bringing up jesus it was an idle and idolatrous conversation but in that
space you don't even realize that it's toxic you think it's godly you think it's holy and i think
after coming out of it i was good on church like i was just like you know what these people are
off the chain like i was unable to see that the people that i love didn't love me back and it took
a long time for me to realize that church was actually something that god loved and that god
created and just because someone took advantage of me and of others doesn't mean that that's
ultimately god's aim in his creation of the church luckily i got connected to a pastor a couple
years later who took me through acts where paul meets lord jesus and jesus tells him hey you're
persecuting me which was profound because it's like god so identifies with his church that in his
confrontation of paul he doesn't say hey you're persecuting the church he personalizes and says
you're persecuting me and so yeah i think it's it's a both and the church is beautiful but the
church can also hurt yeah i just get so emotional like what i uh unbelievable his church and so then
when there's the abuses of power yeah oh i just yeah yeah sorry yeah but you're right i mean
that's the part that is heart-wrenching because i believe in my heart that our only hope as human
beings is jesus yes i believe that wholeheartedly and so when people come into a church environment
looking for that hope looking for the potential for better and they end up abused and that can
oftentimes be like the period on the sentence of their faith journey there's like i'm out
that is devastating and i mean for me i haven't as much experience church hurt as i just experienced
church disappointment people who i thought were more mature in the faith than i was who
just were not and it was disappointing because you look to these people to teach you and to provide
a sense of a role model for you and you're like wait you're still dealing with stuff like you're
in middle school and i need you to be the example so i think it's been more disappointment for me
church hurt is so hard because i believe church hurt is about broken expectations when we come
into a church setting we assume that we're going to encounter love and compassion and grace but
what we often encounter are people who are broken people who have experienced hurt themselves and
the truth is hurt people hurt people i think that the way that we begin to mend church hurt is by
first acknowledging that it's real and that it's happening but then two we have to help people heal
by teaching them how the word of god can transform their lives i believe that god has come not just
to set us free from sin but to set us free from pain and many of us are walking around
because of the pain from our past and as a result we're voiding our purpose so church
heard i believe can be healed by helping people understand that the word of god is not abstract
it can actually help you see your circumstance in a light of victory as opposed to victimhood
back in the 80s mid 80s we had quite a bit of stuff happen in the kind of the grandiose
church and leaders yeah and i'll never forget matt and i were newly married you know i've loved god
all my life i love jesus with all my heart my biggest prayer since i was a little girl is god
don't ever let me embarrass you and i know i have but you know it's been my heart's desire to just
always try to show his love but i remember leaders falling and people doing stuff and you just go
oh my goodness you know and being so shocked and that's kind of when it became real to me is when
i thought man you cannot put your trust in man i can love but i cannot put anybody in the place
that jesus belongs i cannot set anybody on a pedestal and all i can talk about what god has
done for me right now you know on the inside of me that has changed my life and make it so personal
and to where my salvation has nothing to do with anybody else except what jesus has done for me
and that's when you've heard the term god doesn't have grandchildren he only has children sons and
daughters yeah you know and i think that's when it kind of just became really real to me
is man you cannot look for man to be your example you have to love like jesus would love everybody
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