[Gus performs a mouth-trumpet sting.]
Hey, this is a video I made called Low Budget Network Cop Show.
This show is sponsored by the YouTube Red original series Ryan Hansen Solves Crimes on Television.
My favorite part about the series is that after I watched it for this video I can pay my rent for three months.
The people that sent me this promotion did not give me a lot of talking points,
so I will tell you frankly that I watched a few episodes of the show and they're pretty funny.
Honestly I got some kind of Seth MacFarlane vibes, breaking the fourth wall, goofy self-aware cop show–
I would really genuinely recommend it. It's-it's pretty funny.
So if you want to check out episode one–OR... What!?!–episode two,
both episodes are streaming for free without even having YouTube Red.
So go check out the first two episodes,
maybe go get YouTube Red if you want to go, like, take a dump and have your phone in the pocket and still listen
to your podcast because you do not need the screen on because you got YouTube Red now, babyyy.
The show stars Emmy nominated Samira Wiley,
and it stars Emmy watcher Ryan Hansen.
Get the joke you guys?
Those YouTube Red guys–they gave me that joke for free. I didn't even need to write that.
Right now all episodes are streaming. I'll put a link in the description down below if you want to go check it out.
And you can watch the first two episodes completely free, so, yeah,
and you know it's a pretty funny show. Go ahead and check it out if you want to, and
without further ado here's the video *I made* called Low Budget Network Cop Show.
Alright thanks for helping me pay my rent this month YouTube Red.
[A trumpet and tuba play an intro.]
[Cop:] Stop criminal! I'm going to apprehend you!
[Criminal:] You'll never apprehend me!
[Cop 2:] Freeze! You've been apprehended!
[Criminal:] Damn, you've apprehended me!
[Cop 1:] Alright partner. Let's take him to the headquarters downtown...
[Action beat sang mostly with "duns"]
[Sound of cardboard on carpet]
[Siren noise made by mouth]
[Screeching brakes]
[The beat ends.]
[Cop 2:] I'm bringing him into the interrogation room.
[Criminal:] I hate being apprehended!
[Cop 1:] So, you like selling narcotics, do ya?
[Criminal:] I didn't sell nothing, you can't prove anything!
[Cop 1:] Oh, yeah? Well empty out your pockets; put them on the scale.
[The box rustled; candy hits glass.]
[Cop 1:] Just as I suspected! Over fifty-two pounds of narcotics!
[Scale drops; candy hits glass.] [Cop 2:] Where is the supply?
[Cop 1:] Looks like he's not talking–get out of here. I guess we're gonna have to play hardball.
[Cop 1:] Not gonna talk, huh? All right.
Well this went from good cop to bad cop.
Enough fucking around! [Plastic gun slams.]
[Cameraman:] Hey, you can't–can't say that... on... network television.
[Both Actors] We–Can't... Can't say "fuck." Can't say "fuck?" Why? I thought it was cable.
[Cameraman:] No, it's not cable
[Suited Actor:] Okay. Sorry.
[Cop 1:] Enough fricking around! [Shirted Actor:] No!
[Cop 1:] Enough flipping around! [Shirted Actor:] No!
[Cop 1:] Enough screwing around! [Shirted Actor:] No!
[Netting rips and plastic toys clatter.]
[Cop 1:] Enough muffing around!
[Shirted Actor:] No!
[Suited Actor:] Damn it.
[Cop 2:] Well, this is gonna be one tough cookie to crack.
[Off screen:] The hell is that?–you don't crack cookies.
[Bearded Actor:] Y–you can–
[Cop 2:] This is one tough cookie to dip.
[Off screen:] Stop.
[Bearded Actor:] But you dip cookies. [Off screen:] Shut up!
[Cop 1:] *sigh* So, you still won't crack, ah?
[Cameraman 2?:] Hey, that's what I said, dude.
[Suited Actor:] Shut up, dude.
[Cop 1:] Well, I guess... partner... [Plastic toys clamor.]
Bring out the waterboarding kit!
[Criminal:] But that's against the Geneva Convention!
[Cop 1:] *menacing* I don't care...
[Cop 1:] Fuhh!
[Criminal:] Ahh!
[Criminal:] Oof.
[Cop 1:] Ah, you won't talk, uh?
[Box opening]
[Criminal:] Like I said before this is inhumane!
[Cop 1:] Yeah, well, get ready to get waterboarded.
[Struggling with a plastic wrapper]
[Suited Actor:] Damn it. Could you help me with this? [Shirted Actor:] Yeah. Hold on.
[Wrapper opens.]
[Suited Actor:] Thanks. I almost had it. [Shirted Actor:] There you go. Yeah.
[Cop 1:] Hahahaha!
[Cop 1:] Get ready! [Criminal:] No, please!
[Cop 1:] Ohh!
[Criminal:] Oh no, this simulates drowning, I cannot breathe.
[Cop 1:] *laughing* Damn right!
[Cop 2:] Johnson, this has gone too far! I'm afraid I can't let you do that.
[Johnson:] Partner, I have to do this. I have to extract
[Gun pops.] [Suited Actor:] Oww! What the fuck dude?
[Bearded Actor:] Sorry dude my finger slipped. [Suited Actor:] No it didn't slip; it's not hard.
[Bearded Actor:] No it did! Dude... [Suited Actor:] Shut up.
[Johnson:] Partner, I'm afraid I can't let you do this. We need to extract
[Gun pops.] [Suited Actor:] Ow–what the–stop doing that!
[Johnson:] Partner, I have to do this, we need this informat–
[Gun pops.] [Suited Actor:] Ow, dude.
[Suited Actor:] That's not an accident man. [Bearded Actor:] Dude that was like–
[Suited Actor:] They leave welts. [Bearded Actor:] –slippy, dude –
[Suited Actor:] I don't wanna hear it, just don't shoot me again.
[Johnson:] Partner, I have to to do th–
[Gun pops.]
[Suited Actor:] WHAT THE FUCK ARE– [Bearded Actor:] HEY I'M– [Both crash.]
[Knocking on the door.]
[Cop 2:] Johnson, there's someone at the door. [Cameraman 3?:] Stop looking at–
[Mrs. Johnson:] Johnny! Your absence has affected us at home, including me your wife, Sharon Johnson,
and your baby Jerome Johnson.
[Mr. Johnson:] Sharon what are you doing you doing–shhiii–
[Mr. Johnson:] Sharon? What are you doing here at my place of work?
[Mrs. Johnson:] Please don't try and contact me over the next day, because I'm gonna stay at my sister's house.
That's just what you do.
[Mr. Johnson:] Sharon, baby, you know I've been working my tail off trying to win the bread
and bring home the bacon for you and Ja Rule. [Off camera whisper: "Jerome."] [Mr. Johnson:] Jerome.
[Mrs. Johnson:] Maybe we can try and reconcile our differences later, so I'll see you next wee–episo–week.
[Sound of wood door hitting plastic baby.]
[Mr. Johnson:] Sharon wait! *snaps and sighs*
[Criminal:] I've seen your struggles at home, and I empathize with you. All right.
I'll reveal the location of my narcotics.
[Cop 2:] Yesss!
[Furniture clattering] [Johnson:] All right buster, reveal to me the coordinates.
[Johnson:] *pecking on cardboard* Enhance.
[Foot steps.]
[Johnson:] *pecking and poking* Enhance.
[Finger rapidly moving through cardboard.] [Johnson:] Enhance.
[Johnson:] *pecking on keyboard* Enhance.
[Sound of map hitting face.]
[Suited Actor:] Fuck you too! [Bearded Actor:] I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY!
[Cop 2:] We've apprehended the criminal and found the narcotics. This case... is solved.
[Johnson plays a song similar to "Won't Get Fooled Again" by The Who on the keyboard organ.] [Johnson:] *screaming loudly* YEEAAAAA-AAAAH!
[Johnson mumbles while singing; the singing and playing are obviously mocking C.S.I. style shows.]
[Johnson:] *singing* ...cop show...
[Johnson returns to mumbling.]
[Johnson:] *singing* ...network television...
[Johnson:] *singing* We're on a network T.V.
*singing* Far as I can see
*singing* And I don't got time for swear words
*singing* You can seeeyuh
*singing* Because I turn my face to the new constitution
*singing* Dah-dah-dah, fucking YouTube Red show
*singing* Pick up my guitar and play!
[The song ends roughly.] [Johnson:] *mumbling* ...k, fucking, do it...