THIS IS IT, GUYS, ELECTION
DAY IS UPON US.
HOW ARE YOU ALL FEELING, ALL RIGHT?
(APPLAUSE).
>> James: ANYONE NEED A XANAX?
(APPLAUSE).
>> James: TUMS, A BOTTLE OF WHISKEY?
(APPLAUSE) OKAY, SO ALL OF THE ABOVE.
ALL RIGHT.
CUZ GUYS IF LESS THAN 24 HOURS THE ELECTION WILL BE OVER, THANK
GOD!
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) I MEAN IT HAS BEEN LONG, HASN'T
IT?
THIS ELECTION HAS REALLY AGED ALL OF US.
IN FACT, HERE'S A PICTURE OF ME WHEN THIS ELECTION STARTED.
(LAUGHTER) NOW-- NOW RIGHT NOW HILLARY HAS
THE EDGE AND TRUMP SUPPORTERS ARE THREATENING THAT IF SHE WINS
THERE MIGHT BE A REVOLUTION, RIGHT?
NOW I DON'T THINK THIS IS-- COME ON, LIKE, AMERICANS THESE DAYS
CAN'T GET NINE GUYS TO SHOW UP FOR SOFTBALL EVERY THURSDAY
NIGHT-- (LAUGHTER)
DO YOU THINK THEY'RE GOING TO BE SIGNING UP FOR A REVOLT.
THEY'RE GOING TO BE LIKE AH, I CAN'T DO WEDNESDAY, I'VE GOT A
PARENT-- I GOT A PARENT TEACHER CONFERENCE WEDNESDAY.
CAN WE MOVE THE REVOLT TO THE WEEKEND?
I CAN'T-- THE KIDS HAVE GOT JUDO.
THEY'RE DOING SO WELL.
ONE THING HELPING HILLARY THE FBI DIRECTOR JAMES COMEY TOLD
CONGRESS ON SUNDAY THAT HIS LATEST PROBE INTO HILLARY EMAILS
STILL FOUND NO EVIDENCE OF WRONGDOING.
AND THIS IS-- (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).
>> James: THIS IS A COMPLETE REVERSAL OF THE BOMBSHELL LETTER
HE SENT LAST WEEK.
AND IT MAKES DIRECTOR COMEY LOOK REALLY BAD IN FACT, NOW AT THE
TOP OF THE FBI'S MOST WANTED LIST IS A NEW FBI DIRECTOR.
(LAUGHTER) I MEAN THIS, THIS INVESTIGATION
OF CLINTON'S EMAILS IS THERE OUGHT TO BE THIS HUGE GAME
CHANGER AND IN THE END THERE WAS NOTHING TO IT.
IT WAS BASICALLY THE APPLE WATCH OF SCANDALS.
BUT COMEY ASIDE, THE EARLY VOTING RESULTS ARE IN, AND ON
SATURDAY NICKELODEON ANNOUNCED THE WIN OF-- WINNER OF ITS KID'S
PICK THE PRESIDENT INITIATIVE.
DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS, THIS IS AN EVENT WHERE SCHOOL KIDS VOTE
AND MAT JORT WERE OVERWHELMINGLY FOR HILLARY CLINTON, RIGHT?
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).
>> James: HOLD ON, YES, NICKELODEON MAY HAVE VOTED FOR
HILLARY.
BUT WE NEED TO FIND OUT WHAT CARTOON NETWORK AND THE DISNEY
CHANNEL SAY BEFORE WE CAN CALL IT A LOCK.
NOW I SHOULD SAY AS SOMEONE WHO HAS LOST A NICK LOAD ONKIDS'
CHOICE AWARD-- NO, NO, IT'S GREAT TO SEE THESE LITTLE
[BLEEP] FINALLY GET SOMETHING RIGHT FOR ONCE.
BUT-- (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
BUT LOOK, I'M NOT JUST DEPENDING ON NICKELODEON'S KIDS' PICK FOR
THE PRESIDENT BE, I'M NOT.
FOR RELIABLE ELECTION NIGHT PREDICTIONS WE HAVE ALSO LEARNED
THAT THERE IS A GOAT NAMED BOOTS IN SCOTLAND WHO IS REPORTED TO
BE PSYCHIC AND HAS CORRECTLY PICKED THE WINNER OF SEVERAL
ELECTIONS.
LET'S SEE WHAT HAPPENED WHEN BOOTS THE GOAT HAD TO CHOOSE
BETWEEN TRUMP AND HILLARY.
(APPLAUSE).
>> James: NOW AS SOON AS THEY SAW THAT FOOTAGE, TRUMP'S
CAMPAIGN IMMEDIATELY ANNOUNCED THAT THAT GOAT IS RIGGED.
NOW I KNOW THAT THIS VIDEO SEEMS SILLY BUT IF ARE YOU ROOTING FOR
HILLARY, YOU WATCHED IT AND SAID THE PSYCHIC VOTE PICKED HILLARY,
OH THANK GOD.
IT MAKES ME FEEL SO MUCH BETTER.
SO WE HAVE SEEN KIDS VOTING.
WE'VE SEEN GOATS VOTING AND NOW IT'S YOUR TURN.
YOU HAVE A BIG RESPONSIBILITY TOMORROW, AMERICA.
AND I KNOW THAT THAT CAN SOMETIMES WEIGH HEAVY ON YOUR
SHOULDERS.
AND ANY TIME I HAVE A BIG RESPONSIBILITY LIKE THIS I
ALWAYS ASK MYSELF, HOW WOULD THEY HANDLE THIS ON THE
UNIVERSALLY BELOVED '90S SITCOM FRIENDS.
SO AMERICA, TOMORROW YOU HAVE A CHOICE.
ON THE ONE HAND YOU COULD ELECT A JOEY.
HE'S FROM NEW YORK CITY.
HE'S A WOMANIZER.
(LAUGHTER) AND SURE HE'S A FUN ROOMMATE BUT
YOU DON'T NECESSARILY WANT HIM TAKING CARE OF THE BILLS.
(LAUGHTER) ON THE OTHER HAND, YOU CAN VOTE
FOR A MONICA.
IS SHE A CONTROL FREAK, YES.
IS SHE YOUR FAVORITE CHARACTER, PROBABLY NOT.
IS IT IT WARD TO COMPARE BILL CLINTON'S WIFE TO ANYONE NAMED
MONICA?
ABSOLUTELY.
(APPLAUSE) BUT SHE KNOWS HOW TO GET THINGS
DONE.
SO AMERICA, DON'T MAKE THIS ELECTION THE ONE WHERE JOEY
BECAME PRESIDENT, IT WON'T BE FUNNY, ALL RIGHT?
GOOD I BE ANY CLEARER?