Hey guys, welcome back. Thanks for joining me again for another video
so in this week's video I wanted to talk about
self love and I've talked about it throughout a couple of my videos on this channel, but in this video I wanted to give you
three aspects of self-love that are so so important and the reason why they're so important is because if
You don't learn these three things
If you don't learn them practice them learn how to implement them in your life
Then you are never going to be able to achieve the goals
You want to achieve you'll never be able to have the healthy relationship that you want, you know?
You won't be able to have just happy and peaceful life
So so many people will come to me and say, you know, I I want to be happy. I want to feel peace
I don't want drama
I want to learn how to you know have great relationships with men and women and friends and things of that sort
I don't want to be taken advantage of
You know, I'm coming out of a terrible
Relationship or marriage and I want to be able to really heal from that and move on. I want to start my own business
I'm gonna go back to school whatever it is. These three things are
Essential to have having a great life the first aspect of self-love
That is actually probably the most important thing that you could ever learn in terms of really learning how to love yourself is
You have to practice self-awareness and you have to practice having positive and healthy self-talk
now these are not easy things to do if you've never had any self-awareness or you've never practiced it you've never
You know really worked on monitoring your thoughts on a day-to-day basis
You've never worked on really checking them with yourself. And how are you feeling in every moment?
And you know, what are the stories that I'm telling myself and challenging those stories?
It's not and it's not an easy thing to do in the beginning because you've never done it but like anything else
It's just a muscle that you have to start working. So in order to know
that you're enough in order to know and feel that level of confidence and self-worth and
Self-respect that you want to feel inside. You have to stop monitoring what you're saying to yourself and you have to be
able to
Fight that bully in your head and it's not something that's gonna change overnight. It's something that you're gonna have to work on
really for the rest of your life because you're a human being and we all have egos and
Our ego is never gonna fully go away
so there's always going to be moments when that negative ego wants to take over and when it wants to give us that
Self-doubt, and it wants to you know sabotage us to not apply for that job and to not go talk to that woman
It's just going to but the more you practice this stuff and the more you practice
you know doing your affirmations every day and
learning how to be kind to yourself and gentle with yourself and really fighting that ego fighting that bully that is in your head and
Challenging that bully, you know a lot of times with bullies the minute you challenge them
They go away and sometimes they don't and that's okay
sometimes you really have to work at it in order to shut that you go up in order to shut that bully up but your
self-talk is
absolutely huge one of the examples that I always give my clients is let's say you were baking something you were making some cookies and
You left it in the oven too long you forgot about it. And when you open the door, they were burnt
I mean most people the first thought that's gonna come out of their mind is oh, that sucks. Like I totally forgot that
Oh my god. Look I messed this up
Like I can't do anything right like oh my god and here just comes all of this negative stuff how I would handle that
Situation is when I start to hear myself
Telling myself that negative story
I really now speak to myself the way I would speak to my son who's four years old and
If I didn't have a child
I would think of someone that I really loved and what I would say to them if they turned around and started saying all this
Negative stuff about themselves. I would never jump on the bandwagon with them and say yeah, you're a freakin idiot
Like I didn't believe you left all that stuff in the oven
You just burnt that like god, you're such an idiot like a and I would never join in on the party
I would immediately say hey, don't worry about it. We can make more cookies
It's not a big deal mistakes happen and that's perfectly fine
So it's about learning how to talk to yourself and you have to do this in every single situation
So when you're at a restaurant or a bar and you want to go up to someone and talk to them?
You know go up to a woman and talk to her. What's the first thing that comes to your mind?
Is it something like?
She's not gonna be interested in me. Like no one ever is like I'm not this and I'm not good-looking enough
I'm not smart enough for her or whatever or are you saying? Look I'm gonna approach this person
I'm gonna be Who I am and if she enjoys it great
and if not
that's okay too because
There's someone out there someone else out there who would appreciate me for who I am
the second aspect of self log that I want to go over is something that
most of us that are watching this video probably need practice with and it's something that I get all the time is
You have to learn how to protect yourself and you have to learn how to set boundaries
And I'm gonna link a video up above. I think it's left
on how to
start
Implementing boundaries in your life, but one of the things that people struggle with is not really setting the boundary
But enforcing it and for some reason they struggle with it because of what the consequence is. They either don't want anyone
to think less of them or they don't want to upset anyone or they think that maybe
Enforcing this boundary is just so extreme and they kind of give the abuser or the other or the person
you know a hall a pass and just like let it go and
That doesn't create healthy relationships
So if you want respect if you want healthy relationships in your life
You're teaching people how you want to be treated by what you'll tolerate
I'll repeat that again. You are teaching people
How you want to be treated by what you're tolerating?
so if you tolerate certain behaviors if you tolerate people
You know
manipulate you and taken advantage of you and you don't ever set the bar for what the standard is in your life and
Set those boundaries then you're always going to come across abusive people
you're always going to be taken advantage of that's just the nature of the beast because someone that as a taker is
Going to seek out the giver and we can be givers we can be good people and help people
But we have to learn how to protect ourselves first, which means we have to learn how to set boundaries
We have to learn how to enforce boundaries and those two things are not
Selfish they're actually self loving
because there's always going to be people that want to take more and if you don't know how to
Stop, you know giving giving giving you're going to be exhausted. You're going to be frustrated
You're gonna have resentment you're gonna get abused. You're gonna be you know in terrible
Relationships and the only person that's not gonna be happy is really you
so these are two things that are so important in in terms of
Just learning how to really take care of yourself and love yourself the last aspect of self love that
I want to talk about that is really important towards you creating a happy life
healthy life peace in your life is
you have to accept your past and you have to learn how to forgive and these are two things that
Can keep a lot of people stuck in
anger and bitterness and negativity in
feeling resentful and
It's something that it takes practice
Acceptance is something that can be hard for a lot of people to do because in order to accept you have to let go
You have to let go of the hope that maybe things could be different
You have to let go of the pain that you feel
you have to let go of a person that probably hurt or betrayed you you have to let go of what you thought a
situation
Was going to look like or should have looked like and you have to except that everything that has happened to you
Was supposed to happen to you to bring you to the place that you are today
So if none of those things had ever happened to you
You would not be the person that's sitting here watching this you would not have learned a lot of valuable
lesson that you needed to learn in order to be this person and
growth sometimes is painful and
change is painful and
acceptance doesn't have to be as painful and as hard as we make it out to be it's just about
learning to let go of
How we thought our future was going to be or what?
We thought we should have got really letting go of those expectations
And just accepting that this is what happened in my opinion
forgiveness can never really happen unless you've accepted what has happened to you and
forgiveness of
Others forgiveness, you know towards someone else or forgiveness
Also to ourselves is something that it takes time. It's not something that you're just gonna snap your fingers and say, okay
I forgive and that's it. I'm done now and I'm over it. Sometimes it's a continuous process
Especially when we still have to see people, you know here and there that might have betrayed us
it's not the easiest thing to fully let go and I totally
understand that but as you're going through that process of practicing
forgiveness and
Learning how to accept where you are in life. That's where the self parenting comes into play
that's where that positive and healthy self-talk comes into play is when you're learning to accept and
when you're practicing
How to forgive what are you telling yourself?
Are you getting stuck in that anger place or are you trying to like expand your mind and move forward and stop?
reliving the same
Painful experience over and over again a lot of the times with forgiveness
especially of other people the easiest
The the place that most people will get to is when just tired of being tired
They're sick of reliving the past over and over again
They want they have fully accepted responsibility for their life in their happiness
and they're ready to start moving on when you accept your own happiness and that you're
Responsible for how you feel in every single moment
Practicing forgiveness and starting to forgive others and situations becomes a lot easier because you're not going to allow
anyone no matter what they have ever done to you to
Allow you to have a negative life experience
You will not allow that person to have control over your happiness
And really that's what you're doing when you're not able to start offering forgiveness
TD jakes, um is a pastor and he's got a ton of stuff all over YouTube and he has this quote and I absolutely
Love it
And when I heard this it was just like an eye-opener for me and he said holding on
to your past when you hold on to your past you do it at the expense of your future and I was like
Oh my god
That's so true because you can't fully move on with your life
If you're replaying the same thing over and over again, so it's not until we have fully accepted what has happened to us
Even though it's not what we wanted. We accept that
It is our life that it happened and we start
practicing forgiveness and we're able to start practicing forgiveness and it's easy to do because
We take control over our lives and we know that we're responsible for our own happiness when those things start happening
Forgiveness and feeling starts happening really really fast because you're taking responsibility
For your life, so I hope that this has helped you guys
understand really the importance of self-love and
Start like I said learning
Practicing implementing these things in your day to day life and accepting that these things are not things that you can just say
Okay tomorrow that's it. I'm gonna have positive and healthy self-talk
It's a muscle and just be gentle with yourself throughout this process and be kind to yourself
And know that every situation, you know, when we're about to enforce boundaries that this is a test
So this is a test of your mental toughness. Like how tough are you to stand up to this person to confront this person?
What does that self talk sound like and really practicing these things on a day to day basis
So again, I hope you guys have enjoyed this video if you liked it
Don't forget to leave any comments down below and don't forget to give it a thumbs up if you haven't already don't forget to hit
That subscribe button down below and I will see you next week