- I was chatting with a member of our community recently.
And she was lamenting to me about how hard it was
to pick her major in college and the pressure she felt
to know what she wanted to do for a career,
aka the rest of her life.
And while we were talking about how ridiculous it is
that we as a society think 18-year-olds or even 21-year-olds
or honestly any age should be able to make those decisions,
I thought maybe this conversation could be helpful
to other people out there because no matter what our age,
it's okay, not to mention extremely common,
to not know what you were doing or what you want to do.
It's okay to learn as you go.
Sometimes feel like an imposter and change your mind.
That's part of living, learning,
and slowly figuring out who we are.
For some reason, much of society tells us
that we need to pick a major, career path, partner,
place to live all by the time we're 30.
I know, I feel overwhelmed just talking to you about it.
And this pressure starts at a young age,
probably around high school,
so maybe even 15, 14 possibly, or so
when we're asked if we're planning to go to college.
If we aren't going to college,
there can be judgment around that
and questions about what our plans are then.
I wanna dig into some of the reasons
why we don't have to have it all figured out.
And I have come up with four,
but please, if you have others,
feel free to leave them in the comments down below.
Now, reason number one is that we grow and change
and learn new things.
Imagine that.
And that kinda rhymes also.
Maybe I missed my calling as a poet.
But as we go through life, we learn more about ourselves
and the world around us.
And as a result of that, our interests can change.
For example, there was a period of time in my life
when I thought I wanted to be a baker.
I know, like a professional baker.
But after seeing one of my friends work to open a restaurant
and another one got hired as a pastry chef
at a local bakery,
I realized just how early I would have to get up,
or if I worked out in a restaurant
as their pastry chef or whatever,
then I would have to stay up really late
and be working when my other friends and family were not.
And weekends would be my busiest time.
So getting to spend a lot of time with those I love
would be really difficult.
And I know that even that story can sound really silly
and completely superficial,
but after seeing others go through it,
I realized that line of work just wouldn't work for me.
I can bake and play in the kitchen at home
when I have free time.
And in summary, we can start doing something
or see others do it, and through our experience,
realize that it doesn't fit the life that we have.
And our career path can pivot along with us.
And no one says just because we decided we loved sales,
for example, let's say five years ago,
that we still have to love it today.
We're all free to change our minds,
our careers, and our lives.
Reason number two, we can get caught
in the people-leasing trap.
I know, I've been caught in it myself.
But when we're young and still trying to figure out
who we are,
we can feel pressure from people around us
to pick a certain career path.
I remember the valedictorian of my high school class
was always asked if she was going to medical school
and gonna become a doctor.
I'm sorry, what?
Since when did good grades
mean that you're interested in medicine?
I certainly haven't seen that correlation
in any of my research 'cause it doesn't exist.
And I think she went on to become a teacher.
So there's that.
But anyways, if she had given in
to everybody else's input on her life,
she could have gone on to do well in college,
go to medical school,
only find out that she would much rather
be a first grade teacher.
And this happens to a lot of us.
We can feel pressure or parents to follow in their footsteps
or take advantage of the things we have
that they didn't have when they were our age.
We are not extensions of our parents
and the life that they wished they had.
We are individually who are related to them,
but we get to make our own decisions
based on what makes us happy and allows us to live our life.
And I know it's easier said than done,
but one of the ways to move away from people-pleasing
and into doing something that's pleasing to us
is to set up healthy boundaries.
It's okay to let people know that we hear them,
we understand their passion for,
let's say the medical field,
but we are happy with what we're doing now now,
or to say, "I know you want me to decide now,
but I'm not sure.
So I'm gonna take my time, figuring out what's best for me."
These small assertions of our independence
can help us feel more free to do what's best for us.
Moving on to reasonable number three,
not every choice we make in our life is final
and cuts us off from deciding differently tomorrow.
Sometimes I feel like we have too many choices these days.
We can think, "Maybe I wanna turn my side hustle
into my real job.
Maybe I wanna start my own Etsy shop,
or maybe I should start taking some classes online."
While I love the variety in having a lot of options
to sort through,
all of these choices can sometimes be overwhelming
and we can feel frozen to pick just one,
especially if we think that choosing a career path for now
means that we can't decide on a different one later.
Then every choice we make seem so much larger
than it really needs to be.
Sometimes it can help to be reminded
that you can change your mind,
pick a different career after a while,
move to a new place, start over.
Nothing has to be final unless we decide to make it so.
And finally, reason number four,
careers and productivity are not the only ways
to build a happy, healthy life.
I've talked about this before,
but our urge to ask what's next
when someone finishes something amazing
is incredibly unhealthy.
We are not robots.
We can't constantly work, create, or focus,
and our value shouldn't be predicated
on our ability to be profitable.
It's completely fine and acceptable to have a job
just to have a job or change jobs when we feel like it
and just make enough money to pay our bills.
We don't have to feel called to do something
and be completely fulfilled by what we do.
We can find joy and fulfillment in other parts of our life.
Now, I do believe that we should enjoy our job
or at least the people that we work with
because we're gonna spend so much of our life doing it.
But that's really it.
And I think it could also be that the pressure
to find the perfect career that will not only pay our bills,
but also be fulfilling and amazing
and something that we're proud to tell people about,
it's just too demanding and keeps us frozen
in the decision-making process,
like we're too scared to make the wrong one.
Just remember that we can build a fulfilling
and loving life outside of what we do for a living.
We can choose to put our efforts and focus
behind building a family, friendship group,
or making space for our hobbies
and leave our career to just be what it will be.
Everyone is going to be different.
Honestly, I think as a society,
it would be healthy for us
to just start celebrating these various paths,
not continuing to perpetuate the belief
that there's only one and we all should do that thing.
Feeling the pressure to have it all figured out
is something I still personally experience.
So if you're feeling like you're all alone
and thinking and feeling like this,
just know that I'm right there with you.
But remember, it's okay to learn more about yourself
or the world and change your mind.
We can make our own decisions.
We can change them and do what we need to do
to build our own life.
And there's no deadline for any of it.
I hope this video was helpful.
Thank you so much for watching and I will see you next time.
Bye.