[Fear of Rejection Cure - 3 Mindsets] Matt: Hey, excuse me,
are you a magician? Girl: No. Matt: Total Fail.
Oh, what's up, guys?
We are here in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam. It's our last day here.
So we're going to go explore the city one last time.
And today we want to talk about rejection, because here's the truth, man.
The best dating coaches in the world,
like myself, get rejected the most because we approach the most.
So then how can a normal guy like you, who's possibly not yet quite the ladies
man, never get rejected?
That doesn't make sense. If I get rejected the most, then how can you?
Who doesn't approach?
Probably as much as we get rejected? Never.
Well, you actually can.
And in this video, I'm going to show you exactly how.
Look, man, you can't ever get to a point
in life where no one ever says no to you or just doesn't accept whatever it is
that you're offering them, getting a no, whether it's in business or
sales, friends, family, whatever it is, it's just a part of life.
Not everyone will want what you have to offer.
So then what can we do to never get rejected?
Well, number one, we can actually minimize
the amount of NO's that you get when approaching beautiful women.
And number two, even more importantly, we can change the way you think and feel
about getting a "NO" so that it doesn't feel like a rejection.
When I first started approaching women during the daytime,
I had a huge fear of rejection and it showed up in my approach.
They could read it on my face, I'm sure, because I was approaching them with this.
Please be nice to me.
Kind of look in my eye. Kind
of leaning back like I'm sorry I interrupted you
because I was just so afraid they were going to feel like I was interrupting them
until I realized I wasn't interrupting them.
I mean, sometimes I was, but even when I was, they absolutely loved it.
And it was like a shift in my brain that I was actually making their day.
And even when they weren't into it,
because, of course, not every woman is impressed by my approach.
I get girls that say no or I'm not interested or I'm in a hurry.
Just part of talking to girls.
A lot of them are going to have boyfriends.
But what I realized is they weren't rejecting me as a person.
They were just not available.
They either had a boyfriend, they're busy or they didn't like what I
said or they didn't like the angle that I approached them.
I kind of spooked them.
Hard lesson to learn when a girl screams because you approach.
It did happen to me one time in Prague. I approach.
You go from behind.
And she literally jumped in the air and screamed.
I just startled her.
So lesson learned.
Oh, man, I definitely need a haircut,
mission number one, get some food number two, get a haircut.
I love free samples.
That's a good free sample.
We decided what we want.
So what you realize is they're not rejecting you as a person because
they don't really know anything about you while they do know something,
but they don't know much about you, so they're not rejecting you as a person.
So then what the heck are they rejecting?
Well, just think about it.
What does she know about you when you go and talk to her?
She doesn't know very much, but she does know something.
She knows what you look like, your appearance.
She knows your body language.
Are you standing up?
Are you looking down or are you talking really fast?
She knows the position that you approached her and where you come from behind
and spook her and you come up from the front and even just approaching
just an inch or two off could actually have a huge impact in her reaction.
And she also knows the words that came out of your mouth.
So she might just be giving you feedback on one or more of those four things.
So you realize that she's not rejecting
you as a person and she doesn't know anything about you,
but yet you still feel rejected, which means rejection is just a mindset.
So many of you three mindsets so that you never feel rejected again.
First mindset is it's either your sh** or it's her sh**. Jen: My Sh**
Matt: Your sh**. We're on our way to a nail salon now.
To do my nails. Actually..
Jen just needs to get her eyebrows done. What are you going to do?
Eyebrow tattoo? Jen: Yeah, micro-tattoo.
I have micro-tattoo, but it faded already.
Matt: I think Jen looks better with no makeup.
I always tell her not to wear any makeup.
So it's either her sh**,
meaning it's her world, her reality, what's going on in her life.
It has nothing to do with you.
It's the fact that she has a boyfriend,
so she's not into it or she's in a hurry or she had a bad day.
She just got fired from her job.
One time I had a student
on Hollywood Boulevard approach, a girl who just got off the phone.
It seemed like she wasn't doing anything.
Seemed like a great opportunity.
Turns out she got off the phone
with the police because somebody just harassed her and molested her.
So needless to say,
her reaction wasn't great, but it had nothing, nothing to do with my client.
It had to do with just the situation that had just happened.
You have no idea what her reality is, what her world is.
So why take it personal and say she rejected me when it has nothing to do
with you or it does have something to do with you, meaning it's your shit.
But all she knows about you remember is your tonality and your body language,
your appearance, the words that came out of your mouth and the way you approached
her, like the angle. Maybe you approached from behind and she freaked out.
So it's just feedback.
The problem is you don't know what
the feedback is because she's not going to just tell you.
She's not going to say, "Oh,
you were talking too fast and you look down and that felt a little creepy or you
felt a little needy or you felt too nervous."
She's not going to tell you that, which is why it's so important to have
a mentor, somebody who knows what to look for, who can spot those blind spots so you
don't keep running in circles making the same mistakes and keep having women
dismiss you and saying no, that they're not interested.
And you keep doing it over and over again when you can easily have somebody analyze
your approach, give you some feedback and you can fix it on the spot.
No availability, Jen's sad.
Look at that face.
Now Jen's happy again because shopping for shoes. The second mindset, though,
is she's either qualified or she's disqualified.
Look, man, she either has what it takes
to date you or she doesn't, she has a boyfriend?
Doesn't mean she rejected you, just means she doesn't have what it takes.
She's disqualified to be a potential lover with you. If she's in a hurry.
Same thing. She's disqualified in that moment.
You need somebody who's not in a hurry to have a conversation with them.
If she's not into you, she's disqualified.
Do you really want to date a woman that's not into you?
So it really comes down to she's either
qualified, she has what it takes to date you.
She's a good candidate or she's not a good candidate.
And sometimes it just depends on the circumstances of that moment.
Maybe if she wasn't so busy, she would be a good candidate.
But in that situation, she's just disqualified.
And if she's disqualified, that's a good thing.
That gives you an opportunity to find someone who is qualified.
I imagine you went on a date with a girl
who's not qualified to date you and you wasted all this time.
Maybe you went on several dates.
Maybe she became your girlfriend and she just doesn't have what it takes.
She doesn't have the qualities, the attributes to date a
guy like you, you want to find that out sooner rather than later.
So when a girl becomes disqualified, say "thank you", because now you have
an opportunity to find someone who is qualified.
The final mindset and my personal favorite is you need to learn to love.
"No."
What do you guys think,
yay or nay? Just like how the people at the nail salon said no to Jen because
the person who does the tattooing wasn't there today.
She's a little bummed out,
but she didn't take it personally because it has nothing to do with her.
It's just the situation.
We're back in the day market, is Jen is looking for Durian.
Have you ever tried Durian or smell Durian?
Smells like vomit.
I think it's disgusting.. And I see it. Oh, no.
I mean, she's going to buy it.
I have to be careful that I don't
accidentally give like a five hundred or one hundred for money, so no, we're OK.
Money is so confusing with all the zeros.
But I feel like a millionaire, actually.
A billionaire. By the way, man, make sure you subscribe to this channel
if you're not yet subscribed, click that bell notification icon.
Leave me a thumbs up and a comment down below.
I really do check my comments and let me
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Send me a D.M..
I want to chat with you, man, and help you out.
Hearing a lot of no's, I believe, is what builds character.
In fact, there's no other way to succeed.
And there's so many examples of this
in history of successful people who have failed over and over again before they
succeeded, such as Michael Jordan not making the cut for his high school
basketball team or Jack Canfields best selling book, Chicken Soup for the Soul.
It was rejected one hundred and forty four times before it was published.
That's crazy.
Most people would have given up after a few rejections, less than ten.
So don't be the guy who is digging
for gold but gives up right before he finds it.
So I want to tell you a story.
Even in the taxi car,
you can smell the Durian. It smells so bad, Jen: Durian is my favorite fruit.
Matt: Back in the day there was a man named Mr.
Darby and he had gold fever.
So he went to work in Colorado with a pick and a shovel and it was really hard work.
But he had desire and he had persistence.
After weeks of labor, he finally found a shining ore but he
needed some machinery to bring it to the surface.
So he borrowed a bunch of money from his family and his friends to buy
the machinery. When the first car of or was mined and shipped to a smelter.
The returns proved that they had one of the richest mines in all of Colorado.
A few more cars of that ore would clear all of his debts.
Then would come the big killing in profits.
But fortunately, the vein of gold ore disappeared.
They drilled on and on, desperately trying to find gold, all to no avail.
And finally, the sad day came when they decided to quit.
We're back at the hotel now and let's get back to the story.
So they sold their machinery to a junk man
for just a few hundred dollars and they took the train home.
Now, some junk men are dumb, but not this guy.
He called in a mining engineer to look at the mine and do a little calculating.
The engineer told the junk man that the project had failed because Mr.
Darby was not familiar with fault lines.
Calculations showed that the vein would be found just three feet from where Mr.
Darby had stopped drilling.
That's exactly where it was found.
The junk man took millions of dollars of ore
from the mine because he knew enough to seek expert counsel before giving up.
So, by the way, find an expert to help you before you give up on your journey, man.
And also learn to love the journey, not the destination.
So many of us we feel, oh, when I finally struck gold,
then I'll be happy when I finally get that dream girl, then I'll be happy.
You need to love the journey along the way and learn to love the NO's because those
are getting you closer to your final destination.
In fact, Tom Hopkins in his best selling
book, The Art of Selling, says you need to learn to love the NO.
What that means is you need to calculate
on average, how many no's does it take to get to a yes, which is a great thing
to do in selling as well as approaching women.
Does it take you 10 no's to get a yes when
you're approaching women as far as 10 approaches to get a date?
I'm just making that number up.
But if so, then every time you get
to know, you say, hell yes, I'm getting closer to a date.
Only nine more to go or, only five more to go.
And you allow that to motivate you to move forward.
You say, hey, she's disqualified. So what?
I'm getting closer to someone who is qualified.
Now we have to pack and get ready to head to Bali tomorrow because I'm teaching
a three day boot camp in Bali that I believe is sold out. Here
we are back in the hotel as Jen wants to eat Durian.
And I promised her I would have a bite if I throw up, please don't judge me.
I wish you guys could smell this.
Ohoh.
So gross.
This is a
comfort zone challenge for sure.
*Jen cheers Matt on*
How do some people love this?
Leave a comment down below.
Let me know your take on eating Durian if you've tried it.
Look, I've eaten bugs in China.
I've eaten scorpions in Bangkok.
Here in Vietnam.
I ate an entire king cobra snake last time
I was here, including the blood shot glasses with vodka.
And I had the beating heart. Was still beating in the shot glass, downed it.
No problem.
And in the Philippines, many times I've eaten Balut, which is Duck fetus.
All of those things are delicious compared to Durian.
We're out once again now.
We're looking for a hair salon or barbershop to get my hair cut.
And in the day with a foot massage, of course.
Oh, so good.
And here's a bonus mindset for you.
What if it was a gift?
This is a concept, by I believe Robert Glover.
And it's also in the book Models by Mark Manson.
What, if any, rejection or no or whenever
you don't get what you want, what if it was actually a gift?
It's you get any closer to who it's the universe or God, whatever higher power
you believe in.. Putting you in the right path.
Yeah. You wanted her to say yes.
What if that higher power has a better agenda and destination for your life?
What if it was a gift?
By the way, man, if you like this video,
make sure to follow me on Instagram Matt Artisan and shoot me DM.
Let me know if you have any challenges. Let's chat.
And finally, we're going to get a foot massage.
If you're in Southeast Asia, you got to end your day with a foot massage.
It's just standard.
And listen, you remember in the beginning
of the video, I said you need to learn and improve your skills so that you
minimize the amount of no's and objections that you get.
And in my experience,
over a decade of teaching guys all around the world and over 40,
I think it's forty four countries now how to meet, attract and date beautiful
women to the biggest things that cause them to get a lot of no's and objections
is that they either show too much interest, like they're too needy.
They like the girls so much too soon or they don't show enough interest and they
end up in the friendzone because the interaction is way too platonic.
There's no emotion.
It's just a flat line like this.
So if you want my help or my teams help
to personally help you and guide you by the hand so that you can
overcome objections, become more attractive and stop getting so many no's.
And chances are you're not even getting
those because you're not even putting yourself out there enough.
So we'll help you with that, help you take action so you know exactly
what to do and what to say and just about every situation so you can be the most
attractive, confident and charismatic version of yourself.
Then make sure to check out our workshop
schedule down in the description and hop on a call with us.
We want to help you get this part of your life handled for good.
Remember to make sure to subscribe to this
channel, click that bell notification icon so you don't miss a thing.
Leave us a comment down below.
Let me know if you like this video and what of the videos you want to see on this
channel as well as where would you like to see us go next?
My name's Matt Artisan and this is Jen Mijares
from The Attractive Man, and I will see you in the next video.