- Hey guys, welcome to another episode
of The Rachel Cruze Show.
We always talk about how money is not just tactical,
and like the logistics around it, but it's emotional
because it affects so many parts of our lives,
including our relationships.
So if you've ever been out to dinner
with a group of friends,
and then it's time for the bill to come,
and someone's like,
"Yeah, just split it five ways."
Someone else's like,
"No, no, no, no we need a...
Everyone divvy up what you got.
No, no, I'm gonna pay my fair share."
A little bit of awkwardness.
Yeah, a little bit of,
"Oh, I don't know what to do."
Well, that's just one very small example
about how money can affect your relationships.
So, we're gonna walk through five ways
that money can ruin your relationships.
Number one is being too legalistic.
I talk about nerds and free spirits a lot.
So you're nerds. You love the budget.
You love being in control. You love excel.
Everything just has its order and its place
where free spirits are a little bit more relaxed.
Well, nerds on the extreme end can be really unhealthy.
They can get so dang legalistic about the budget,
about the money, that they actually take
the money stuff and it trumps the relationship.
And you're like,
no, no, no, no, no.
Again, every like little penny.
And sometimes the free spirit, especially if you're married,
you just feel like you're just being watched
with every little thing
if the nerd is too legalistic
and doesn't give enough grace.
So you could be a nerd
on this end or maybe some free spirits
you got a little legalism in you.
So learning to give grace is so
so huge, because if you don't,
it will put a strain on your relationships, I promise.
Do not let money stuff trump your relationship.
Your relationships are number one.
Number two, giving too much grace.
So from number one, you're not giving enough,
to number two, sometimes it's too much.
And if you give too much grace
when it comes to money, specifically,
you end up enabling.
You end up saying, "Oh, it's fine,"
for every little thing, even if it's the same thing over
and over and over and over and over and over.
And the mistake continues to be made.
If that's the case,
and there is no like calling them up, like,
"Hey, we gotta change habits.
We gotta change why we're doing this."
If you don't like, just actually tell the truth,
because there is a balance there of speaking truth,
then that can end up putting a burden on you.
I have heard so many stories about this.
I mean, everything from, you know, some guy
in his 30s can't even pay his own bills
because he never could hold a job.
And his mom is supporting him still
and not learning to teach him that he has to fail.
Like there are consequences to life, and
until he learns that, he's never gonna be able to learn
to manage his money properly
or hold any kind of responsibility because
his mom swooping in and saving him in his 30s.
So any situation
like that, enabling can ruin the relationship.
Number three, avoiding talking
about money before you get married.
This is a big one.
So money fights and money problems,
one of the leading causes of divorce in America today.
It is a source of tension for so many couples out there.
So I would say, if you are dating,
if you are engaged and marriage is coming up,
you have got to talk about money. Just dive into it.
And you can talk about, you know,
the logistical side of, "Hey, how much money do you make?
How much debt do you have?
Do you have anything invested?
Do you own a home?"
Like get the basics covered.
Understand where they are financially.
Not that you're gonna necessarily make your
decision based on that and those facts,
but you need to know the person going in.
And then also the emotional side of money.
I mean, talk about generosity.
Talk about contentment.
Talk about the values and principles
around money that you hold true
where you really see it in your life.
Because if you're not
on the same playing field, and you're not talking
about it now, you're gonna get into marriage,
you're gonna create habits that are gonna
be really hard to undo.
So all of you dating that are heading towards marriage
or you're engaged,
talk about money,
talk about your future,
talk about what you want to do together.
Number four, bailing your parents out.
This is a really hard one because there's a real thing
about honoring your mother and father.
Like that is a true... It's in Scripture. But like
it really is a big thing.
And so what's interesting is, I've talked
to so many people in like their 30s and 40s,
and they've already surpassed their parents financially.
And some of them feel a burden
because the parents nag this on and/or
they just feel this need to help their parents out.
So there is good and healthy ways to do this.
And if you have the money, if you guys are
out of debt and you have your emergency fund
in place, and you have some extra money,
and your parents, you know,
they're really working hard, and they're trying their best,
but you just want to do something crazy for them
and help maybe pay their mortgage payment for a few months
or give them money, whatever it is, but
your parents have good money habits.
That's a blessing.
That's a gift
if you choose to do that. I think that's wonderful.
Where it can ruin the relationship is
if your parents have really, really poor money habits.
Any amount of money that you throw
at them, honestly, is not gonna solve a lot.
It's really not, because it's gonna end up
just being in the cycle of their bad money habits.
And so what you wanna do is help walk them through.
Help them with a guided plan.
You know, give them a Ramsey Solutions book.
I don't care what it is,
but get them on a place where like,
yes, okay. I'm not just trying to bail you
out of every mistake you're making.
I'm actually teaching you and helping you.
Because when you put money toward something good
with good habits, it's gonna be magnified in a great way.
But if you put it on stupid habits, and habits you're like
oh, that money is gonna disappear.
It's gonna do nothing for them.
So that can really put a strain on the relationship.
And the last money mistake that can ruin your relationships
is not setting boundaries.
So this could be something as simple
as telling your girlfriend, maybe you don't have money
this year to buy her a birthday gift, and to get her a gift
you've got to go into debt.
Well, probably need to communicate it
and talk about it.
Maybe it's telling your brother yeah,
you're gonna to have to start paying rent.
Like whatever it is, setting boundaries.
And it's so uncomfortable.
It is, it can be so awkward.
I get it.
But listen, if you don't address the issue
of the relationships in your life,
when it comes to money is going to rot from the inside out.
You have to address it head on,
and you can do this in a very calm and loving way.
Very controlled conversation.
Lots of grace, lots of hope, that can be in there.
But again, you have to set some boundaries sometimes
in life when it comes to money.
And I would encourage you,
if you're in a situation where
you know you have to do it, to do it.
Oh man, why does money have to be so complicated?
You know, just seeps in our lives.
You're like, "Oh my gosh."
But hopefully, if you're in one of those situations,
this helps guide you and walk you
through how to have healthy relationships
when it comes to money and not make these mistakes.
Because I don't want your relationships ruined
by money by any means. Oh, terrible.
Now, to get more information on relationships and money,
you can check out my new book,
Know Yourself, Know Your Money,
because I really do want you guys
to take control of your money
and create a life you love.
(gentle upbeat music)